WWE SmackDown: Funerals and Coup Attempts on the Eve of Backlash
· BCPosted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: wrestling, wwe smackdown
WWE SmackDown: Funerals and Coup Attempts on the Eve of Backlash
Comrades, El Presidente surfaces from his submarine to preview WWE SmackDown: Gunther speaks, Fatu rampages, and a Gingerbread Man gets a state funeral!
Published Fri, 08 May 2026 17:57:08 -0500
by El Presidente
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Article Summary
- Comrades, WWE SmackDown marches to Backlash as Gunther explains his coup on Cody Rhodes with imperial brutality.
- Jacob Fatu opens WWE SmackDown before Backlash, threatening Roman Reigns with glorious family-table socialism.
- Trick Williams stages a Gingerbread Man funeral on WWE SmackDown, while Sami Zayn awaits revolutionary payback.
- WWE SmackDown also unleashes Rhea’s alliance, Tiffany Stratton’s title defense, and Priest battling Talla Tonga.
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your beloved El Presidente, reporting to you live from the captain's quarters of my luxury submarine, currently submerged off the coast of an undisclosed location because the international tribunals have once again become curious about my retirement plans. My pet capybara Esteban is napping on a velvet pillow next to a bowl of caviar, and I am preparing for one of the most important nights of the wrestling week: WWE SmackDown, the final stop on the road to WWE Backlash in Tampa.
Tonight's WWE SmackDown emanates from the VyStar Veterans Memorial Arena in Jacksonville, Florida, airing at 8 PM ET / 7 PM CT on USA Network, and comrades, the card is stacked higher than the dossier the CIA keeps on my offshore accounts. Let us break it down, shall we?
Gunther Addresses His Surprise Attack on Cody Rhodes
After a unleashing a surprise attack on Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes last week, Gunther will address the WWE Universe. Find out what The Ring General says about his vicious attack on The American Nightmare, Friday on SmackDown at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.
Comrades, I have always respected Gunther because he is a man who does not bother with bureaucracy. When he wants something, he simply chops a man's chest until it looks like a Soviet flag. This is precisely how I once handled a cabinet dispute with my Minister of Agriculture, may he rest in peace in that very nice villa I exiled him to. Cody Rhodes is the head of state of WWE, and Gunther has now committed what international law clearly defines as an attempted coup. I once watched Manuel Noriega try a similar maneuver during a karaoke night in Panama City. He failed, mostly because he chose to sing Whitney Houston in a key God did not intend.
Jacob Fatu Kicks Off SmackDown Before Backlash
On Monday, Jacob Fatu took out World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns for the second week in a row, smashing The OTC through a table with the devastating Tongan Death Grip. Just three days prior on last week's SmackDown, The Samoan Werewolf ruthlessly attacked Solo Sikoa and slammed Talla Tonga through the announce table. Fatu is set to kick off SmackDown on Friday, one night before he challenges Reigns for the World Heavyweight Championship at WWE Backlash. Find out what bedlam will be unleashed at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.
Comrades, Jacob Fatu has put more family members through tables in the last fortnight than I did during the disputed succession crisis of 1987! The man is a one-Samoan wrecking crew, and tomorrow night he challenges Roman Reigns for the World Heavyweight Championship. Reigns has held that title with the iron grip of a man who has watched too many of my old speeches. But Fatu? Fatu reminds me of when I had dinner with Kim Jong-un and Dennis Rodman on a hollowed-out volcano, and Dennis suggested we settle a wine dispute by simply flipping the entire table. Sometimes the most stable diplomatic solution is to flip the table, comrades. The opening of WWE SmackDown tonight will be Fatu's final statement before he attempts the wrestling equivalent of regime change.
Trick Williams Hosts a Funeral for the Gingerbread Man
Trick Williams will host a funeral for the Gingerbread Man one night before defending the United States Championship against Sami Zayn at WWE Backlash. Pay your respects to a crumby situation, Friday at 8 ET/7 CT on SmackDown on USA.
