‘SNL’ Cold Open: Trump Rips ‘Insane’ Melania for Surprise Epstein Speech

Saturday Night Live‘s Donald Trump rejected wife Melania’s idea of giving her curiosity-arousing speech about Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.

The first lady (Chloe Fineman) spoke with Donald (James Austin Johnson) over the phone to float her statement, in which she denied having a relationship with Epstein or Maxwell, criticized press coverage of the three of them, and called on Congress to have Epstein’s victims testify.

“Listen, I decided I should do a big, random speech completely out of nowhere and say, ‘I am not Epstein victim.’ Is that good?” she asked.

Trump wasn’t on board.

“Darling, I’ve got to admit that sounds a little insane. Who are you, me?” he told her.

Melania, undeterred, then proposed other illegal activities she could distance herself from.

“It’s not just Epstein. What I could also say: ‘I, Melania Trump, in no way helped out the Gilgo Beach serial killer,'” she said, referring to how former architect Rex Heuermann pleaded guilty this week to seven murders on Long Island and admitted to another. “That way, no one is suspicious.”

“Darling,” Trump replied, “I think that’s going to make everyone more suspicious.”

Melania went another route.

“What if I announce I barely partied with Diddy? Would that help?” she wondered, as the music mogul serves his 50-month sentence for two prostitution-related guilty verdicts.
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Trump, at this point, was over the whole thing.

“You know, Melania, I’d really love to talk more, but I have a meeting with…uh,” he said, pausing to look around at the walls of the Oval Office. “Ronald Reagan.”