Dear Abby: My fiancé betrayed me, and now we’re both unfaithful

DEAR ABBY: I am in a relationship with my hot-and-cold fiance. I caught him cheating after we moved in together. He had been courting someone at work. I eventually forgave him. That was five years ago. In the time since, he has changed completely — for the worse.

He doesn’t take me out, shows me no affection and rarely talks to me about anything except the bills. On top of that, we don’t make love anymore. Is it because he got caught, or could he be cheating again? Either way, it doesn’t matter. I’ve started to cheat, too. I don’t care anymore. Should I kick him out and start over, or give it another chance? — FRUSTRATED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Let’s review the things you have (and haven’t) said in your letter. You allowed a man who cheated on you from the time he moved in to continue living with you. Since then, he doesn’t take you out, shows you no affection and is no longer inclined to make love with you. The reason isn’t because you caught him cheating. It’s because he isn’t in love with you! 

Whether he’s seeing other women is no longer relevant because you aren’t faithful to him either. Why you would give this relationship another chance is beyond me. Not once in your letter did you say you love him. It’s time to end it. Then do what you can to heal from this sorry experience (including consulting a licensed counselor if one is available) and move on with your life.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I just had our first child. He is less than 3 months old. We live close to our family and get together often. My sister and her husband have two sons, 3 and 1. They are constantly sick. My sister and her husband have a history of downplaying their illnesses so that they don’t miss out on family events. They always show up, and even before we had a child, it made us uncomfortable. Now that we have a vulnerable baby, it’s become not only reckless but dangerous. 

When their kids arrive sick, they cough all over everything, and they are never encouraged to wash their hands or cover their mouths when they do it. How do we express our concern to my sister and her husband without sounding like overbearing parents? — CONCERNED NEW MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Congratulations on your new baby! Infants under 6 months old are prone to severe complications from colds and other viruses, so you need to do more than “express your concern.” Stop letting sick people near your new son.

If the gathering is at someone’s home, designate a “baby room” where people with coughs and sneezes are not allowed, and everyone must wash up before entering. Take turns with your husband sitting with the baby in the safe space, or even hire a (healthy) sitter to stay in the room with your son. If people tease you or call you overbearing, so be it. Your baby, your rules.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.