Small Forms of Connection That Can Have a Surprising Impact

You can easily fit one of these strategies into a busy day.

Reviewed by Devon Frye

With the frenzied pace of modern life, many of us don’t socialize as much as we’d like. We often feel like there’s no time or energy for lunch with co-workers, a weekend getaway with friends, a visit to the new neighbors’ house, or even a phone call to our parents. We delay these opportunities—or forgo them altogether—and deprive ourselves of the human connection that’s so good for our health and happiness.

It might help to remember that connection doesn’t have to be time or energy-intensive. It can be squeezed into a few meaningful moments. And, it can happen essentially anytime, anywhere, with anyone.

Here are a few small practices that can leave you feeling a lot more connected.

1. Talk to strangers.

We run into strangers all of the time—sitting at the bus stop, running errands, going to a new yoga class, or walking around our neighborhood. Why not seize these opportunities to make a quick connection?

Research shows that talking to strangers can lift our mood and make us feel more connected to others—and much more so than we expect. It doesn’t have to be a long conversation either. In one study, people who had a brief conversation with their barista left the coffee shop feeling more connected than those who kept it “business as usual.”

2. Perform random acts of kindness.

Performing random acts of kindness can make us feel happier and more connected—and can brighten someone else’s day, too. These acts of kindness don’t have to be big. You can put a quarter into an expired parking meter, pick up a piece of litter, return a grocery cart to the corral, write an online review for your favorite restaurant, or give someone a compliment. Being kind is a great way to remember that we’re all in this together.

3. Give a small gift.

People from around the world experience more happiness when they spend their money on others rather than on themselves, likely because this prosocial spending enhances feelings of social connection. One study found that spending just five dollars on someone else led to a significant mood boost. If you can afford it, you might buy a latte for your coworker on the way to work. Or bring home your partner’s favorite dessert.

4. Send a thank you note.

Expressing gratitude is a powerful way to strengthen your relationships and sense of connection, and research shows that it doesn’t require a huge investment of time. You can share gratitude publicly on social media, write a short note, or even send a quick text. (Thanks for reading this post, by the way.)

5. Share a laugh.

Laughing at the same time as someone else, about the same thing, can strengthen your sense of connection by signaling that you have a similar worldview. To get a quick connection, look for opportunities to laugh with others. Crack a few jokes at the office meeting, exchange funny memes with your mom, or watch a Saturday Night Live clip with a friend.

6. Share good news.

Sharing good news with others (a process called capitalization) is an important source of social connection. When you share good news with someone and get a positive response, you’re likely to feel closer to that person. So, the next time something good happens to you (big or small!), be sure to call or text your friends.

7. Make an 8-minute phone call.

Many of us prefer texting to talking on the phone because it’s more efficient, but research suggests that we’d feel more connected if we talked. Think you’re too busy for a regular phone call? Try the “8-minute phone call” mentioned in a recent New York Times article. This approach involves asking a friend to talk on the phone for eight minutes. When time is up, say goodbye and enjoy the good feelings of connection you created.

8. Experience more “micro-moments” of love and connection.

In her book Love 2.0, psychologist Barbara Fredrickson argues that love isn’t just the intense, lightning bolt experience that you have with a romantic partner. It’s also the small moments of connection that you can share with anyone—a friendly nod, a genuine smile, a knowing glance, a high five, a caring touch. These micro-moments quickly add up to make us happier, healthier, and more socially connected.

9. Practice loving kindness.

Loving-kindness meditation is a practice that cultivates feelings of goodwill toward yourself and others, and it can be done virtually anywhere, anytime. It involves bringing to mind different people and silently repeating phrases such as May You Be Safe, May You Be Happy, May You Be Healthy, and May You Live with Ease. Practicing loving-kindness meditation for just a few minutes a day can increase positive emotions, including joy, gratitude, and love, and can increase your sense of social connection.

TLDR: Despite the fast pace of modern life, there’s always time for a little connection.

For more ways to connect, check out my upcoming book Our New Social Life: Science-Based Strategies for Creating Meaningful Connection (co-authored with Dr. Jaime Kurtz).