7 in 10 divorcees still keep wedding photos, says new survey on exes and boundaries

A new survey of divorced singles looks at how divorced singles navigate exes, old memories and boundaries while starting over.

The term “boundaries” now plays a pivotal role in everyone’s life, be it at work, in social life or in personal relationships. In fact, it often comes up in conversations around love and dating. And when you have an “ex”-factor in the picture, the idea of boundaries becomes important for both partners.

So, what do you mean by having “boundaries with your ex”? Block, delete and move on? Or burning down or throwing away everything they ever gifted you like Monica, Phoebe and Rachel? Well, it’s not that simple. Especially because real life, especially after divorce, doesn’t quite work that way.

Seven in 10 previously married singles still have their wedding photographs with their ex. Surprising? Perhaps. But does it mean they are still holding on to the past? Not necessarily.

For people starting over after marriage, an ex may still exist in the picture because of children, property, family ties, mutual friends or simply years of shared history. A survey by Rebounce, India’s matchmaking app for divorced, separated and widowed individuals, looks at how divorced singles define boundaries with an ex while moving on to a new relationship.

The survey covered 9,283 respondents aged 30 to 40, who had been divorced for at least two years. Here’s what they say about the boundaries around an old relationship, the misconceptions, and why there isn’t exactly a universal rulebook

Boundaries mean no contact?

Not necessarily.

About 47% of divorced singles above 35 said one of the biggest misconceptions about boundaries with an ex-spouse is that they automatically mean no contact.

For co-parents, that would be almost impossible anyway. Nearly 31% of respondents said they occasionally communicate with their former spouse around children’s school events, legal or property matters and longstanding family ties.

Discussing your child’s school admission is one thing, but calling your ex every time you’re having a relationship crisis is another. That's where most divorced singles draw the line. According to the survey, "the distinction lies in whether the interaction is for an existing shared responsibility or emotional dependency."

Wedding photos: Delete or keep?

If divorce came with a giant delete button, life would probably be considerably easier.

But seven in 10 previously married singles surveyed said they still have wedding photographs with their ex. That doesn’t automatically mean they are holding on to the marriage. A photograph can simply be a record of a life that happened, particularly when there are children and years of family history involved.

Similarly, 36% of divorcees between 30 and 40 said they still have familiar places, events and memories that hold a soft corner in their hearts, without affecting their present relationship. Because moving on isn’t the same as forgetting.

When ex is still around

Around 3,384 divorced singles across Tier 1, 2 and 3 cities said that previous-marriage dynamics can sometimes influence everyday things in a relationship — from festival traditions and family interactions to conflict styles and how much information partners share with each other. That is hardly surprising.

The problem arises when the old relationship starts making decisions for the new one. Aditya, 37, from Mumbai, said, "Sometimes, in relationships where your partner's old habits never died, it can feel like you are not just negotiating with your partner but with all the expectations they inherited from their last marriage. Happened to me once with a match, and it's never a good feeling."

Your partner may still celebrate a festival differently because of how they grew up or what they experienced in their first marriage. That’s different from expecting the new partner to follow the rules of the old relationship.

But having said that, every relationship is different. Some may end on a sour note, and staying in touch may simply not be an option — and that’s not a crime either. So, the real boundary? Whatever gives the present relationship clarity and peace of mind.

- Ends