The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Plots, Schemes, and Everything In-Between

The Real Housewives of Atlanta
A Sound Bath Breakdown
Season 17 Episode 8
Editor’s Rating ★★★
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Following the Dallas trip, K. Michelle’s delusions have morphed into something so asinine and ridiculous that I’m kind of fascinated to see where it all ends up. Like, this woman is a Looney Tune. And now that I can view her through this unhinged context, I’m waiting on bated breath for her WWHL appearance after this airs, and even more so for the reunion. From her in real-time Twitter fingers as the last episode aired to her dinner performance tonight, I fully understand that she is as unpredictable as Gizelle Bryant’s home decor. 

If you were already confused by these “plots and schemes” against the newbie, get ready for another detour when another tibit of information surreptitiously falls into K.’s lap via phone call. The call occurs as the ladies settle back into Atlanta and return to their personal storylines. We get to see Pinky’s gorgeous kids for the first time, Kelli talks about her struggles with her toxic ex while soft-launching a new man (she uses an alias for him, it’s very secretive), and Shamea continues to show the ups and downs of surrogacy. There also seem to be some uncomfortable ripples in her marriage with Gerald regarding her intimate scenes with other men for acting roles. K., Phaedra, and Kelli go for a pottery activity, and K. confronts Phaedra head-on about the alleged coordinated attack in Dallas. She clues Phaedra in on what she believes happened, saying “they” were “sitting there waiting” to confront her and that Phaedra knew about it the whole time. Phaedra throws her hands up, denying knowledge of any scheme. 

Later, Phaedra fills in the Peaches on the events happening on Planet K. Michelle. Porsha and Drew are dumbfounded as Phaedra declares, “Someone is telling her something.” Porsha mutters, “It’s the voices in her head.” She says, K.’s behavior is childish, especially since she allowed Porsha to physically console her, even though Porsha was the very person who had upset her. Porsha pointed this out during K.’s Twitter tirade as the episode aired last week. In a litany of erratic posts, K. wrote: “Don’t sit and my face and play like you don’t [know] what I’m talking about. You want a reaction you can have it. Say it to my face or be a quiet coward.” Oh brother, here we go.

Porsha, now fully educated on the K. Michelle formula, dusted off her account (her last Tweet is from nearly a year ago) and met her opponent on their battlefield. She quotes K., responding: “Who is a coward ?? I would define a coward as a person tweeting from the same house, two doors down from me. Next time let’s do our job and bring it to my front door REAL TIME. That’s how it’s done in Rhoa.” Porsha’s response highlights both the irony of K’s grievances and the real reason that she’s clashing with the cast.

Let’s humor K. and assume Drew and Porsha really did have something in their arsenal to come after her with. Sorry, sweetie, but that’s the nature of the game, no matter what network. The tea that Housewives have on each other, especially in Atlanta, is a never-ending cesspool of rumors, blogs, Instagram DMs, and whispers through a complex network of girls and gays. What sets the Housewives apart in reality TV is the savvy way the ladies employ and respond to this information. In Housewives’ land, the women air-kiss one another, keeping their cards close to their chests, using nastier pieces of gossip as individual bullets, ready to fire when necessary. 

Plus, let’s be real, the evidence at hand is not “take-down” worthy information; this is more ammunition for a one-off sophomoric insult, like, “and that’s why your pussy stinks.” (Sorry, I’m not more creative). It’s not nice, but you need a thick skin to be around these girls. Imagine if Claudia got up crying when NeNe said her clit left her body? And she still didn’t make it another season! Even if there was a plot, plan, or scheme, K. shot herself in the foot by spilling her own beans when she should have waited for it to materialize on camera. You did the work for them!

By the end of the episode, K. adds another transgression to her laundry list. As she tells Pinky on the way to Phaedra’s sound bath event, Porsha apparently dated her ex, and her withholding this information validates K.’s suspicions about her character. She waits until after the meditation to share this with the group, and thank goodness she did, because the event is as entertainingly eclectic as its host. And it’s about time, as Phaedra’s been phoning it in for eight episodes. She sets up inflatable mattresses in her pool for the women to float on as she and a group of spiritual musicians lead them in a meditation with Tibetan singing and bowls. It’s all very silly with Phaedra herself chirping away on a flute and Shamea’s mattress deflating (K.’s paranoid ass, of course, believes this is an attack). 

