Someone Asked “How Did You Lose Your Best Friend?” And 50 People Got Honest

05 Oct 2024, 01:00 by Robyn Smith, Ilona Baliūnaitė · Bored Panda

Love makes the world go round. And friendships make life more bearable and fun. Research shows that stable, healthy friendships are beneficial to our well-being and can even help us to live longer, healthier lives. Many of us would love for our friendships to last forever. But unfortunately, that's not always possible.

Best friends part for many reasons. Sometimes they drift apart, other times they cut ties after an argument, or one does something totally unforgivable. If you've ever lost a bestie, you might know the heartbreak can be similar to that of losing a lover. When someone went online and asked "how did you lose your best friend?", they were inundated with answers. From "blurred lines", to infidelity, to disability, Bored Panda has gathered the most raw and honest responses.

This post may include affiliate links.

It was October 16, 2015. I was working from home that day when I saw a call from him at around 9:15am. I had to ignore the call because I was in an online meeting.

At 2pm my Dad calls my phone, which is unusual since he knows I'm working. I answer it.

He is speaking quietly and very calmly. He says, "Son, I love you very much. I have some terrible news. Jared passed away this morning." Jared's wife was calling me from his phone to say she found him dead.

I couldn't process what he was saying. I said, "That's not funny. Jared, his wife and me and my wife were supposed to meet up next weekend for dinner."

Jared had sleep apnea surgery that same week. He had taken a painkiller and benadryl together. It stopped his heart.

He died 2 days before his 40th birthday.

We were friends since grade school. We did everything together, he was my brother. He was the best man at my wedding earlier that year. I had just shared my son's heartbeat with him via a text message 2 days before. Jared was so excited to be his crazy uncle.

I miss him every single day.SnooCapers1425 , MART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Modal close
ADVERTISEMENT

He ascended to beagle heaven.MAJORMETAL84 , Dina Nasyrova/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Depression. I pulled away from everyone because I didn't want to inflict myself on them.

ETA: Holy c**p, I'm so sorry so many of us are in the same boat. ☹
Here's to hoping there's a light at the end of this tunnel.Krazykatledeh123 , RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Regardless of the reason, losing a best friend can be devastating. That person was likely part of your life for a while. Someone you shared your innermost thoughts, fears and secrets with. You might have laughed and cried together. And suddenly, they're gone.

Therapists say the brain interprets loss as emotional trauma. There are physical symptoms that come with it. You might not want to eat. Your memory, sleep, and general brain function could be affected. The trauma could last months, or even years.

I started using a wheelchair.

I learned the hard way that most friends just can't deal with that. Almost all of my friends today never knew me as a walking person.buckyhermit , Marcus Aurelius/Pexels (not the actual photo)

I noticed that he never came to my place to catch up. I stopped going over to his place to see how long until he noticed....
It's been 5 years now 🤷‍♂️.Mr_Nonesuch , Rhema/Pexels (not the actual photo)

They became my girlfriend.
r1o2c3

There are various symptoms of grief that go with the loss of a bestie. You might experience confusion, anger, guilt, sadness, shock, denial and even physical pains before you find yourself accepting the situation. It's important to note that acceptance doesn't mean you no longer grieve the loss, or miss your friend. It means you've decided to move on with your life and cope.

Best friend/room mate and I were watching quantum leap (episode "So help me God") when he suddenly jumped up and yelled "OH F**K"! He promptly collapsed and hit the floor. I tried to catch him before he bounced off the coffee table but ended up going down with him. Realized when doing CPR he was dead. Hypertropic cardiomyopathy, a birth defect, his heart exploded basically. He had strep for a couple weeks and was struggling with it, this ultimately is what caused his heart to give. When he left the apartment that morning to goto class I remember thinking "Geez he looks horrible, he might die..." Drank for a year solid after that.

