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Stephen Colbert Doubts Trump Can Run Two Countries at Once
“The Late Show” host said the president couldn’t possibly run two nations, because “he can’t even run.”
by https://www.nytimes.com/by/trish-bendix · NY TimesWelcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Running Wild
President Trump held a news conference at Mar-a-Lago on Saturday, where he announced the raid and capture of President Nicolás Maduro of Venezuela, and said that he would run the country in the interim.
Stephen Colbert called Trump’s plan “crazy” on Monday’s “Late Show,” saying he can’t run two countries at once because “he can’t even run.”
“Oh, so this country and Venezuela? Evidently, when he says ‘America first,’ he means alphabetically.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Is running the United States not enough? I mean, if you’re looking for a challenge, try a sit-up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“He’s going to run Venezuela? He can’t even run the country he runs. This is like if JCPenney decided to buy Sears.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“For 10 years, he’s been promising this plan for health care. Now he’s running another country that I guarantee you he could not find on a map.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“If you were wondering how bad these Epstein files are, turns out they’re ‘invade Venezuela’ bad.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“We can’t even run our country. We had to invent GoFundMe so people could get root canals. The U.S. trying to run another country is like a coke addict trying to run a rehab center. We’re bringing a lot of energy, and no relevant experience.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Absolute Resolve Edition)
“Yep, the news took everyone by surprise. When I heard there was an operation to extract a president, I just assumed Trump got stuck in his tanning bed.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yep, Trump ordered the operation without getting congressional approval, and he watched it from a Mar-a-Lago situation room. Which means there’s a chance Vanilla Ice knew about the mission before Congress did.” — JIMMY FALLON
“This mission was called ‘Absolute Resolve,’ which is a title that was definitely generated by ChatGPT.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“After months of escalation, Trump decided Maduro had to go. And, yes, he’s a criminal and a dictator who’s driven his country into financial ruin while he and his family have lined their own pockets, but Maduro is no saint, either.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Venezuela has the largest oil reserves in the world, especially now that Diddy is locked up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Bits Worth Watching
Sen. Mark Kelly responded to Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s proposed censures against him during a chat with Jon Stewart on Monday’s “Daily Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Lucy Liu will discuss her new film, “Rosemead,” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
The “Shark Tank” investor Kevin O’Leary had notes for the movie director Josh Safdie while making his film acting debut in “Marty Supreme.”