The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap: Peaches on Probation

The Real Housewives of Atlanta
Dynasty Divas in Atlanta
Season 17 Episode 5
Editor’s Rating ★★★
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We love cast trips because they’re a treat for us, an initiation (or hazing, depending on who you ask) for newbies, and a showcase for veteran Housewives to do their thing. But above all, they’re an experiment for producers, who, for a few days out of the season, get all their test subjects in one confined location with no easy way home. However, production can only do so much as puppeteers; a great cast trip requires participation and performance from the wives, and what we’re seeing tonight isn’t going to cut it if RHOA is serious about bringing the franchise back to its venerated position on the network.

Even Cynthia, production’s on-camera proxy, couldn’t do enough shepherding to salvage the beginning of the trip as half of the full-time cast members failed to step up to the plate. I know producers were frustrated because, between the budding beefs and the testy situations awaiting them as they checked into the Dallas Airbnb, there was plenty of material to teed up and ready, but most of the talent fumbled at almost every turn. Some of this does lend to a bit of entertainment because of how chaotic things get, but it pales in comparison to the magic we know a cast trip can bring. 

It starts with a clear disregard for Cynthia’s theme. I can pardon this because, culturally and generationally (Black zillenial here), beyond what I absorbed through pop-culture osmosis, I don’t know much about Dynasty either. But the least they could do is tease up their hair and pay their respects to the iconic Diahann Carroll. Only Porsha and Phaedra understand the assignment — I’m not sure why Cynthia looks like she’s going to a Halloween party as Luann DeLesseps, bless her heart, but we forgive her since she gave us an Adrienne Maloof sighting that wasn’t through the veil of heavily filtered pictures. The rest of the ladies file onto the private plane dressed as if they’re going to five different functions.

Pinky commits the next two offenses: first, she forces everyone on the plane, including the employees, to hold hands for a never-ending, performative Baptist prayer. Then she taints the luxury moment by going on and on about her bankruptcy as Shamea sits back, aghast, at the open display of brokenness. The more Pinky gets stuck in this bankruptcy loop while also talking out of the other side of her mouth about how rich she is, as she will in her fight, the more she looks either fraudulent at worst or plain delusional at best. 

Both Kelli and Angela jump in, sharing their own experiences with losing money. I’m hypocritical because Angela discussing her finances doesn’t elicit the same eye rolls from me as when Kelli and Pinky do. Instead, the difference shows why Angela is a better fit for a long tenure with the franchise than the other two. Something about Angela is very genuine and secure; her financial woes don’t come off as merely a storyline because they don’t define her. Angela’s self-assurance makes her a great Housewife, while Kelli and Pinky’s insecurities and overcompensation are stunting what could be authentic moments. 

Kelli and Pinky’s inability to prove themselves as worthy to play with the big dogs becomes more apparent when Cynthia doles out room assignments. The Airbnb is divided into a main property and two smaller quarters. The main house is fabulous with all the accouterments we’re accustomed to on traditional cast trips. The other lodgings are more in the vein of the newer Housewives trips that miss the mark — think RHOP’s Angel Massie’s now infamous Colorado. Unlike the women on Potomac, the Atlanta ladies at least have running water; however, the disparity between the rooming options and the decision about who gets to stay where makes the statement we’ve all been thinking.

Basically, the women who’ve earned their peaches (Drew, Porsha, K. Michelle, Angela, and Phaedra, who is grandfathered in) get to lie their heads on the pristine pillows of the main house, while those who are on probation (Pinky, Kelli, and Shamea) are hilariously banished to the outskirts. Cynthia drags out her explanation of why Pinky should take the tiny house and why discount Frick and Frack should take the other one by saying it’s because they’re the closest duo, though there’s nothing she can say that will make them not feel a kind of way. To make matters worse, Kelli and Shamea’s house is in desperate need of a deep clean with built-up residue on the toilets and sinks and stains on the bed. This is a key moment where production has a perfect scenario for some action, only for the probation peaches to miss the mark. Shamea, if you don’t use that HVAC money to book a hotel or at least threaten to? Kelli, why does your big mouth only work when no one is watching? Would Gizelle Bryant sit in silence after seeing the mess in that sink? Hell, no, she’s making a scene, and that’s why she probably has a death pact in her contract with Bravo. 

