Breaking the Holiday Drinking Cycle

How to unhook from heavy alcohol drinking during the winter festivities season.

Reviewed by Jessica Schrader

Key points

• The holidays are commonly associated with heavier drinking.
• By planning ahead, you can reduce your drinking and make healthier choices.
• Your drinking is often driven by hidden factors that drive the desire to reduce pain or discomfort.

The holidays can be a joyous time, filled with family, friends, and celebrations. But for many, they also bring a unique set of challenges: parties with free-flowing alcohol, family stress, and societal pressure (or permission) to drink... a lot.

Nearly 40% of Americans increase their alcohol consumption during the holiday season, according to the NIAAA. But what if this year, you broke the cycle and experienced the season differently? By understanding the underlying emotional hooks and adopting practical strategies, you can make this holiday a turning point.

Understanding the Emotional Hooks of Holiday Drinking

For many, the holidays evoke powerful emotions—nostalgia, joy, anxiety, depression, and loneliness. These feelings, combined with societal norms, create a potent cocktail of triggers that can lead to excessive drinking. In my books The Abstinence Myth and Unhooked, I explain that addiction often stems from emotional pain or unmet needs. As I say in the Abstinence Myth, “Alcohol becomes the quick fix for emotions we don’t want to face.”

The holiday season, with its highs and lows, amplifies this dynamic.

The Role of SPARO in Understanding Triggers

I introduce the SPARO framework in my upcoming book Unhooked to make it easier to identify where the behavior originates from. I identify Stimulus, Perception, Activation, Response, and Outcome as key components of behavior. Applying SPARO to holiday drinking can illuminate why alcohol feels so integral to the season:

• Stimulus: Parties with bars, specific family members (they may drink a lot, or make you uncomfortable), negative emotional states like loneliness, or just being handed a drink can all serve as powerful starting points. Can also include activation of past traumas.
• Perception: Negative thinking patterns that make us dread certain scenarios, or interpret others' reactions and words and putting us down; believing that being somewhat alone during the holidays is a mark on our self-worth and value.
• Activation: The emotional and somatic (i.e., bodily) responses that our interpretations create. These are often negative (but not always), and can include increased blood pressure and heart rate, shallow breathing, feelings of fear or anxiety. Can be triggered by past traumas.
• Reponses: The behaviors we've adopted to deal with the negative activations and perceptions. When we begin feeling uncomfortable or shamed, we rely on these (often limited responses) to take away the pain.
• Outcomes: The negative result of our behavioral patterns. This can be the blacking out at a party and embarrassing yourself, doing something you retreat the next morning or the throwing up in the bushes. It can even simply be the blurting out some uncomfortable truth at the table that creates conflict in your family, or texting your ex 25 times in a row with no response (oops).

Understanding the SPARO stages that are causing you the most problems is is the first step to creating change. Are you drinking to cope with family tension? To feel more at ease in social settings? Or simply because everyone else is doing it (social pressure to conform, which could have to do with self-worth)?

Identifying these patterns allows you to reframe your holiday experience.

Strategies for Change: Small Shifts, Big Impact

Creating change doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul. In my book, I introduce a similar shared years ago by BJ Fogg. In Tiny Habits, Fogg emphasizes the power of starting small: “Celebrate every small win because it creates momentum.”

This holiday season, following that principle, consider these small shift strategies for breaking the drinking cycle:

1. Say No to the First Drink

The first drink often sets the tone for the rest of the evening. By declining that initial glass, you may find it easier to maintain your resolve. Malcolm Gladwell, in The Tipping Point, discusses the concept of “stickiness”—small moments that create lasting change. Saying no to the first drink is your tipping point. It’s not about deprivation but about empowerment. Think of it this way - Choosing differently, even once, can rewrite the story you tell yourself about who you are and what you can do. Additionally, delaying that first drink can give you time to eat something and drink some non-alcoholic replacement.

2. Lean on Alternative Activities

Replace drinking with activities that align with the holiday spirit:

• Host a mocktail-making competition and add these to the drink mix for the night.
• Suggest a holiday movie marathon.
• Engage in physical activities like ice skating or hiking, which boost endorphins and naturally elevate mood.

Research published in the Journal of Happiness Studies reveals that engaging in shared, non-drinking activities strengthens social bonds and increases overall satisfaction.

3. Identify Your Support System

Surrounding yourself with supportive people can make all the difference. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a therapist, or an online community, having someone to turn to during tough moments is invaluable. In Unhooked, I emphasize the importance of connection over isolation in overcoming addictive behaviors. “Healing happens in community."

Having a support person with you at the events you go to can be the best solution. Our IGNTD participants will often pair up and create accountability partners with people they know from groups.

4. Reframe Holiday Norms

Challenge the assumption that alcohol is essential for fun. Gladwell’s research into social behaviors underscores that much of what we accept as “normal” is learned and can be unlearned. By redefining what the holidays mean to you, you can create traditions that don’t revolve around alcohol.

5. Plan Ahead for Tricky Situations

Prepare for moments when the pressure to drink feels overwhelming:

• Have a go-to response ready: “I’m trying something different this year.” Make sure you practice saying it out loud first.
• Hold a non-alcoholic drink in your hand to avoid questions. This is one of the easiest tricks for reducing social pressure without having to be upfront about your desire to drink less.
• Step outside or take a moment to breathe if you feel triggered. Practice a quick mindfulness moment to reduce stress, and reconnect to your plan.
• Have an exit strategy, in case things get too hard. Another friend's house, a supportive phone call, or even a movie to take you out of risky situations can be a life-saver.

These small shifts not only protect your commitment but also build resilience over time.

A Gift of Freedom

This holiday season, give yourself the ultimate gift: freedom from the cycle of holiday heavy drinking. As James Clear reminds us, “You do not rise to the level of your goals; you fall to the level of your systems.” By identifying triggers, leaning on support, and making small but intentional changes, you can create a system that fosters joy and connection without alcohol.

Imagine waking up on New Year’s Day with a clear head, feeling proud of the choices you made. Imagine experiencing the holidays with authenticity and presence, unclouded by the haze of alcohol. The journey begins with one small step: saying no to the first drink, rethinking traditions, and embracing a season of true connection. This year, break the cycle and find joy that doesn’t come from a bottle—it’s closer than you think.