In the City Recap: Milking the Drama

In The City
Mothers and Milkmen
Season 1 Episode 2
Editor’s Rating ★★
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Lindsay Hubbard will always be famous. Just look at how she displays her art willy nilly, all around the city, everywhere she goes, like she’s Banksy and every cut-rate cocktail party is a dimly lit building in need of some socially conscious art. It truly is a sight to behold her conjuring up drama like she’s Harry Potter, and she’s [insert something from Harry Potter because I was out in the world kissing boys, taking drugs, and going to illegal raves while the rest of you nerds were reading those books. Haha. JK. I was reading comics.] 

It starts in the first scene when she and my latest crush object, Gavin, are at his establishment, Rocco’s, and they’re talking about the events of the last episode, how Kenny probably hates her, and how she wants nothing to do with her former bestie Danielle. Then she pulls out her wand, says “Whooshkaboozle” (that’s from Harry Potter, right?), and who appears but Robert, Danielle’s ex-boyfriend, who was on several seasons of Summer House. Lindsay asks him what she should do about Danielle, and he just melts into a puddle of Silly Puddy and slowly squeaks away back into the kitchen before he can answer the question. Regardless, maximum drama achieved.

Her main antagonist this evening is Kenny. I can’t tell if I don’t like Kenny based on the merits of his personality, or I just don’t like him because he’s so far Lindsay’s biggest opp on the cast. When he’s talking to the boys, he says that he doesn’t like that Lindsay gathers her “minions” and was questioning him about his relationship with Whitney. Okay, first of all, those are not her minions; they are her friends. If they were her minions, they’d be more yellow and copyright-protected so they would never appear on Bravo. Secondly, she was just trying to get to know Kenny, and their mutual friend was right there taking just as many shots. Why is he upset that Lindsay did it? Is it because he doesn’t know her? Is it because she’s a girl? 

This all comes to a head when Kenny throws his girlfriend Whitney a Welcome to New York party, which is named after Taylor Swift’s least annoying song. (Oh yes, I’m coming for both Harry Potter and Taylor Swift, and I’m calling attention to how edgy I am, just like Ricky Gervais, our second-worst comedian. Add him to the list!) But before Lindsay can get to eviscerating Kenny, she first has to meet Frank, the single guy that Andrea brought to the party and plopped at Lindsay’s feet like he’s a cat that just killed a pigeon out in the yard. Andrea presented Frank to Lindsay. She took out her wand and said, “Kemfrabrizzlesticks!” and he turned into a milkman. But not just any milkman, this is the same milkman that Kelly Dodd dated on Real Housewives of Orange County way back in 2018. A hot guy she might date is one thing; a hot guy she might date on his second Bravo show, once again, maximum drama achieved. (Frank looks great, but why do I remember him being, I don’t know, a bit hotter?)

Lindsay goes over to talk to Kenny because Kyle told her that he’s upset with how she behaved at the party. Kenny says it seemed like she was grilling him and that she was recruiting people to come talk about him. It’s called a party, Kenny, people want to be a part of the most exciting conversation, and I have a feeling that conversation is wherever Lindsay is. She says that she is just trying to get to know people, and she does that by going deep. (This is also why she is excellent at her job.) Kenny says that it didn’t seem genuine and, well, that seems like a comment about being on a reality show from someone who has been on a reality show about as long as Anthony Scaramucci lasted in the White House. 

Kenny does make a great point and says that it seems like drama just follows Lindsay wherever she goes. I mean, point taken. Just at that party, she is currently beefing with Kenny and Danielle, she and Kyle have shouted at each other more than once, and she basically bullied Amanda so hard that Kyle had to send an 18-page email asking her to be nice. So, yeah, one point for Kenny in this game of Quindiff. (That’s the game from Harry Potter, right?) But then Kenny goes totally wrong and says that Lindsay met her man and had a baby with him after only two months, and he feels like she’s projecting her insecurities onto him. Oh no. Kenny. You just lost, my man. That is not at all what is happening here. Lindsay is right, she did say that his girlfriend Whitney moving here without a ring is a big commitment and not something many women would do, and she is correct on that. She wasn’t making a judgement on them specifically, even if she was judging the situation a bit generally. Finally, Lindsay ends it, thanks him for inviting her, and then runs off to the 6 Train to flee Grand Central Station for the warm confines of FiDi.

To get back to Lindsay’s other fight, she doesn’t even want to bother with Danielle, barely talks to her, and completely avoids any confrontation. You might think that this is not maximizing the drama, but this is why you are not Lindsay Hubbard, and Lindsay Hubbard is Lindsay Hubbard. She knows that by ignoring Danielle, she’s only going to make it worse. She also sends Kyle to do her dirty work, and Kyle falls right into the trap, telling Danielle that Lindsay says she is boy crazy and has issues with the timeline of her relationship with Eoin, a man without anything more than a shelf. Danielle is worked up; she is ready to blow, so that when Lindsay finally deigns to speak with her, it’s going to be like Fukushima all over again. Her genius is astounding. 

There are a few other non-Lindsay-related storylines. Whitney is moving into Kenny’s, and she wants to turn the second bedroom into a closet. She says she’s not an “outfit repeater.” Um, okay, then why are you buying so many clothes from Shein and other places and just clogging up our one spectacular planet with your fast fashion? How about renting your clothes instead? That seems like a much better use of her money and certainly a much better use of the space in your boyfriend’s apartment. I don’t know. I’m skeptical of Whitney. The whole thing seems off, like an open vat of chicken salad. Kenny is also having a pre-beef with Gavin. He thinks Gavin is going to be acting weird now that he has a GF and that leads to him perceiving Gavin’s behavior as weird. This is a call that is coming from inside the house.

The other big storyline, of course, is the collapse of Kyle and Amanda’s marriage. I have to admit, after this season of Summer House, and the blockbuster first part of its reunion, I’m a little sick of talking about it. We all know this ends in tears, recriminations, and some of the worst decision-making found outside of a high school cafeteria. Do we need to look at every bad decision, every scrap of evidence, every milestone on the path to destruction? I will say the light hoarderness that we’re seeing in their apartment is a little shocking. I am no neatnik, but the piles of clothes and things just everywhere are making me want to get out the vacuum. What do you mean there’s a whole shower they can’t use because it’s full of Amanda’s shit that she can’t figure out what to do with? Get rid of it! Give it to someone else, like Georgina gave Gemma her daughter’s baby Louboutins. Give it to Whitney. She’s trying to never repeat an outfit like that will get her into fashionista heaven or some shit.

Amanda and Lindsay go looking for apartments. Amanda is looking for something furnished, month-to-month, pet-friendly, doorman-operated, and with lots of light. Okay. Is she also on a search for the Holy Grail? Does she want to drop $29,000 a month on the Fountain of Youth? Does she have a map to El Dorado and a ragtag group of travelers trying to strike it rich? This is something she is never going to find. Lindsay got out her wand one last time. She waved it in the general direction of Manhattan and said, “Rum Tum Tugger,” but an apartment didn’t appear. It was just more drama. If there’s one thing we know about drama, it’s that it can pay your rent, but you certainly can’t live in it.