Edit: Just realized it has been 16 years to the exact day. No wonder why I'm not sleeping...MagneHalvard , Alena Darmel/Pexels (not the actual photo)

ADVERTISEMENT
Not me but my son. Him and his high school sweetheart broke up after 4 years together and his best friend immediately swooped in on the girl. Kinda a gut punch after my son had leaned on the best friend in times of trouble with the girl. Turned out he was simply setting up his own hustle. Then to top it all off, the now former best friend and former girlfriend went to work on the rest of the friend group to ice out my son. Damn teens can be cruel as hell. He’s got a great attitude about the whole mess though, he says “those were high school friends, on to better things”.
anon
ADVERTISEMENT

His wife tried to sleep with me. I didn’t let it happen and I told him about it. They reconciled and had more kids, then it got weird whenever I was around so we drifted apart.mycowild , Ron Lach/Pexels (not the actual photo)

“Prioritizing self-care, revisiting positive memories, and leaning on your support network can help you navigate this challenging period,” reads one therapy website. It's not unusual for friendships to end. Friends will come and go throughout our lives. But when a friend becomes like family, it's a different story altogether. So it goes without saying that some friendships will take longer to get over than others.

He k*lled himself. i often go and meet up with his little brother and we play with his toy cars. i think it takes my mind off it as much as his.Slugees , Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Codependency. I became basically obsessed with her and it just became too toxic. I had to cut it off because it was eating me up inside and she didn’t deserve how I was treating her.SuccessfulEggplant82 , Ivan Samkov/Pexels (not the actual photo)

I moved out of our apartment when I got tired of his boyfriend doing nothing but play League of Legends all day long. I was the one paying for the internet and transferred it to my new apartment, and decided not to share the login information so they could use the crappy xfinity open internet, and apparently that's all it took. From that moment on I was the enemy.

I learned my lesson in just how little I was valued in that friendship.kadyrama , Yan Krukau/Pexels (not the actual photo)

"After losing a friend, allow yourself to grieve as you would for a family member," adds the site. "While some may not view the loss of friendship as equivalent to more accepted forms of grief, your experience is valid. Permitting yourself time and space to heal is essential.”

I got tired of it being all about her all of the time. I couldn't tell her anything in my life good
or bad because she would make it about herself.Wide-Fig-1063 , Ron Lach/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Car accident in 1988. Still call her Mum on birthdays, Mothers Day etc.

She was 5 days younger than me. We always said we'd do a double 21st. She only made it to 19

Miss you, Tracey.nurseofdeath , Karolina Kaboompics/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Eh he stole my idea and took the credit. A*****e didn't even admit it to me. He got hit by a bus tho, and I lost my bus driving licence.Ace19212 , MART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Sometimes you might think you've healed and moved on, only to be triggered by something that breaks your heart all over again. Birthdays, holidays, or even places could cause sadness. You should try plan ahead for those circumstances if you can. So that you're better able to manage your emotions.

If you ever feel like you can't cope, it's best to seek professional help from a therapist. Have you ever gone through a bad break-up with a bestie? What did you do to help you cope? Let us know in the comments.

Honestly, they just expected more out of me than I was capable of giving. Just blurred lines and unrealistic expectations.Pimpkin_Pie , Roberto Nickson/Pexels (not the actual photo)

I’m a Leo. My freind saw a STUPID A*S ZODIAC TIKTOKER saying that Leo’s are the most dangerous to be freinds with. Bam. Gone. M.i.a.thats_not_cheesecake , ART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Best friend is gay. Known him for about 35 years. Marries a woman who is a total religious psycho. She even lied to him for years about her age before they married. Always tells him what to do and he’s the type who can’t say no. She finds gay porn on his phone and makes him delete all social media, cut off ties to everyone he knows (outside of family), get STD tested, confess to their preacher and his parents, makes him get a new phone and puts tracking software on it.

I haven’t seen or heard from him in nearly a year and have no idea how to contact him. He should have never kept secrets from her, but he should have never married her in the first place. I wish there was something I could do.anon , Anastasia Shuraeva/Pexels (not the actual photo)

He slapped my girlfriend.PunkZillah , Anastasia Bekker/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Best friends since we were 12.
Best Man at my wedding when we were 28.

Day after the wedding he never spoke to me again.

No explanation. Calls and texts went unanswered.
He would avoid being at any social event I would be at, which was a few because we had the same circle of friends.

