Louise Thompson says 'I will never have the perfect family I always thought I would'

Former Made in Chelsea star Louise Thompson has opened up on the pain of secondary infertility after the traumatic birth of her son Leo, who is now three years old

Louise Thompson has admitted she will never have the "perfect family" she had been dreaming of for years as she opened up on the aftermath of her son's birth that left her with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

The former Made in Chelsea star, 34, nearly died while giving birth to Leo, her first child with fiancé Ryan Libbey in November 2021. She needed an emergency C-section after doctors found that her son's head was stuck in her pelvis - and during the traumatic ordeal, she lost three-and-a-half litres of blood as medics operated for more than three hours to save her and her son's lives.

Before getting pregnant with Leo, Louise had suffered a devastating miscarriage. This week, Leo turned three and Louise said she feels "very lucky" to be able to celebrate his birthday. However, she has also shared her heartbreak she feels every single year as she dreamed of having a big family, with four children, but this won't be possible following the traumatic experience she went through.

In a heartbreaking first-person piece for You Magazine, a Mail on Sunday supplement, Louise admitted secondary infertility - which is the inability to conceive or carry a baby to term after previously giving birth - "is a very real problem." She admitted this is made worse by the fact that people often ask her whether she will give her son a sibling, without understanding the pain and hurt she has been facing, as she dreamed of having more children but is unable to.

Louise said that as Leo's third birthday approached, she could feel sadness at the idea that she won't be able to have the "perfect family" she had in her mind. She wrote: "As the third year approached, I could feel something bigger than a party looming over me: the fact that I will never have the 'perfect family' I always thought I would.

"Nothing emphasises the passing of time like your child’s birthday, and I can't deny that when I look around at other friends popping out countless children, it hits home that this is not a reality for us. I always imagined I'd have four children. I loved the idea of a big family with lots of noise and different personalities. People said it would be hard work, but I liked the idea of each sibling bringing up the one behind them. I wanted to be like the Von Trapps. This will never be my life.

"I used to believe that if you work hard enough you can achieve anything, but that's not true: I will never be able to go back and fix what happened to me. There will always be a sadness that I won't experience childbirth again. That sadness is a part of who I am now and I need to learn how to take it forward into the rest of my life."

She added: "It's made harder when people ask, 'Are you going to give Leo a sibling?' Quite frankly, I'd like to say, 'None of your f***ing business', but I'm happy to discuss it here if only to try to alleviate the pain for others, because secondary infertility is a very real problem." But despite her pain, Louise said she feels "lucky" and she admitted that the most important things in her life now are "health, stability and inner calm."

After writing her column, Louise was taken ill and was in hospital, but she is now recuperating at home - and said her son "had a blast" on his third birthday. Marking Leo's birthday on social media, the proud mum revealed that her latest trip to hospital had derailed fun birthday plans - but she shared her gratitude for being able to celebrate the day with him.

She wrote: "It's my son's 3rd birthday. We were meant to be in Somerset for some big fancy family do/ staycation with VIP zoo experiences, catered meals, entertainment, glamping lodges, etc etc. the lot. We're not and it's a bit of a shame, but a teeny tiny loss in the grand scheme of things.

"As you can imagine there have been lots of moving parts, but the main thing is that we're back together and we're ticking along just fine. We're working hard to make this birthday the BEST possible experience for HIM because Leo is all that matters today. Ultimately we're grouping together lots of the things he loves… luckily for us are nice simple, inexpensive things. Mainly cake and music and little toys and family."

She continued: "I've managed to capture a few pictures but family will be around tomorrow for hugs and kisses and tea and hats. Today has been restful. For now I thought I'd share this video that Zara [McDermott - who dates Louise's brother, Sam Thompson] sent on our homies WhatsApp group this morning to wish him a happy birthday... because IT IS THE BEST thing since salted butter on crumpets. It had us in CREASES."

The TV star added: "I feel very lucky to have the coolest, funniest kid out there. I’ve whispered all the gushy stuff + sweet nothings into your ear holes tonight. Reserved for me n u. This video highlights how brave and fearless you are. Even the dogs were scared to cross this light well. Not le Leo! Character in droves. Proud of you, proud of us."

If you have been affected by this story, advice and support can be found at the Miscarriage Association. You can call them on 01924 200799 or email info@miscarriageassociation.org.uk.

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