The Traitors: New Blood Recap: Go Home Already

The Traitors New Blood
It’s Like Fighting Two Pigs Under a Blanket
Season 1 Episode 7
Editor’s Rating ★★★
Previous Next
Previous Episode
Next Episode

Why is this show like this? We will get into the reasons why, but first I want to get into the fact that I am crestfallen after this evening. Crestfallen! Why will reality television not follow my personal tastes and preferences to the letter? This is American Idol keeping Sanjaya around for way too long all over again.

We’re back in the turret with Tomica, Joe, and Katie. We again hear Tomica say that she wants them to kill Victor, but we know that’s not happening. I am, however, curious, because now that everyone has seen the show, they know the Traitors won’t kill someone who is gunning for them. So if the Traitors did kill Victor, would people suspect Tomica? Or would they be like, Oh wow, the Traitors are trying to frame Tomica? I’m saying that maybe they could start relying on the players to pull some Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride reasoning. But they’re not going to, and they narrow it down to Wyatt, Mark, or Kriste.

At breakfast, Victor won’t shut up about Tomica being a Traitor. People make their dramatic meal arrivals, and we learn that Mark has been murdered. Everyone is crushed. We see Mark finding his death warrant, which causes him to say both “Damn, that sucks, bro” and “Killing me was just really not cool.” For sure. The remaining players bemoan the loss of the vibes, and Shane says the Traitors drained all the energy out of the castle. I mean, yeah. You still have Jay there, although he has wisely toned it down, and you have Victor constantly harassing Tomica. Is he right about her being a Traitor? Yes, but once more, I do not care. I would rather watch Elizabeth Holmes win The Traitors than Victor. (My wife says I am going too far.)

Everyone breaks into small groups for their discussion topic (“Who Is a Traitor?”). Jay is suspicious of Victor; Abby L is on Wyatt; Kriste is on Abby L; and Clyde will not go against Tomica because he loves her too much. We are officially at the longest streak for the Traitors on the U.S. version. Typically, the players find one by episode six or seven, but here we are at episode seven, and nothing. 

For today’s mission, they will be going to a field (“Can we stop going outside?” Tomica relatably asks). The players have accrued $97,000 in prize money so far, and there’s another $20,000 up for grabs. We have a field of terrifying scarecrows. Dozens of scarecrows. Alan informs the players they have to rip open the scarecrow torsos and search for bags of gold. They won’t know how much each bag is worth, and the player with the most gold will receive a game-changing power at the roundtable. There are also four black hearts hidden in the scarecrows, which can be used to blow up a player’s scarecrow avatar and block them from getting this mysterious power-up. 

Victor the Business Executive calls himself an endurance athlete and is very ready to blow up Tomica’s scarecrow. Thank God Shane finds a black heart first and blows up Victor’s scarecrow. I LOVE YOU, SHANE. When Victor finds out that he’s out, he reacts with all the grace and quiet maturity of a well-seasoned executive at the top of his field. “You’re STUPID!” he declares. “I HATE this.” Alan informs Victor that being a sore loser is not a good look. Alan Cumming, please tell me if you were actually annoyed with Victor in that moment. I want to know so badly. 

Clyde also finds a black heart, but blows up Morgan’s scarecrow. Abby L blows up Wyatt’s, and Ben blows up Katie’s. They find $15,300 total through scarecrow disembowelment, but they won’t find out who gets the secret power until after the roundtable. 

Post-mission, Victor and Tomica have a heart-to-heart in which they accuse each other. Victor asks her if she suspects anyone else, and Tomica says Katie. Tomica! I believe I speak for many when I say that I hate when the Traitors turn on each other, at least before the final episodes. Let there be faith between murderers! Also, everyone is grasping at straws right now, so she could have said anyone.

At the roundtable, Victor continues to one-note his accusation, but does toss Joe in there, because he says that Joe didn’t eat the apple he was carrying. Morgan correctly says that he did, in fact, eat the entire apple. Joe’s explanation is “If we’re gonna get into it, I need roughage.” So then Victor pivots and asks Tomica why she told him she suspects Katie. And here we are! Tomica protests that she said Kriste, which flabbergasts Victor. I mean, we know she said Katie. And it does sound like a weak defense from Tomica, but then she tells the camera that she really did mean to say Kriste. Do I believe her? Yes. But I was also very swayed by Elizabeth Holmes in the Nathan Fielder movie, even though I read all of Bad Blood. Katie is mad about Tomica saying her name, which makes sense.

Voting goes: Wyatt (Tomica), Jay (Victor), Abby L (Wyatt), Morgan (Wyatt), Shane (Victor), Kriste (Abby L), Tomica (Victor), Katie (Tomica), Victor (Tomica), Abbey B (Victor), Clyde (Morgan), Ben (Katie), Joe (Victor). I, secure in the knowledge that there will be no surprises even though Alan promised there would definitely be surprises, write down “YEEEEEES VICTOR IS GONNNNE. THANK. GOD.” But no. Victor is maybe not gone. 

The mysterious power is that one person can pardon the banished player. Are you kidding? You chose to do this right now. When he was finally almost gone. Mr. “I’m a Sweaty Boy.” Mr. “I farted. I farted. Oh, I just farted. Oh, it smells in here now.” This is the week you pull out the pardon card. I am furious, because it feels nice to be furious about stupid things.

You Have My Vote

Who would I vote for on Traitors? It’s hard to judge what one would do without having the insider knowledge, because who knows the full context of what’s happening in that castle, but based on what’s presented, here are my picks:

No Insider Knowledge: Joe’s point about having, in fact, eaten the apple was solid. I vote for Victor.

Yes Insider Knowledge: [Glowers at Victor in his current purgatorial state] You better stay banished, sir.