Tried for two years to keep that friendship alive.Tionek , Ron Lach/Pexels (not the actual photo)

I realized that I’m always the first one reaching out.. I stopped messaging them to see if they’d notice or try to reach out to me.. well it’s been two years.
lingerinthedoorway

He stayed up all night putting finishing touches on a senior term paper in high school. The deadline for the paper was unforgiving and at least one person missed the deadline every year. Paper was worth 50% of the term grade. He was a smart guy, top 5 in a class of 500.

Anyway, he didn’t show up at school the next day. Around mid day they announced his death due to a traffic accident on his way to school.

I’m not sure he was my best friend though he was a very good friend, but I’m pretty sure I was his best friend. Good guy, lousy ending. RIP RC.-Blixx- , MART PRODUCTION/Pexels (not the actual photo)

My ex wife. Even after we split we stayed close, co-parenting, helping each other out. She died 3.5 years ago. I could have made peace I think but after her death and our daughter was living with me full time I found out about how abusive my ex had been to her when I was around and it felt like losing her all over. Like I thought I knew who she was in the 13 years we'd had both together and separated, but it turns out I knew nothing. Now I'm just angry about it, like how dare you get to do this s**t and then leave me to clean up your mess. How dare you have peace when my daughter has nothing but struggles and therapy. I fele like we were robbed of the good person, the good mother I thought she was.Scarecrowqueen , Kindel Media/Pexels (not the actual photo)

He married a girl who was a psychology major and she used that major to manipulate and control him. When they had a kid she was threatening him daily to take their daughter and leave forever if he so much as texted his friends. Its been about four years now and I miss the guy, but the poor sap made his decisions and I constantly wonder how miserable he is.
genericmovievillain
ADVERTISEMENT
I finally realised she'd been treating me like s**t for years and I deserved better.
ladymemeow3
I met him on Fortnite, then we found out we only lived an hour away from each other's houses. He was my best friend for 2 years, then sadly he died from a car accident involving a moose.
toesAnd_farts

I was six months pregnant at the time and all I could think was "do I really have the bandwidth to take care of two babies?" I haven't spoken to her sincekeepinitcornmeal , Surendra Basnet/Pexels (not the actual photo)

No jokes.This guy was always naive as hell and I accepted it.But one day he asked me to talk with him without phones on street.Warning,dumbest part starts,he said that his grandma told him that he is Stalin grandson.Then he said he wants ro start a revolution against Putin and he wants me to participate in that.I refused,and he stoped being my friend.(Sorry for my bad english,as you could understand,Im from Russia)
P.S about the phones part.He thout goverment can listen to us through them and get rid of him if they hear the revolution part.anon , cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)

ADVERTISEMENT
She passed away aged 26.

Cancer's a b***h.

Edit: thanks everyone. My friend was the best person in the world. Was lucky to have her in my life even if that time was cut short. Sorry to anyone else who's had to deal with the loss of someone to cancer. Here's hoping that one day there will be a cure.

Also thanks for the silver. No idea what that actually means but appreciate it nevertheless (:.
Zirafa90

No idea. He slowly stopped answering calls, texts, emails.... his wife, even more so. I'd occasionally stop by to see them and everything appeared to be OK. They never stopped to see us, even though his mother lived just a few miles away. I just quit trying.NagromTrebloc , cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)

He got married, and she doesn't allow him to hang out with anyone without her.
Troy-Swanson
ADVERTISEMENT

He stole from uh...everyone.

He took my money twice, once straight up taking the whole a*s wallet too. On another occasion he wanted to "borrow" my Gameboy Color and my extra copy of Pokemon Yellow. Important detail is the quotes around borrow. M**********r never brought it back, probably never played it.

Supposedly he did s**t like this for d***s. But on other occasions he has stolen things just for the f**k of it, so who knows.

I was not the only victim.TitanicMan , Mikhail Nilov/Pexels (not the actual photo)

F*ck that b!!!

She stopped talking to me because I confronted her about the ways she was abusing my friendship.

I let her move in with me because she said she was in dire straits with her husband, even though my house was already crowded. She moved in, and would just party every weekend.
She would try to win over my friends, by embarrassing me in front of them.