Comrades, I have attended the state funerals of many world leaders. I have wept genuine tears at some of them, and crocodile tears at the others, and at least one where I was the reason we needed a funeral in the first place. But never, in all my decades of geopolitical mourning, have I attended a funeral for a baked good. Trick Williams is hosting this somber ceremony for the Gingerbread Man, who was so brutally massacred by Sami Zayn last week that the Hague is reportedly investigating. I once shared a bunker with Fidel Castro during a Category 4 hurricane, and even he turned to me and said, "El Presidente, when WWE eventually holds a funeral for a cookie, you must watch every second of it." Fidel was a visionary, comrades. Tonight on WWE SmackDown, his prophecy comes to pass.
Rhea Ripley, Charlotte Flair & Alexa Bliss vs. Fatal Influence
WWE Women's Champion Rhea Ripley will stand united with Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss to attempt to quell the rising threat of Fatal Influence in a Six-Woman Tag Team Match. Don't miss all the action of SmackDown, Friday at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.
This, comrades, is what we political scientists call a "coalition of convenience." Rhea Ripley, Charlotte Flair, and Alexa Bliss are three of the most decorated women in WWE, but putting them on the same team is like the time I tried to broker peace between three rival warlords by inviting them to my yacht for a brunch. We had a lovely mimosa service, and then somebody ate the last shrimp, and suddenly there were helicopters involved. Fatal Influence, meanwhile, has the unity of a freshly formed revolutionary council, which means they are about three weeks away from somebody getting thrown off a balcony by their own ally. Enjoy your power while it lasts, Jacy Jayne!
Tiffany Stratton vs. Kiana James for the Women's United States Championship
It's Tiffy Time once again with the new Women's United States Championship reign of Tiffany Stratton. Stratton goes one-on-one against Kiana James in a showdown for the gold, Friday at 8 ET/7 CT on SmackDown on USA.
Tiffany Stratton is the new Women's United States Champion, comrades, and she defends against Kiana James tonight on WWE SmackDown. I respect any champion who carries themselves with absolute confidence, regardless of qualifications. This is, after all, the foundation of my entire political career! Tiffany must defend that title with the swagger of a head of state opening a new presidential palace built entirely from foreign aid money. Esteban informs me that he is firmly in the Tiffy Time camp, mostly because she reminds him of a particularly glamorous capybara he once met at a state function in Caracas.
Damian Priest vs. Talla Tonga
Last week on SmackDown, Talla Tonga emerged to ambush WWE Tag Team Champions Damian Priest and R-Truth as well as Fraxiom. Priest will be out for payback when he undertakes the monstrous task of battling Tonga one-on-one. Don't miss the final SmackDown before WWE Backlash, Friday at 8 ET/7 CT on USA.
Damian Priest is a brave, brave man, comrades. Stepping into the ring one-on-one with Talla Tonga is the kind of decision I would only make if I had at least four body doubles, an escape helicopter fueled and waiting on the roof, and a Swiss banker on speed dial. Priest seeks revenge for the attack last week that also took down R-Truth and Fraxiom, and with Solo Sikoa lurking in the shadows of this entire MFT/Bloodline situation, the geopolitical landscape of WWE SmackDown is more chaotic than my third inauguration, where someone definitely tried to poison the punch bowl. (It was the CIA. It is always the CIA, comrades.)
The Road to Backlash
Tomorrow's WWE Backlash in Tampa features Reigns vs. Fatu for the World Heavyweight Championship, Williams vs. Zayn for the United States Championship, and a "history-making" announcement from John Cena that he has been teasing for weeks. Cena's announcement may shake the foundations of WWE, capitalism itself, and possibly the docking fees the Norwegian harbormaster is currently trying to charge my submarine. We shall see, comrades.
Credit where credit is due, comrades — much of tonight's preview material was sourced from WWE's official website, where you can read their full preview right here.
So tune in tonight, comrades, to WWE SmackDown at 8 PM ET / 7 PM CT on USA Network. As for myself, I shall be watching from the periscope lounge of my submarine, with Esteban curled at my feet, a chilled bottle of 1962 Dom Pérignon liberated from a yacht I no longer wish to discuss, and a freshly fried platter of empanadas prepared by my personal chef, who is contractually obligated to taste every dish first for reasons I'm sure you understand. Viva la lucha libre, and viva la revolución!
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