Divorced People Are Revealing The "Gut-Wrenching" Reasons They Regret Ending Their Marriage
by Liz Richardson · BuzzFeedA while back, we shared a post where divorced people who regret ending their marriage revealed why. In the comments, even more people shared why they regret their divorce, and their stories are thought-provoking. Here's what they had to say:
1. "I was 27, and my ex-wife was 21. We had a small business that grew from nothing to being very successful, but I wanted more excitement in life; I cheated chronically, and I ultimately asked for a divorce after 24 years. It broke her heart. We did remain business partners, and then, my ex became very sick with a brain tumor, during which time I was her primary caregiver along with her sister. This amazing woman died a miserable death in her 50s."
"She left me her entire seven-figure estate. Every day I 'speak' to her and apologize for my selfishness. The guilt I feel is sometimes so overwhelming I just cry."
—Anonymous, 69, California
2. "We divorced after 24 years. We spent too much time focusing on work and individual needs. If we had communicated better, we could've had a great retirement and a solid love based on kindness and respect. Our divorce cost us everything financially, and we both learned the grass is definitely not greener on the other side."
"I'm happily remarried now and very much in love. I do wonder if my ex and I had tried harder where we would be today."
—Anonymous, Florida
3. "I married my high school sweetheart and had three children with him. Shortly after, I felt frustrated as though my life changed dramatically when the kids were born, but his didn't. He continued the extra activities outside our family (golf, league baseball, etc.) and had lots of 'free time.' We went to therapy but had a terrible therapist, and I wasn't honest. A family member introduced me to chat rooms. She took them lightly, but I didn't. There was the attention I craved. Long story short, I had an affair with a married man. I left my husband before he even knew about the affair."
"I was sure the affair man would leave his wife. Big surprise coming: he didn't. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I carry guilt daily. It's been 20+ years since then. My husband was/is a good guy. He wasn't perfect, but clearly, neither was I! I should have communicated better. I did see the affair guy years after THAT relationship ended, and he confessed to me that he was in group therapy meetings for sex addiction. I wonder how many other marriages he ruined over the years. My ex and I are both remarried. I love my new husband but always regret not trying harder. The phrase 'once a cheater, always a cheater' is so far from true. I truly regret my actions and would never hurt anyone like that again."
—Anonymous, 60, New Hampshire
4. "I married when I was 17, and my ex was 19. Seven years and two kids later, I decided I wanted to be free and live single. That was over 50 years ago, and the guilt of what I did is as painful today as if it were yesterday. I hurt myself, my children, and my family, but most of all, my husband — he didn't deserve what I did to him."
"I have asked God many times to forgive me, but until my dying day, I will never forgive myself."
—Anonymous, 74, USA
5. "I was with the perfect person and love of my life. She is still the best thing that ever happened to me, and I regret not being with her every day. I had my own issues with self-esteem and other things and got to a point where I believed she didn't want me anymore, and I cheated with the same person twice. I wish I could take it all back. We are far apart; she is in California, but over the past year, we have healed, learned, and spent a lot of wonderful time together, which has been great. I live with guilt, remorse, and regret every day."
"I miss her, and even though we will probably never live under the same roof, I feel fortunate just to have her in my life. I love her and always will, and I would rather be alone if I can't be with her. I take full responsibility for our demise, and she has also taken responsibility for some things, which I appreciate, but I know the much bigger issue was me and my unresolved issues from when I was a child. Don't try to be tough and stoic. Ask for help, and love your person as much as you can. Loss is much harder, and facing your fears, being positive, loving, and not judging anyone is the right path."
—Anonymous, Tennessee
6. "My wife was cheating on me, and I knew it. I finally confronted her about it because she began to stay out overnight, and we had a 3-year-old son. Of course, the conversation escalated, and I asked her if she wanted a divorce. She paused…and nodded her head yes. I was speechless and just walked away. My heart was broken, and I tried to pretend it wasn't. I wanted to be strong for our son."
"We ultimately split up, and I got custody of our son. I've enjoyed every single minute of raising our son alone, but I cannot get over the fact that I still love my ex-wife. She's had multiple relationships since we broke up, and I've had one. Everything I've done with the woman I've been with for the last 10 years pales in comparison to my ex-wife. I wish I would have never asked her if she wanted a divorce. I miss her, and I still love her. I would shave 10 years off my life to have her back."
—Anonymous, 57, California
7. "I regret my divorce. The way it has affected my children has been gut-wrenching to experience, and worse, I initiated the process, so I feel immense guilt for causing their pain. My ex-husband and I weren't happy together at the end; some painful things were done to each other on both sides (I caught him trying to cheat — and I suspect he cheated at some point — and I punished him by putting us in credit card debt). There was no abuse, just emotional nothingness between us because of the things we'd put each other through. We did go through marriage counseling and individual therapy, but neither one of us tried that hard to fix our marriage."
"I know people say it's wrong to try to work things out for the kids, but I honestly wish we'd both tried harder and been able to stay together — our kids have suffered so much because of our split. Living life constantly trying to help my children heal and move on from having to bounce between two houses, navigate their parent's new lives/partners, and losing their 'safe place' as a family under one roof has been way worse than just working harder on forgiving and staying together. It's been five years since our divorce, and I keep waiting for the part where it gets easier."