I could go on and on, I’m so happy she’s out of my life!!
a67344462
ADVERTISEMENT
Best friend/ love of my life. She took her own life and left me, month before we had a miscarriage and it took a toll on her mental and her demons just got the best of her. Can’t wait to see her and my unborn child after this.
anon
Her boyfriend hit on me quite aggressively and I told her and she didn't believe me until he did it to another one of her friends a few months later.
CuriousAbyss69
Sudden brain aneurysm at 42.
treelovingaytheist
Caught him sleeping with my girlfriend of 4 years.
hotstepper2
She went through a terrible depression and processing severe trauma, and I didn't understand how to truly support her.

I hope to be in touch with her again so I can apologize. Completely lost contact.
assaulty
ADVERTISEMENT

I’d say I’ve had three “best friends” I’ve lost over my lifetime.

First one: I was the a*****e.

Second one: He was the a*****e.

Third one: Just drifted apart as our lives went our separate ways.Zolo49 , Eren Li/Pexels (not the actual photo)

I took her for granted. I figured that she would always be there. I wasn’t taking care of myself and I didn’t see how that was impacting her. She left because of it. We were in love but we were also each other’s best friend. I wish I didn’t lose her but it’s taught me so much about myself that I’m glad she did it. I’m doing really well now. I wish things could have been different but I wouldn’t have learned any other way. The hard road is s****y but it can be the best way to grow as a person.
quitekid2
ADVERTISEMENT
This was back when we where 13 or so

She wanted me to drop stuff I liked to do because it was to nerdy. Being involved with the scouts, reading, drawing all not cool apparently
We went to different high schools and she was embarrassed of me with her new friends.

I did not do that and I haven't seen her in years. We spend pretty much our whole childhood together.
SnowdropWorks
Every conversation and activity was them-centric. When I had a bad day, they would turn it to a story about themself; they wouldn't want to go for a hike but would goad me into paying $40 to see a (s****y) play; they had a crush on every opp-sex friend of ours and got upset if I hung out with the friends solo.

I told them a very gentle version of that after having been best friends for about 7 years and their reply was "Nope, I don't do that.".
strongerthongs
ADVERTISEMENT
Got them a job at the place I worked for a long time. They made him a supervisor and it went to his head. Worst mistake I had made in a long time.
anon
He passed away in a car accident in 2019 right before his first college football game, the only best friend i truly had. i was about to travel to his school to see him play..then i got the call that he passed.
marrnextdoorr

He was already passed out drunk himself so he likely didn't feel anything, but it was still such a terrible senseless way to go. That was 10 years ago last June. He was barely 21, the nicest guy you'd ever meet, and one hell of a bassist. Miss ya, JakeFormerLurker3 , cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Slowly everybody just grew apart.anon , cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Our parents got married for 3 years and then they divorced and now i don't have a best friend 🥲.wundzr , wendel moretti/Pexels (not the actual photo)

Friend moved to the other side of the planet, with their spouse, to be nearer to both their families. I never understood what real friendship was before friend was in my life; and now they're alive, but not here.ClutchCrgo , SHVETS production/Pexels (not the actual photo)

He became a conspiracy theorist. I called him out on the horse s**t and told me to "F**k off! I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you! I'M F****N' DONE WITH YOU!!".
PhatmanSlim93
ADVERTISEMENT
Well, we just stopped talking. I guess I was a toxic guy and took her for granted.

Honestly, she listened to everything I just said and I barely asked how she was. And the main problem was that it was covid times so no meeting. I mean even if it weren't covid, she lived in an entirely different city. But ya, she was an extroverted person and liked to talk. We just never talked on the phone cause I really felt uncomfortable calling anyone but my dad. But when she did call me, we would talk for hours like literally 1 or 2 hours. And I would just be a s**t guy and just never bother to ask how she is or if everything is fine I did but I would forget stuff. Once I learned from my mistakes, she just stopped talking to me.

She constantly tried to pull me out of my comfort zone and be the most therapeutic friend possible, Praising me for everything i did. And I am not gonna lie, the second part is more true than the first one.

I actually have a constant reminder of her on me so I will never forget her. I have this small fine scar on my right hand that, she accidentally scratched me with her long nail. I thought it would heal but I never thought it would leave a mark. It did. I guess in a way even she did.
Kyro_Sol
ADVERTISEMENT