"Delulu" Is Not a Mental Illness

The term is just another pop culture perversion of a psychiatric disorder.

Reviewed by Monica Vilhauer Ph.D.

Key points

• "Delulu" is a pop culture term suggesting someone has delusion-like beliefs, usually about relationships.
• Celebrity infatuation and fantasizing is not the same as the delusions of psychosis.
• Misrepresenting mental illness terms can lead people to falsely believe they have psychiatric disorders.

I was recently contacted by a journalist who wanted to clarify how the trending Gen Z term “delulu” compared with the mental health term “delusional.” The former is clearly derived from the latter, but in yet another pop culture perversion of mental health terms, misunderstanding follows.

An online perusal of definitions of "delulu" unearthed information that it began in the K-Pop movement and indicated unrealistic relationship ideas fans harbored for their favorite K-Pop celebrities, and the term went viral on TikTok. A basic definition was noted in a 2023, USA Today article:

The slang "delulu" often describes a person being delusional about something or someone they are a fan of, such as an actor or musician…For example, they may be convinced they are going to marry their favorite musician because they made eye contact during a concert. The slang can also be used to describe a fan who acts out-of-the-ordinary or obsessively toward their preferred celebrity.

Similar to how “bipolar,” "schizophrenic" “ADHD” “OCD” have been adjectivized and thus misrepresented, leading some to even believe they or their friends have a mental illness based on a loose interpretation of a diagnosis if they get moody, distracted or are very organized, someone being called delulu is probably not actually suffering from a serious mental health complication.

Delusions properly defined

First, a delusion is a fixed, false belief that’s held with conviction and has a pervasive, negative effect on a person's optimal functioning. Even in the face of solid evidence countering the belief, a truly delusional person is not about to see things otherwise. For instance, someone with a paranoid delusion about their spouse drugging them in their sleep and then leaving the house to have an affair might be shown blood tests that offer no evidence of hypnotics. Nonetheless, they will probably press that their spouse used something untraceable or the spouses’ alleged lover works in the lab and tampered with the blood sample.

Further, delulu is known to be used similarly to “fake it til you make it.” In other words, by delulu people often mean pretending to be someone or something until you get pretty good at it and “make it.” This, of course, is a voluntary activity, whereas a delusion is not something someone can summon. Delusions tend to arise subconsciously and insidiously, often as a defense towards internal conflicts.

Evolution of delusional beliefs

When someone develops a delusional belief involving a perceived lover, usually involving being “loved from a distance,” it’s known as an erotomaniac delusion. Such a delusional person tends to believe that something, like the object of affection’s actual partner, is keeping them from being together. This is different than a crush with wishful thinking or being a “superfan” and going to events to try to rub elbows with the person.

A truly delusional person with an erotomaniac delusion about someone of status, for instance, is likely utilizing a grandiosity defense against feelings of inadequacy. As an unconscious process, over time, the individual’s admiration for the person might become hyper-focused, and they may even start vicariously living a life of stardom, feeling they identify with the celebrity. Soon, they are over-identifying with them, feeling they have things in common, and believing that they are closing in on truly knowing them. Hidden messages might be perceived, like if the celebrity looks the way of the person at a concert on the heels of a fan club letter telling the celebrity where they’ll be sitting at the upcoming show. This is interpreted as interest, and the person feels they must make themselves available to them or show up more boldly so the celebrity doesn’t simply think it was a fleeting event and they’re being dissed. Soon, the person is arrested for loitering around the celebrity’s property or trying to gain access to the tour bus.

Perhaps one of the most famous erotomaniac delusions is the case of John Hinkley, Jr. in the 1980’s. Hinkley wanted to gain the recognition of actress Jodie Foster after seeing the movie Taxi Driver and becoming infatuated with her. Desperate for her attention and the ensuing fame it would surely bring, he wrote her love letters, made numerous calls to her Yale University living quarters, and moved to New Haven to stalk her. When his gestures were unsuccessful, he decided that, knowing Foster disapproved of then-President Reagan, that he would attempt to assassinate Reagan to indicate they were meant for each other.

Can "deluluships" exist?

Lastly, while “delulu” or “deluluship” is not exactly the same as someone suffering from a mental illness, there is an extremely rare diagnosable condition called foile a deux, or shared psychotic disorder. Shared psychotic disorder happens when one person in a close relationship experiences an actual delusion, and the other who doesn’t know better believes the material, so it begins to influence the second party. It is not the same as a one-sided love affair based on a fan's idea that a celebrity might want to meet them.

The delusions of foile a deux are often believable paranoia about, say, being stalked and harassed. Chances are, the people suffering the delusion lead a generally normal life other than having peculiar habits about being incognito in certain places and being anal about home security. Eventually their spouse, say, may catch on and the person comes clean that they believe they’re being stalked. In turn, the spouse then becomes hypervigilant for someone of a certain description, too, and becomes preoccupied with the idea they could now be stalked or meddled with.

A famous forensic case involving mention of this disorder involves the 2002 kidnapping of teenager Elizabeth Smart. Her captors, Brian David Mitchell and Wanda Barzee, may have had a shared psychosis relationship. Mitchell was deemed by some evaluators to experience grandiose delusions about deification, which Barzee was evaluated to have come to believe without question. Barzee essentially acted accordingly as his servant and, thus, as a co-conspirator. In another case, documented in Pauline Dakin’s book Run, Hide, Repeat, the author documents how shared psychotic disorder permeated her entire nuclear family when her stepfather constantly moved them around.

Reading biographical accounts can help alter misunderstanding about mental illness and curb the stigma that comes from the pejorative nature in which they’re portrayed in popular culture. Other accounts that detail people’s actual delusional experiences are I Never Promised You a Rose Garden by Joanne Greenberg and, based on a case by famed analyst Frieda Fromme Reichman, Esme Weijun Wang’s The Collected Schizophrenias.

Disclaimer: The material provided in this post is for informational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any illness in readers or people they know. The information should not replace personalized care or intervention from an individual's provider or formal supervision if you're a practitioner or student.