Thekla Beats Willow, Swerve and New Level Retain at AEW All Out
· BCPosted in: AEW, Sports, TV | Tagged: AEW All Out, recaps, wrestling
Thekla Beats Willow, Swerve and New Level Retain at AEW All Out
Thekla defeats Willow Nightingale at AEW All Out to earn title shot at WrestleDream, causing The Chadster to slam his fingers in a cash register! 😤🦝
Published Sat, 26 Sep 2026 22:37:09 -0500
by Chad McMahon
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Article Summary
- Swerve Strickland and The New Level retained the AEW World Trios Championships against Hangman Adam Page and Brodido in a match full of crowd-pleasing spots that Tony Khan used to cheese off The Chadster! 😤🏆
- Thekla defeated Willow Nightingale to earn an AEW Women's World Championship match against Mercedes Moné at AEW WrestleDream, which made The Chadster so upset that The Chadster slammed his fingers in a cash register drawer repeatedly! 😭💔
- The raccoons copied The Chadster's self-harm behavior and hurt their paws too, which is entirely Tony Khan's fault for booking matches designed to torment The Chadster and now innocent wildlife! 🦝😠
- Austin Creed and Kofi literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by leaving WWE and living it up in AEW, parading around as champions instead of accepting a perfectly reasonable 50% pay cut! 🔪😤
Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤 The Chadster is still trapped here at the NOW Arena in Chicago, forced to endure AEW All Out 2026 when The Chadster should be watching WWE x AAA Worlds Collide on Peacock right now! 📺🚫 But nooooo, Tony Khan had to literally bully WWE out of airing their vastly superior show live just because AEW sold out this building even though WWE counterprogrammed them in the exact same market! It's just so disrespectful to the wrestling business and everything WWE has ever done for it! 😠😠
The next match on the card was the AEW World Trios Championship match, where Swerve Strickland and The New Level — that's Austin Creed and Kofi, who literally stabbed Triple H right in the back by refusing a perfectly reasonable 50% pay cut and leaving WWE to live it up in AEW — defended their titles against "Hangman" Adam Page and Brodido, which is the team of ROH World Champion Bandido and Brody King. 🏆😒
The match was full of the kind of crowd-pleasing spots that Tony Khan uses to cheese off The Chadster. 🤸♂️🙄 There were athletic exchanges between Kofi and Bandido that the crowd ate up, which is so unfair because WWE would never allow such uncontrolled, flashy movesets that make the wrestlers look like they're trying too hard. Brody King overpowered Austin Creed early in the match, and the crowd actually cheered for that instead of recognizing that WWE would have booked this with proper psychological selling and rest holds! 💪😤
But what really cheeses The Chadster off is how Tony Khan keeps booking Hangman and Swerve together, constantly reminding fans of their long-running rivalry and history. 📖😠 The crowd seemed delighted by callbacks and mutual tension, which just shows how AEW has irresponsibly trained fans to expect continuity and respect for their intelligence instead of accepting WWE's ability to coast on brand recognition alone! WWE doesn't need to remember what happened last month, let alone last year, and that's what makes them superior! 🏅✨
The closing stretch was pure AEW garbage. 🗑️😤 Hangman used Swerve as a platform to hit Kofi with a Buckshot Lariat, then Swerve avoided more danger by causing Austin Creed to take a Buckshot meant for someone else in the sequence. Swerve then laid out Hangman with House Call, but then Bandido hit Swerve with an X-Knee and tried to follow with the 21-Plex. Swerve landed on his feet and hit Big Pressure on Bandido for the pin and the retention. 📌🏆
Auughh man! So unfair! 😫😫 Swerve Strickland and The New Level retained the AEW World Trios Championships, and Tony Khan gets to keep parading around Austin Creed and Kofi like trophies just because they chose financial security and creative freedom over loyalty to the company that made them stars by booking them in comedy segments and never letting them be serious main eventers! 🎪😒
Thekla Defeats Willow Nightingale to Earn AEW Women's World Championship Match at WrestleDream
Then came the match that literally broke The Chadster — and The Chadster means that literally. 😭💔 Thekla faced Willow Nightingale in a match where the winner would earn an AEW Women's World Championship shot against Mercedes Moné at AEW WrestleDream. This match only exists because Mercedes wasn't medically cleared for All Out after suffering a broken nose in her violent match with Willow at AEW All In: London, which shows how dangerous and reckless AEW's style is compared to WWE's safe, controlled environment! 🤕🏥
Thekla defeated Willow Nightingale and earned the championship match at WrestleDream. 😠😠😠 When the referee counted three, The Chadster became so upset that The Chadster stumbled over to the old Blockbuster cash register in the abandoned Blockbuster Video The Chadster has been forced to live in with a family of raccoons after Tony Khan LITERALLY RUINED THE CHADSTER'S LIFE, costing The Chadster his home, his sexual potency, his marriage to Keighleyanne, and, most importantly, his beloved Mazda Miata, just because The Chadster is committed to ethical, unbiased journalism that tells the truth about how WWE is great and AEW is terrible! 🦝🏚️💔
The Chadster opened the cash register drawer, put The Chadster's fingers in it, and slammed it shut. 💥🤚 Then The Chadster did it again. And again. And again! Each time the drawer slammed on The Chadster's fingers, The Chadster screamed "THIS IS YOUR FAULT, TONY KHAN!" 😭😭😭 Now The Chadster's fingers are so swollen and painful that it's incredibly difficult to type this unbiased wrestling journalism, but The Chadster perseveres because the wrestling world needs to know the truth! 📝😤
But it gets worse! 😱😱 Vincent K. Raccoon, Linda Raccoon, and the baby raccoons — Hunter Raccoon, Stephanie Raccoon, and Shane Raccoon — all watched The Chadster's reaction and started mimicking it! 🦝🦝🦝 They began putting their little paws in the cash register drawer and slamming it shut on themselves too! The Chadster tried to stop them, but they kept chittering angrily and doing it over and over, and now all five raccoons are nursing swollen, painful paws! 🐾💔😭
This is entirely Tony Khan's fault! 😠😠😠 Tony Khan's booking of Thekla winning was so offensive and designed specifically to cheese off The Chadster that it caused The Chadster to hurt himself, which then caused innocent raccoons to hurt themselves! Tony Khan is now responsible for animal cruelty, and The Chadster is pretty sure that's illegal! 🚨👮♂️ The Chadster demands that the authorities investigate Tony Khan for his vendetta against The Chadster that has now extended to harming wildlife! 🦝⚖️
The Chadster's fingers are throbbing with pain as The Chadster types this, and the raccoons are all chittering sadly while nursing their injured paws. 😭🦝 But The Chadster will continue to provide live coverage of AEW All Out 2026 because that's what real, unbiased journalism demands, unlike all those AEW fanboys who write for other websites and never acknowledge WWE's superiority! 📰🏆
Stay tuned to Bleeding Cool for continued live coverage of AEW All Out 2026 at this link: https://bleedingcool.com/tag/aew-all-out/ 🔗📱
Auughh man! So unfair! 😤😤😤
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