After the meditation concludes, Phaedra hosts dinner in her backyard, and just when I thought K. Michelle would finally be honest about her Dallas breakdown, she keeps up with her ominous sentences, saying, “I was told there is some behind the scenes of trying to find things to expose me.” Girl, you need to produce a receipt! To be fair, she does at least attempt to handle things the Housewives’ way; she calmly lays out every instance in which Porsha rubbed her the wrong way, including attacking Kelli during tea, the miscarriage comment, the alleged plot in Dallas, and now the fact that she had a relationship with her ex. For Porsha, it’s too little too late, and she says that K. is finding reasons to misunderstand her. She asks what her motivation would be to “expose” K., to which K. says, “You have the spirit of exposure.” She’s not wrong about that; Porsha is the first to use her arsenal of gossip to sling mud (hello, season nine), but she usually only does it to defend herself. 

Phaedra tries to moderate the conversation, but when K. adds the situation with Blakk as another grievance, and Drew rolls her eyes at the topic coming up yet again, any calmness goes out the window. K. combatively asks Drew why she cares, setting off another back-and-forth between the singers. Drew ends up firing back with the one thing K. is clearly the most insecure about, saying, “Obviously, you don’t fit in.” That part made me kind of sad, but it really is the essence of all of this. Phaedra tries to de-escalate by reminding them of her neighborhood’s noise ordinance and allows K. to finish building her case against Porsha. K. then discloses that her ex claims that Porsha once joked to him, saying, “I don’t understand why I always end up with people’s men.” Goodness gracious. 

With the juiciest part of the puzzle now out on the table, I, once again, still don’t fully understand K.’s sizable reaction. Sure, not mentioning the dalliance could be interpreted as a violation of girl code, as Shamea said, but it’s not like they dated the man at the same time. Additionally, K. and Porsha weren’t friends at the time, and K. is currently married. I’m with Angela, who asks, “What’s the harm in any of that?” K.’s answer makes me further understand the delusion that afflicts her. She says, “Why do I have to be the back story?” This woman really thinks everything is about her. Porsha was probably making a joke about how incestuous the dating pool is in Atlanta (and alluding to herself being in the streets; she knows who she is), and K. Michelle turned it into a personal attack. As someone once told me to ease my social anxiety: Nobody is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about you. I need K. to take the same advice. She is far too concerned about back-stabbing that she can’t take anything at face value. 

Porsha doesn’t have the capacity or desire to keep debunking K.’s suspicions, so she says she’s withdrawing from their friendship. Phaedra tries to close the conversation, saying, “I think what we have established here is…” but Kelli cuts her off, finishing the sentence with, “That Porsha has fucked every Nigerian in Atlanta.” Kelli’s outburst activates P. Willy, and as Porsha starts yelling at her, Kelli waves her wine glass in her face. We’ve seen this before, except last time it ended in a prop tossed across the reunion stage and Porsha dragging Kenya by her weave. To prevent the same outcome, production instantly materializes to separate the women. As they hustle Kelli away, Porsha spews more about the married-man rumor, lending it credence by openly saying that Phaedra knows who it is. Now, K. Michelle, this is what airing dirty laundry really looks like on RHOA.

Peach Tea To-Go

• It’s great seeing Phaedra and Angela lightheartedly tease each other about their past beef, a reminder of exactly why Angela is a Peach, not a Plum. 

• I’ll give K. Michelle one thing — Phaedra did say she “knew” about the Blakk conversation. It’s unclear whether she meant she knew it was something that bothered K, or that she could confirm it was a calculated storyline. Either way, her response is still blown out of proportion. However, when K. said she was “turned on” by Phaedra knowing not to “play with” her, I hollered laughing. She’s so kooky. 

• Porsha’s date with Sway was cute. It’s apparent that there are real feelings — Sway had her so flustered — and it’s nice to see Porsha living in her truth. I loved that she admitted her hesitance to come out had a lot to do with public perception, and it would be interesting to hear Porsha of today address the homophobic sermon in her past, but I don’t know if she has the range for such a conversation.