Credit...NBC
Late Night Misses the Defense Department Already
President Trump has renamed it the Department of War, “which is what people call the clearance section at TJ Maxx,” Jimmy Fallon said.
by https://www.nytimes.com/by/trish-bendix · NY TimesWelcome to Late Night Roundup, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
This Means War
President Trump signed an executive order on Friday renaming the Department of Defense. It’s now the Department of War.
“When they heard about the big change, the owner of Cracker Barrel was, like, ‘Maybe take a minute and think about it,’” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday.
“He’s going with Department of War, which is what people call the clearance section at TJ Maxx.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Changing the name is expected to cost a billion dollars. Trump said, ‘I’ll get the money from the Treasury Department, which is now called the Department of Ka-ching.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Ooh, a rebrand. You know what that means: The Pentagon is getting bangs!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“He also renamed Melania ‘Ivanka,’ so ...” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“He said it sends a message that we are fierce warriors, and then he went back to his Twitter spat with Rosie O’Donnell.” — BILL MAHER
“Oh, also, the Justice Department will now be the Bureau of Revenge, the State Department is now just Marco Rubio@AOL, and the Centers for Disease Control is now just Disease.” — BILL MAHER
The Punchiest Punchlines (U.S. Open Edition)
“Yesterday here in New York, President Trump attended the U.S. Open final. Yep, Trump was excited. It was the first time in years he went to court without his lawyers.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, Trump was there as a guest of Rolex and sat in their suite. And this is very nice — they even gave him a special watch with two little hands.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Trump had fun at the match. He said, ‘[imitating Trump] I enjoy Love-15 and Love-30 but started losing interest at Love-40.” — JIMMY FALLON
“You know how much of a jerk you have to be to get booed by a tennis crowd? They’re not like natural booers — they’re Chablis-drinking Volvo drivers who think strawberries are a dessert.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“This year, Trump’s been to the Super Bowl, the Daytona 500, the World Cup, two UFC fights and a wrestling championship. Eric and Don Jr. were like, ‘Still couldn’t come to one of our Little League games?’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Stephen Colbert celebrated the bittersweet 10th anniversary of his “Late Show” debut on Monday.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Steve Martin, Martin Short and Selena Gomez will promote the fifth season of “Only Murders in the Building” on “The Tonight Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Leonardo DiCaprio, Benicio Del Toro and Regina Hall joined their co-stars in discussing “One Battle After Another,” the new political satire from the writer-director Paul Thomas Anderson.