8. "I ended my marriage, and I regret it. My ex was the love of my life and my best friend. We had miscommunication and money issues. There was overspending, how she treated me, ignoring me, and major drama. We could have worked on all three. I feel horrible about how all this went down. I pray she will let me back into her life."
—Anonymous, Michigan
9. "After 11 years of marriage, my husband (who has alcoholism) wanted to divorce. He didn't want to fight for our son or our marriage. It's like he decided the grass was greener. He did have at least one affair that I found out about when my son was only 4 years old. It broke my heart, but I was determined to stay in the marriage. I did give my ex his divorce, and he ended up with the 'realtor' who sold him his house after the divorce. Now, he has had some severe health issues due to COVID-19 and his alcoholism. He has to quit drinking altogether for his health! It makes me sad that he didn't want to stop his drinking for our family and try to save our marriage. We did go to counseling once early in our marriage, and the counselor said he had an alcohol addiction and we should divorce. It weighs heavy on my heart that I have to share my son with him and his fiancé, and we don't get to be a solid family unit."
"It's also tough to be a single mom and do everything alone. It makes me angry to this day that my marriage didn't work out. There is nothing that I could have done to make it work out, I don't think. I tried everything reasonably possible to make it work, but there's no point if only one is willing. He said he didn't hate me but didn't want to be with me anymore. We have a very cordial relationship in raising our son. I have moved on with my life, but the fact that my marriage failed still makes me sad to this day."
—Anonymous, 54, USA
10. "I...don't know. On the one hand, she was bipolar and refused treatment, so I couldn't possibly have stayed. But I'll be damned if I don't wish I could have convinced her to do something about it. I've never loved anyone like I loved her, before or since her. But I have to be honest — there's nothing I could have done differently that would have gotten through to her. She's as stubborn as a mule."
11. "She left because I pushed her away after finding out she was cheating on me. If I could do it again, I would have been more attentive and open, so she felt she could talk to me instead of seeking out someone else. She is still my best friend and the love of my life, and I miss her every day even though we are living together again after years of being apart."
—Anonymous, 24, Michigan
12. "I regret it sometimes because I miss having a family. I also divorced due to cheating and abuse. I still love him. It didn't go away. I was with him most of my life. Other times, I know I made the right choice."
13. "Yes, I do regret it. We were young, and some problems felt insurmountable at the time. Looking back, we could have pulled through; our problems weren't big."
—None
14. "My ex cheated on me multiple times. Once in 2019, once in 2022, and once in early 2023 (at least I know of). I still loved her as we were going through the divorce process after SHE said she wanted a divorce. I wanted to work it out. I begged to stay, which I know I shouldn't have done. She left me for a ballroom dancer who lived in his car (we were taking dance lessons together and were quite good), who ended up scamming her for thousands of dollars and convinced her to cosign on a Tesla. They broke up after she learned the truth about him from me."
"I fully admit my problems in the marriage: I was controlling and not meeting my ex's needs. But she didn't have to cheat on me. I didn't want the marriage to end. I wanted to work on it. But my ex was done. Now, I have a girlfriend who understands me, would never cheat on me, and loves me for who I am. I also adore and love her, and I'm happier than ever."
—Anonymous, 44, Florida
15. "My wife left after I had to take in my dad, who had a stroke. I didn't have the resources for other options. My sibling had his own family and didn't have the space. My wife had a huge problem with my dad moving in and said it was too late to have kids of our own. I loved my wife and my dad, but it was downhill from there."
"I should have tried harder to get my dad into long-term care and paid more attention to her needs."
—Anonymous, 59, Washington
16. "My ex ended our marriage of 18 years with five beautiful children. This was due to our relocating to California; the work stress and the unplanned accommodation before moving took a toll on us. I became sick while living in the motel and didn't have much help from my husband or children because he told them not to respect me. ... I finally snuck away from home after we found a townhouse for the family. By this time, my ex was the only one going to work since l was too sick and became so stressed with constant bills to take care of. While I was sick, in bed, my ex told the kids to tell me to get a job to pay the bills. I became so angry about why my ex confused our kids. He degraded me and called me all sorts of names, and my kids took his side. ... At this point, I couldn't take it anymore, so I called three of my friends and told them what had been going on."
"I didn't seek counseling of any kind. I finally snuck out from my own home without even saying goodbye to my kids, with the youngest at 7 years old. My only regret is leaving my matrimonial home without taking my kids. They still ask me why I didn't run away with them. It melts my heart when I see my kids have been struggling for 8 years since our divorce. They have been going through some therapy since, and it seems not to be helping. Maybe I should have stayed. My ex was loving and caring until stress made him become a monster. He is living with his girlfriend now, and l remain single. I'm not ready yet to move. I believe God is reserving a good man for me."
—Anonymous, 55, Texas
And finally...
17. "I didn't want a divorce and would have much preferred to keep my family intact and avoid the pain that it has caused for him, me, and especially our children. But what I really would have preferred was that his midlife crisis had driven him to a therapist and not driven him to sleep with the other women that he chose instead. So, divorce it is."
If you regret your divorce and feel comfortable sharing your story, you can share why you regret it in the comments below. Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can use this Google form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.