I Believe the Time is Ripe For ‘Mixed’ Chassidishe Marriages

Article by Chani Vogel: "This week, Shadchanim from Williamsburg approached me, asking me to help facilitate shidduchim between their boys and our girls. Apparently, we in Lubavitch have more single girls, while Satmar and other chassidish communities have more single boys."

By Chani Vogel

As a someone who has the privilege of being a shadchan for over 30 years (I made my first shidduch while in high school) I know that Hashem has very interesting ways of facilitating shidduchim. I have had the best inspirations and ideas in the funniest of places, ranging from the grocery store freezer looking at the chicken legs to seeing a bottle of shampoo and it reminded me of someone with “curly and shiny hair.”

I was approached by a delegation of Shadchanim from Williamsburg this week. They came with a bakasha nafshis, to ask me to facilitate shidduchim between their boys and our girls. They were quick to point out that just this year alone there were at least 4 Lubavitcher girls that married other chasidus boys. In the course of the conversation, it was brought up that there are many such couples living in Crown Heights already. They were very excited to hear that I was on board with this idea.

The interesting thing about shidduchim is that while we in Lubavitch have more single girls, in Satmar and most other chassidish communities, they have more single boys.

The shadchanim told me that they have many singles that have not yet found their bashert, and would be very interested in dating girls from Lubavitcher families. These singles range from very chassidish, to much more modern.

Obviously, the average Satmar bochur is not for the average Lubavitcher girl, but growing up, so many of my friends’ parents were from diverse chasidishe backgrounds, and it was a non-issue. It is irresponsible to say that this is for everyone. Of course, with the complexities of a relationship, it is easier to marry someone who grew up like-minded, but marrying someone of a different background can be a good option for someone who feels they need to expand their search.

So we have this brilliant idea, and we are ready to run with it. But my shoulders are not that wide that I can take this on myself without some guidance.

For that, I turned to the Rebbe. I found a few letters in the Igros Kodesh. In Chelek Chof Aleph, on page 194, “If among the Tmimim and Anash there truly is nothing suitable for her, there is also not too much of a difference in their ages, and your daughter is agreeable to this suggestion, then it would be advisable to bring this shidduch about. May Hashem lead all of you in the path that is best for your daughter, both materially and spiritually.”

In Chelek Yud Aleph page 96, “It is clear that he is correct, that he does not demand from those who offer a shidduch for her, a prior condition of matching the study of Hasidic doctrine, etc., because in our time it is Yiras Shmayim that ends up leading to walking in the Hasidic teachings and directives and in the course of time also to study Toras Hachassidus.”

These are just two examples of what the Rebbe says on this topic (click here to watch a video). There are more letters advocating for this idea, but I think the point was made.

There are so many singles out there in Lubavitch. If you are single, interested in getting married, and open to meeting a single person from another chassidus, I would be happy to help. The database is vast, and this initiative is brilliant.

Although I appreciate the place for parental involvement, I will be speaking with the singles directly. This is obviously only for singles who are mature and looking for this niche.

Please email me with a resume, and a blurb about yourself, letting me know about you, and a few lines about what you are looking for. We are living in Moshiach’s Tzeiten, so let’s make it happen!

I can be reached at ChanitheShadchan@gmail.com

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