Late Night Tells the Tale of Dueling Senators

“Also very funny to describe a duel as being between two consenting adults. You know, because if only one person consents, that’s murder,” said Seth Meyers, host of “Late Night.”

Welcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.

Dueling It Out

Senator Rand Paul opened the confirmation hearing for Senator Markwayne Mullin to lead the Department of Homeland Security on Wednesday by blasting him for having told his constituents that he “understands completely” why Mr. Paul was assaulted by a neighbor in 2017.

“Low blow, Markwayne, picking on someone with half of your names,” Jordan Klepper said on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”

"Although, to be fair, while Rand Paul does only have one first name, it is his last name for some reason.” — JORDAN KLEPPER

“Markwayne, I think he’s a little upset. Maybe out of respect, just to help smooth things over, tell Rand Paul you do not support his neighbor beating the [expletive] out of him.” — JORDAN KLEPPER

Mullins responded that he was “simply pointing out” that “dueling with two consenting adults is still there,” which Paul quickly shut down, saying, “It’s been illegal for 170 years.”

“I don’t know which part of that is weirder, that Markwayne thought dueling was still legal or that Rand immediately knew it hasn’t been legal for 170 years.” — SETH MEYERS

“OK, nerd. If you challenge Rand to a duel and said, ‘name the time and the place,’ he’d say, ‘Uh, I’m not sure about the place, but let’s make the time the year 1856 so we don’t get arrested.’” — SETH MEYERS


“Also very funny to describe a duel as being between two consenting adults. You know, because if only one person consents, that’s murder.” — SETH MEYERS


“I’m sorry, does the next homeland security chief think that dueling is still legal? My man, it’s definitely not legal to duel, even if your first name is currently involved in one.” — JORDAN KLEPPER

“I cannot believe I’m agreeing with Rand Paul, but he’s right. The only kind of duel that’s still legal is Fanduel. ‘Fanduel: We should be illegal, too.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT


“Either ‘The Bachelorette’ is becoming more like Congress, or Congress is becoming more like ‘The Bachelorette,’ I don’t know.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Third Time’s the Charm Edition)

“Well, admitting it is the first step.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, in response to a viral video of a woman who referred to herself as an idiot for voting for Trump three times


“Well, someone’s not getting an invite to the new ballroom.” — JORDAN KLEPPER


“Wow! She’s a three-time Trump voter? Just imagine how angry she’ll be when she votes for him a fourth time.” — JORDAN KLEPPER

The Bits Worth Watching

The actor Edward Norton returned to “The Late Show” on Wednesday with no project to promote, and the pure intention of catching up with his pal Stephen Colbert.

What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night

The neo-soul singer Jill Scott will perform a song from her first new album in a decade on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”

Also, Check This Out

The Goo Goo Dolls’ song “Iris” has become inescapable as part of a new ’90s-themed social media trend.

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