We all know that these trips, and particularly the room assignments, serve as a humiliation ritual, giving the cast a chance to throw their weight around. Someone will always get the short end of the stick, but what’s more important is how they react to the snubbing. A few acceptable options include taking it like a champ and embodying the “plays well with others” role. You could also be a martyr… in respect to the host, of course. Or you can make a scene and establish yourself as a reality diva. The probation peaches take the unacceptable, passive-aggressive route and leave their feelings for the confessionals, thus committing the number-one sin in my book: banality. 

I’m easy to please; I accept all forms of entertainment, even if I find someone annoying or morally questionable. But being boring is where I draw the line. Instead of marching straight to Cynthia and complaining or trying to wiggle their way into the main house, Shamea and Kelli talk shit about Porsha and Phaedra behind their backs, saying they should be the ones in the pool house, and then refuse to come to dinner, proving exactly why they’re on probation. K. Michelle also opts out of dinner because she doesn’t have a glam team, which is a move that, if it were up to me, might land her on probation, too. It’s the first night of the group trip, and half the cast isn’t at the dinner table? Not a good look, ladies. 

I can understand not wanting to go film when everyone else has had a chance to freshen up, and you’re in your funky travel clothes, but we still have a show to make here. Upon learning about the state of the accommodations, Cynthia tries to fix things by requesting a cleaning service, and Pinky graciously offers to bunk with someone on the main property. That’s where any graciousness from Pinky ends because she comes to the table like a bull in a china shop, defending the outcasts and complaining on their behalf with a fervor they themselves didn’t have for Cynthia. 

Pinky’s energy at the table is incredibly spicy, with all her responses carrying an out-of-place attitude for the otherwise tame vibes. When Porsha opens the floor to the table to hash out their issues, Pinky grows increasingly irritable as she defends herself against the meat-eating accusations. Angela clocks Pinky’s confrontational attitude, noting that Pinky “sits on ready” when “it’s not that type of time,” making her come across as bothered. Pinky proves Angela’s point by saying she’s not at all bothered by Angela specifically, and it would, in fact, be a “joke” if she were. Next comes a slew of slick-mouthed comments from Pinky to Angela, including, “There is nothing on you from head to toe that I’m bothered by!” I know I said I wanted some action, but Pinky, this ain’t it. Plus, she’s barking up the wrong oak tree because Mrs. Enforcer knows how to clear the girls with ease. 

Angela saves some of the fumbles of the episode by stepping up to the plate to gather Pinky in her signature calm and collected style. She correctly assesses the situation as Pinky’s insecurities leaping out, making her defensive to the most mundane comments. Pinky starts going lower, escalating the war of words by calling Angela a bitch. Angela coolly returns the favor, saying Pinky is a bitch who doesn’t pay her bills, striking an obviously sensitive nerve with the entrepreneur. Angela retorts, “I could throw a rock and hit ten people you owe.” 

Pinky, clearly out of her depth, tries to reply with an “I’m rich, bitch,” monologue that falls flat because she’s spent her entire time on the show talking about bankruptcy. Needing to change tactics, Pinky starts picking low-hanging fruit by going after Angela’s appearance, which, of course, doesn’t land either. It’s distasteful, as she says things about Angela’s wig and veneers, forcing Angela to roll in the mud with her, delivering another read by calling Pinky’s teeth “incestuous” and referring to her as Mr. Clean and Papa Smurf. Things get so bad that Pinky is left with nothing to do but get up and leave, yet somehow she messes even that up and sits right back down to continue losing the read off. Despite already clearing Pinky, Angela goes in for the kill, exposing an alleged “live-in wife” at Pinky’s house. Oh my! 

As quickly as the fight begins, it ends as both women say they love each other and don’t want to fight. Angela is running circles around these girls! This is how a true Atlanta Housewife moves — she will read you up and down and, in the same breath, welcome you into the sisterhood. I hope we see her for many more seasons. As for Pinky, it might be time for a pink slip, but let’s see how well the rest of the trip goes.