The Grammy awards were all about what the stars weren’t wearing

Dropping it all for the Grams

To warm us up a little — we had the 68th hammy Grammys.

This smart-ass version of “gramophone” began 1959. Beverly Hilton Hotel. Mort Sahl, emcee. Awardees: Ella Fitzgerald, Count Basie, Henry Mancini. The big hit — Louis Prima, Keely Smith and “That Old Black Magic.”

Sunday’s Grammyites flashed whatever they could unzip. Lady Gaga once showed as an egg. Years ago, Annie Lennox schlepped in as Minnie Mouse. Nobody missed a beat or a boob.

The biggie? Bad Bunny. That’s his name. Only wheelchairs are re-thinking maybe Bing Crosby, Mel Tormé, Frank Sinatra. The world’s gotten younger, freakier, dustier. Don’t look to join in and hum something. Just put on your warped old dusty round 78 disc and don’t bother everyone.

Was it overdone? Overdressed? Please. Even crotches were bedazzled.

Stew-ing about

Martha Stewart’s picking “9 Tacky Antiques That Are Tracking Now.” Like gilded mirrors, chintz, fake plants, wicker, Pyrex, brass, sofa covers, bamboo and wallpaper. MarthaStewart.com. Put on icky Pucci. Do not! Send me anything. 

Serviced by Midas

Everybody’s unloading. Attention James Bond fans. Grab a Rolls-Royce. 2026 black and yellow Phantom III like in 1964’s “Goldfinger.” Updated, solid gold putter in the trunk, map of Fort Knox in the backseat, gold interior fixtures. Price starts at half a mil. Enough to repair any dents. 

Presidential prerogative

Our president’s not patient. Like him or don’t like him, scream at him or adore him. Seventy years I’ve been with him when he’s up — and way the hell down when only a few of us even knew it at the time. Like him or don’t like him, but smarter or tougher there isn’t. Also, this mightn’t have started had the Big Z-for-Zelensky been a better negotiator.

Political hysteria falls into Donald’s “action” category. Maybe he allows adversaries into the land of uncertainty, weakens the Ukrainian, lessen his influence, believes Zelensky unlikely to support a cease fire brokered by him and Putin. But let’s just assume he’s running down the Ukrainian. The Statue of Liberty’s still there watching over Donald Trump.

Name calling

I’m naming names. Tupac Shakur was named after Túpac Amaru, an Incan sentenced to death by Spaniards. In ancient Quechuan, name means shining serpent.

Monica Lewinsky: “Monica means ‘adviser’ in Latin.” Yeah. Great. Perfect.

Orson Welles: Orson means ‘bear’ in Latin. That fits.

Johnny Depp: “In German ‘depp’ means ‘village idiot.’ ”

Christina Aguilera’s last name means ‘eagle’s nest’ in Spanish.

Ringo? That’s “apple” in Japanese.

Salma Hayek. Salma means “corpse” in Italian.

Woody Allen. Once made a movie calling himself “zelig,” which means “blessed” in Hebrew.

Sissy Spacek: “My family’s Moravian where our name means ‘starling.’ ”

Calista Flockhart named for her great grandma says it means “most beautiful” in Greek.