From Awkward to Awesome

How to transform your interpersonal skills.

Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

Key points

• Emotional responses during social situations can significantly impact our overall well-being.
• Engaging in supportive social environments fosters resilience and enhances the healing process.
• Understanding the brain's adaptability can empower individuals to improve their social skills and connections.

Let me take you back to my first day of college. It was a terrible day! As a freshman at the local pub, I tried to mingle but felt completely out of place. My pupils dilated, my heart raced, and my palms were so sweaty I had to hold my beer with two hands. Every attempt at starting a conversation felt like an oncoming social tsunami. Little did I know, my brain was working against me.

My amygdala, sensing potential social threats, flooded my system with stress hormones like cortisol, part of the brain’s fight-or-flight mechanism. Meanwhile, my prefrontal cortex struggled to maintain composure amid the stress. The decrease in dopamine levels, essential for reward and pleasure, intensified my feelings of disconnection and anxiety.

This complex symphony of chemical and neural activity shaped my social interactions and overall experience. I felt doomed.

The Neuroplasticity of Social Interactions

Today, as a professor of applied neuroscience, I appreciate the brain’s ability to adapt and change. Imagine meeting Max, a client intrigued by neuroplasticity but skeptical about its implications beyond brain mechanics.

“So, are you saying my brain can change just by interacting differently with people?” Max asks, leaning forward with a mix of curiosity and doubt.

“Absolutely,” I reply. “Let me share a story.” I recount the tale of Emily, a spirited retiree who sought help after a stroke affected her speech and confidence. Emily loved her book club but found herself withdrawing due to difficulty expressing her thoughts. In our coaching sessions, we devised a plan to build her confidence in speaking, through non-stressful social activities. She spent time strengthening her brain’s Broca area involved in speech as she learned to speak for herself.

Weeks later, Emily returned with a sparkle in her eyes. “You won’t believe it! I started volunteering at a local library, reading to kids. Each week, I feel more confident, and my speech is improving.”

Max looks intrigued. “So, her brain changed because she engaged socially?”

“Exactly,” I nod. “Her brain rewired itself to thrive in new social situations.”

Max grins, now ableto see beyond the mechanical view. “That’s incredible! It’s like our brains are designed to adapt to the social world.” Research on neuroplasticity supports this: The brain is a dynamic organ reshaping itself based on our experiences.

The Social Dynamics of Brain Health

As Max leaves, inspired by Emily’s story, I reflect on how understanding neuroplasticity involves appreciating the impact of social experiences on our brain’s capacity to change. Social influence plays a crucial role in shaping our minds.

Mind-reading involves interpreting thoughts and emotions based on observable behavior, while brain-reading delves into the underlying neural mechanisms driving those behaviors. By examining both perspectives, we can gain a deeper understanding of human interaction and improve our social intelligence.

A groundbreaking book in this field is Social by UCLA professor Matthew Lieberman. He reveals that our need to connect with others may be even more fundamental than our need for food and shelter. Social connection is key to our success as a species. Lieberman discovered that when not focused on a specific task, our brain uses its default network to learn about the social world (Lieberman, 2013). By age 10, we have spent many hours learning to understand people and groups, emphasizing our brain’s prioritization of social intelligence. Social pain and pleasure impact our brains as profoundly as physical pain. This explains why social losses are often felt as painful experiences (Lieberman, 2013).

Neurotransmitters and Social Experiences

Let’s dive deeper into how neurotransmitters influence our social experiences: Dopamine is central to our reward system; pleasurable experiences release dopamine, encouraging more positive interactions. Conversely, serotonin helps regulate mood and social behavior; low levels are associated with social anxiety.

Oxytocin, sometimes called the “love hormone,” enhances social bonding and trust. Glutamate promotes neural activation, while GABA reduces neuronal excitability, preventing overstimulation. This balance is crucial for navigating social experiences.

Interestingly, our brain’s default mode network (DMN) becomes active at rest and is involved in self-referential thinking and recalling memories, helping us understand ourselves and relate to others. When engaged in social interactions, the DMN aids in interpreting social cues.

As a neuroplastician, my work explores how the brain’s adaptive capacities can promote resilience amid neurological challenges. This underscores the potential for rehabilitation strategies that leverage neuroplasticity to improve cognitive outcomes.

A Symphony of Adaptation

The brain’s ability to adapt and grow throughout life underscores its dynamic nature. By embracing this shift in social neuroscience research, we deepen our understanding of cognitive function and recognize the profound impact of social context on brain health.

Are you a mind-reader or a brain-reader? Next time you find yourself in a socially awkward situation, remember that your brain is hard at work balancing signals, releasing neurotransmitters, and activating networks to navigate the social landscape, as explained by Lieberman. Understanding these processes enriches our appreciation of the brain’s capabilities and highlights the importance of social connections in our lives.