Waiting for Madonna

Shouldering through an eager crowd of migrating filler and sequined tank tops, I knew that there was really no telling when Madonna would arrive for her Tribeca Film Festival premiere of Confessions II – The Film. The screening and talkback with Jimmy Fallon was originally scheduled to start at 8 p.m. at the Beacon Theatre, but just hours earlier the screening time was pushed back to 9 p.m — the habitually late Madge was already behind schedule. But no bother. Who wouldn’t wait for Madonna?

At this point, waiting is a key part of any Madonna experience — it builds suspense, it makes the event feel earned, it signifies gravitas. So I was prepared to wait, but there was one part of the waiting that I wasn’t prepared for: bins upon bins of Yondr pouches to lock away our phones. Yes, in true Phoebe Bridgers-fashion, this event would (understandably) lock up the audience’s phones to keep the unreleased film unreleased. Sealing away phones means secrets can be kept, theater actors get to be comfortable being naked on stage, and the audience is forced to be respectful and present — but the problem is, I don’t want to be fully present while I’m waiting for hours for the show to begin. Time goes by so slowly for those who wait.

And wait we did. As the theater very slowly began to fill up, the only thing to do was look around at the Madonna fans around me. I wondered who was making vodka sodas across Manhattan if every single gay club’s bartender was in this building tonight. I saw a woman drop a Peanut M&M between her two breast implants. There was what looked to be a Gay Talese lookalike contest happening at the foot of the stage. Was this a fever dream of some sort? Was Madonna holding me hostage or had I died? Refuge came in the form of Debi Mazar, as it always does, who I spotted holding court from her orchestra seat, greeting constituents in a dark green bra under a white mesh top, her bob unmistakable. 

My only sense of how much time had passed came from eavesdropping on Tommy Dorfman, whose row gasped when someone said their watch read 9:52. But was that p.m. or a.m., I silently wondered? Now a full hour after the screening’s revised start time, you could feel a shift as the crowd became impatient. The balcony would periodically break out into chants of Madonna, as if to will her arrival into existence. But in my heart I knew she hadn’t even called a car to the theatre yet. Finally, nearly three hours after doors opened…the lights dimmed and from a set of doors at the side of the orchestra, Madonna — wearing sunglasses, a shimmering silver dress, and hulking white fur coat — emerged like Old Deuteronomy.

Confessions II — The Film itself wasn’t a music video nor visual album, but something in between. Running just over ten minutes (clearly an estimate, given the circumstances), it seamlessly blended the first six songs from the new album into an explosion of visuals that’ll surely lead to further A.I. discourse upon its release on June 8 — but pointed to the album being greater than the sum of its parts. The crowd was instantly won over from the second they saw lasers shooting out of vaginas, though Madonna sadly didn’t get to partake. “I really wanted to try but apparently they get quite hot,” she explained. Though she did get to recreate her ‘80s club days amongst a parade of cameos that included Sabrina Carpenter, Benedict Cumberbatch, Kate Moss, Odessa A’zion, Gwendoline Christie, Richard E. Grant, Archie Madekwe, her daughter Lourdes Leon, and Debi Mazar — the latter of whom also gets a lyrical shoutout during the standout “Danceteria.”

Though the following talkback was originally intended to be moderated by Jimmy Fallon, the audience erupted into cheers when it was announced that he had been replaced by Anderson Cooper. He welcomed the filmmakers (TORSO) but warned that Madonna, who had made her way backstage from the audience, would be another 3 or 4 minutes. “I know you’ve been waiting for a long time,” he commiserated, but another 4 minutes I could handle.

Fresh off of her Times Square performance the day prior, she told the Tribeca audience that this entire album was actually the result of some waiting of her own. While her primary focus had been on making her biopic starring Julia Garner (whose cameo in the Confessions II film received the biggest reaction of them all), when that fell apart she attempted to find a writer to instead turn her story into a limited series, but the long process wasn’t proving fruitful, so: “I’m just gonna make some dance music while I’m waiting,” she said.

While the screening’s Yondr pouch policy made sense to protect the unreleased music and film, the added benefit was an exceptionally present audience, which Madonna says has become an anomaly. After performing with Sabrina Carpenter at Coachella to what she calls a “young” audience, she says she was disappointed to look out into a sea of cell phones. “I didn’t know what anybody looked like,” she said, removing her own sunglasses as she added that she misses looking in people’s eyes. Throughout the conversation, the passage of time became a recurring theme — particularly when talking about “Danceteria” which transports us to a formative part of the singer’s life at the famous ‘80s club of the same name, though she noted that only a few from those days were still alive to recreate the club in the film. 

It was as the event began to wrap up just after 11 p.m. (but who’s counting?), that I saw the true power of Madonna. No, it wasn’t that she could (and earned the right to) keep a rapt audience happily waiting for hours — it was something else. When Anderson Cooper announced that they would replay the film one more time following the conversation — which I figured was a ploy to allow Madonna to escape the building without being mobbed — she instructed the audience to stay silent this time so they could hear the lyrics. And sure enough, as the film played again, this audience that had screamed and cheered at her every move — whether it be casually removing her coat or taking a sip of water — was dead silent.