Here Are 21 Seriously Outrageous Jokes That Were Cut From Kevin Hart’s Roast — And Some Of These Actually Made My Stomach Turn
by Ellen Durney · BuzzFeedPosted 14 minutes ago
On Sunday, Kevin Hart was the subject of a comedy roast that brought together a ton of comedians to brutally mock him — and each other — live on Netflix.
The roast was broadcast live from the Kia Forum in Los Angeles, and the line-up of roasters was seriously star-studded. Host Shane Gillis was joined on stage by celebs like Tom Brady, Serena Williams, Lizzo, Pete Davidson, Dwayne Johnson, Regina Hall, Draymond Green, Usher, and Chelsea Handler — and that’s naming just a few.
If you’ve watched the roast, you’ll know that some of the jokes were jaw-droppingly cruel, making light of everything from Kevin’s 2017 affair to abortions and “Diddy parties.” But it turns out there were more wild remarks that didn't make it to air.
So, brace yourself for 21 below-the-belt jokes to follow. Some of these cut jokes were shared with Variety by Madison Sinclair, a comedy writer who was hired to come up with jokes for the celebs who took part. The others were posted online by Dave Sirus, Pete Davidson’s longtime writing partner.
1. "Kevin is one of the few comedians without a single allegation. When he found out about the MeToo movement, he was shocked. He was like, people are saying no to things?!"
From Madison Sinclair.
2. "Kevin Hart is such a sell-out, even his sex tape had commercial breaks."
From Madison Sinclair, about the video footage at the center of Kevin's 2017 cheating scandal.
3. "Kevin’s in superhero shape, he could star in Wakanda 4’11."
From Dave Sirus.
4. "Did you know that Kevin actually has a nonprofit for organ donation called 'Heartless?' That’s not true. But doesn’t that sound like some dumb shit he would do?"
From Madison Sinclair.
5. "Lizzo broke barriers when she danced as a stripper in Hustlers, mostly because they weren’t properly enforced."
From Madison Sinclair, about Lizzo and the 2019 movie, Hustlers.
6. "Draymond is probably 4 to 5 years from being in the Hall of Fame and 45 minutes from being in Chelsea Handler."
From Dave Sirus, about NBA player Draymond Green.
7. "Kevin, you are so talented — but you are the worst cheater. With your build, I assumed you’d be better at sneaking around."
From Madison Sinclair, about Kevin's 2017 affair.
8. "Shane Gillis only lasted two weeks in basic training. The closest he’s come to becoming a veteran is his views on Asians."
From Madison Sinclair, about Shane Gillis, who was fired from Saturday Night Live in 2019 for using racist and anti-gay slurs on his podcast.
9. "Kevin got drunk and hit that tree so hard he had to stop making cookies in it."
From Dave Sirus, about Kevin's 2019 car accident.
10. "Shane turned down doing the Riyadh Comedy Festival because he has integrity… and he can’t go 48 hours without a drink."
From Madison Sinclair, about the controversial comedy festival in Saudi Arabia.
11. "Draymond Green is a lot like Megan Thee Stallion: They’re famous for letting other people shoot, and he hasn’t been the same since Klay Thompson left."
From Madison Sinclair, presumably referencing Megan Thee Stallion being shot by Tory Lanez in 2020, and her recent split from Draymond's former NBA teammate, Klay Thompson. (Meg wasn't at the roast. Why bring her into this?!)
12. "Kevin Hart is always on the worst platforms: Quibi, Tubi, the ones he puts on when he argues with his wife."
From Madison Sinclair, referring to Kevin's wife, Eniko.
13. "Draymond Green sounds like someone told my uncle: quick, make up a black name."
From Dave Sirus.
14. "Tony is like Melania: The only thing relevant about him is that he opened for Trump once."
From Madison Sinclair, about comedian Tony Hinchcliffe, who appeared on the Donald Trump presidential election trail in 2024, and made deeply offensive jokes while speaking at a Trump rally.
15. "Tony has the license plate iRoast, which is what we all hope for every time he gets behind the wheel."
From Madison Sinclair.
16. "Kevin, I was so disappointed when you did the Riyadh Comedy Festival because on a human-rights level, no one should be forced to listen to your comedy sober."
From Madison Sinclair.
17. "You may know Tony Hinchcliffe from walking through his mouth to enter amusement parks."
From Dave Sirus.
18. "Kevin, thank you so much for being here tonight. I know you have such a busy schedule with stand-up… movies… sitting on that shelf every Christmas."
From Madison Sinclair.
19. "All jokes aside, Chelsea Handler is a killer, specifically if you believe life starts at conception."
From Dave Sirus, about Chelsea Handler, who previously revealed she had two abortions in her teens.
20. "Yes, Chelsea aborted a fetus, and he’s here tonight. Jeff, take a bow. Oh man, I’m going to hell for that one. Chelsea, anything you want me to say to your kids while I’m there?"
From Dave Sirus, about Chelsea and "Roastmaster General," comedian Jeff Ross.
21. "Kevin, why were you hooking up with women in cars? If you wanted to cheat and get away with it, you should have gone somewhere desolate, a no man’s land, somewhere no one would ever go by any means necessary… like Hart House on La Brea."
From Madison Sinclair, about Kevin's plant-based fast-food restaurant chain that shut down after two years in 2024.