'I want to know I can die with dignity and compassion - and make that choice for myself'

Tracey Iles says she has made her peace with her terminal diagnosis but the thing that frightens her is a long, suffering painful death - 'that just horrifies me'

Tracey Iles has made her peace with the fact that she's going to die.

But the 60-year-old is terrified of suffering a painful death and the impact that will have on her family. Tracey, from near Oxford, was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2022 after discovering a lump in her breast. But when she went to the doctor to discuss her treatment, she was given the devastating news that it was stage four and the cancer had already spread to her liver.

A year later she started to suffer from terrible headaches. Doctors then discovered she had a brain tumour. The tumour was removed in September 2023 and she has regular scans to keep the disease at bay.

For now, Tracey is responding well to treatment and she is trying to enjoy life. But she knows it can’t be cured and she worries about the impact of her suffering on her family, including her husband Ralph and her daughter Lauren, and one-year-old granddaughter Ava.

“My life is going to probably be a lot shorter than I thought it would be. I’m probably going to die of this illness, and I have come to terms with this,” she said. "But the thing that really frightens me and scares me is the thought of how I will die.

“Unfortunately with this illness, you can have a very long, suffering, painful death - and that just horrifies me.” Tracey added: “It’s 2024, I cannot believe that people like myself that are terminally ill have the prospect of a painful, tortuous death. It’s just barbaric as far as I’m concerned. I want to know I can die with dignity and compassion - and make that choice for myself.”

Despite coming to terms with her diagnosis, the prospect of dying weighs on her mind. Tracey said: "I can be happy, I can be positive every day. But I am scared about how I’m going to die, of course I am.”

She said palliative care plays a vital role and she may not need to seek help to end her life. But she added: “Just to know that if I can’t bear the pain any longer and I am suffering - and my family are seeing me suffer - that I can decide at that point that that’s enough, enough is enough, and I’m going to die anyway and I don’t want to suffer any longer in unbearable pain, and I can release myself and go peacefully. You can’t do that in this country.”

If she wanted to seek an assisted death at Dignitas in Switzerland, she would need to be well enough to make the journey and her family would be at risk of prosecution if they accompanied her.

She said: “I would be on my own. What a horrible way to end your life. I want to be in my home with my family around me and know that I can have a peaceful, good death. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”