The Onion CEO: "Previous InfoWars Folks Aren't Taking It Well"

Posted in: Opinion, streaming, TV, TV, YouTube | Tagged: alex jones, InfoWars, opinion, the onion

The Onion CEO: "Previous InfoWars Folks Aren't Taking It Well"

The Onion CEO Ben Collins addressed the upcoming hearing over its purchase of InfoWars and how Alex Jones and his crew aren't taking it well.

Published Sat, 16 Nov 2024 19:05:09 -0600
by Ray Flook
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Earlier this week, some ironic hope was able to shine through all of this Trump gloominess. That's when the news came down that The Onion had won a bidding war for the assets connected with Alex Jones's InfoWars. Jones was forced to sell off the steaming pile of conspiracy nonsense after being on the losing end of a defamation judgment to the tune of $1.4 billion when he was sued by families of the victims of the Sandy Hook shooting after claiming that the 2012 massacre was a hoax that was arranged in advance. But shortly after, federal bankruptcy Judge Christopher Lopez ordered a pause in finalizing the deal after Jones' lawyers raised a huff, claiming that the process wasn't fair until a hearing could be held. In a series of posts on Bluesky, The Onion CEO Ben Collins responded to the move by sharing that they are "glad" that Judge Lopez is reviewing the decision, noting that "our bid with the families is clearly the best and transparency is even better."

Collins went on to share that "InfoWars' current management asked to continue operating until then," even though the folks behind The Onion "knew the guys who currently run InfoWars were going to take this badly and use the loss to fundraise off of it, and they did not disappoint." Collins went on to add that "the current operators of InfoWars went back to operating as a business; they used that to falsely say the auction had been overturned and allege some truly wacky stuff." Collins also made it clear that "we expected all of this, obviously. Buying this site was always going to be fun later on but annoying right away. The fun part is still to come." For now, the next chapter looks to be playing out during the hearing on Monday, November 25th.

Hi friends!
I just wanted to give a quick update on The Onion's purchase of InfoWars, which we can't wait to relaunch as the dumbest website on the internet.
The long and short of it: We won the auction and — you're not going to believe this — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.
— Tim Onion (@bencollins.bsky.social) November 16, 2024 at 12:51 PM

Hi friends!
I just wanted to give a quick update on The Onion's purchase of InfoWars, which we can't wait to relaunch as the dumbest website on the internet.
The long and short of it: We won the auction and — you're not going to believe this — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.
On Thursday, the person overseeing the auction told us that The Onion's bid for InfoWars, along with the Connecticut Sandy Hook families, won. We haven't heard anything that changed that — except, of course, from the guys currently running InfoWars, doing InfoWars stuff..
There was a status conference with the judge overseeing the auction on Thursday, shortly after we were deemed winners.
The judge had some questions about process and some assets. We're glad he's doing that, since our bid with the families is clearly the best and transparency is even better.
We left the hearing with clear next steps to complete the sale. InfoWars' current management asked to continue operating until then.
We always knew the guys who currently run InfoWars were going to take this badly and use the loss to fundraise off of it, and they did not disappoint.
Obviously, when the current operators of InfoWars went back to operating as a business, they used that to falsely say the auction had been overturned and allege some truly wacky stuff. Something about Saul Alinsky? God bless 'em.
We expected all of this, obviously. Buying this site was always going to be fun later on, but annoying right away. The fun part is still to come.
Anyway, we look forward to completing this process at the next scheduled court date — which, at present, is a week from Monday.
We think it's all worth it to make a better, funnier future possible. As always: Tu Stultus Es.

The Onion Makes Winning Bid, New Owner of Alex Jones's InfoWars

"The Onion's goal with the acquisition is to end Infowars' relentless barrage of disinformation for the sake of selling supplements and replace it with The Onion's relentless barrage of humor for good," the satirical site noted in a statement. Recently acquired earlier this year by Global Tetrahedron (a "firm" made up by Collins, Jeff Lawson, Leila Brillson, and Danielle Strle), The Onion has made its voice heard in the past when it comes to the issue of school shootings and the nation's lack of realistic response to them, with its "No Way To Prevent This, Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens" post appearing with each tragedy as a stark reminded of how little we're doing to protect our children. "We hope the Sandy Hook families will be able to marvel at the cosmic joke we will soon make of Infowars.com," The Onion CEO Collins added, with early plans in play to relaunch Infowars in January 2025 as another satirical site.

Global Tetrahedron CEO Bryce P. Tetraeder posted a message to the megacorporation's shareholders and to The Onion readers explaining why buying InfoWars was the best long-term investment for the company (again, satire). "Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic "panic" and growing steadily ever since, InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can't even put a man on the Moon," Tetraeder explained.

While more detailed plans on what will happen with InfoWars will be detailed "in due time," Tetraeder did offer some insights into its immediate future. "What's next for InfoWars remains a live issue. The excess funds initially allocated for the purchase will be reinvested into our philanthropic efforts that include business school scholarships for promising cult leaders, a charity that donates elections to at-risk third world dictators, and a new pro bono program pairing orphans with stable factory jobs at no cost to the factories," the CEO wrote. "As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO's life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal."

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