Best, Worst and Most Awkward Lines at the Al Smith Dinner

Best, Worst and Most Awkward Lines at the Al Smith Dinner

Donald J. Trump and Kamala Harris both delivered remarks, Ms. Harris via taped video and Mr. Trump in person in a ballroom in Manhattan.

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By Michael Gold

The two people running for president in one of the most pivotal and divisive elections in American history both tried to be funny at a Catholic charity event on Thursday night.

Results were mixed at best, uncomfortable at worst. Maybe it didn’t cost them any votes. Certainly, it cost them some laughs.

Former President Donald J. Trump and Vice President Kamala Harris both delivered remarks to the Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner, Ms. Harris in a recorded video and Mr. Trump in person in a ballroom in Manhattan packed with New York’s political elite, business leaders and religious luminaries.

Mr. Trump rushed through prepared remarks, stumbling at times as he read through pointed political jokes, bitter grievances and crude and at times profane personal attacks. He seemed most energized when he ditched his script, caught between being an insult comic or just being insulting.

Ms. Harris was campaigning in Wisconsin, a critical battleground. She sent a recorded video in her place, appearing with the actress Molly Shannon as her Catholic schoolgirl character Mary Katherine Gallagher.

The vice president’s absence robbed the event of some of its electricity, and both Mr. Trump and the event’s master of ceremonies, the comedian Jim Gaffigan, mocked her for not attending. Ms. Harris is not the first candidate to miss the event. Walter F. Mondale, the Democratic nominee, skipped the dinner in 1984. Presidential candidates did not attend the dinner in 1992, 1996 or 2004.

Here are the moments that stuck out.

Slyest call-out to the Ten Commandments. After being advised by Ms. Shannon that “thou shalt not bear false witness to thy neighbor,” Ms. Harris replied, “especially thy neighbor’s election results.”

Best sign that sketch comedy benefits from a live audience. Ms. Harris’s video, several moments of which fell flat in the room.

Funniest appeal to battleground voters. Ms. Harris, promising Ms. Shannon she wouldn’t mock Catholics at a Catholic charity event, by explaining “that would be like criticizing Detroit in Detroit.”

Most blunt appeal to battleground voters. Mr. Trump, growling loudly as he told the audience, “Catholics, you’ve got to vote for me. You better remember: I’m here, and she’s not.”

Most gracious moment. Mr. Trump, opening his address by praising the work of Democratic leaders he has publicly excoriated, including Senator Chuck Schumer (“He’s a good man”) and a seemingly uneasy Gov. Kathy Hochul of New York (“Good job. It’s not an easy one, is it? But you’re doing all right.”).

Least gracious moment: Mr. Trump, trying to denigrate the intelligence of both President Biden and Ms. Harris in the same joke: “We have someone in the White House who can barely talk, barely put together two coherent sentences, who seems to have mental faculties of a child. It’s a person that has nothing going, no intelligence whatsoever. But enough about Kamala Harris.”

Best running mate rundown, Republican. Mr. Gaffigan, making one of the few references of the night to the Republican vice-presidential candidate, Senator JD Vance of Ohio: “It is impossible to not have a strong opinion about President Trump. You either think he is endearingly outspoken and brash, or you think he’s a sociopath, and you’d like to be his running mate.”

Best running mate rundown, Democratic. Mr. Trump, referring to a number of misstatements made by the Democratic vice-presidential candidate, Gov. Tim Walz of Minnesota: “Unfortunately, Governor Walz isn’t here himself. But don’t worry, he’ll say that he was.”

Crudest running mate rundown, Democratic. Mr. Trump, disparaging transgender people and saying, “I used to think the Democrats were crazy for saying men have periods. But then I met Tim Walz.”

Most honest moment. Mr. Trump: “Tradition holds that I’m supposed to tell a few self-deprecating jokes this evening. So here it goes. Nope. I’ve got nothing. There’s nothing to say.”

Second-most honest moment. Mr. Trump, explaining one of his favorite rhetorical constructions: “I always say the Democrat Party, because it sounds worse.”

Best joke the deliverer didn’t seem to understand. Mr. Trump, who repeatedly poked fun at Mayor Eric Adams over a criminal indictment that accuses him of improper ties to Turkey. “The mayor’s dietary restrictions are well known, but I’ve got to say I’ve never met a person who’s a vegan who liked Turkey so much.”

Fastest dash for the exit. Mr. Adams, who smiled along graciously while his criminal case was a repeated punchline but cleared the room as soon as Mr. Trump was finished.

Best pandering to the evening’s hosts. Ms. Shannon, telling Ms. Harris there would be a fact-checker in the room. “Who?” The vice president asked. “Jesus,” Ms. Shannon said.

Cringiest joke about a cringe-worthy subject. Mr. Gaffigan, saying, “President Trump talked about migrants taking cats and eating them. So if you’re keeping track at home, this is the second time grabbing a kitty has been part of a campaign.” After a shocked, awkward response from the room, he said, “You know, I was going to leave that one out.”

Joke Trump seemed to like the most. Mr. Gaffigan: “President Biden couldn’t be here tonight. The D.N.C. made sure of that.”

Least charitable act. Mr. Trump, using profanity to attack the city’s former mayor when he said, “I’m surprised that Bill de Blasio was actually able to make it tonight. He was a terrible mayor.” He added, “That’s not comedy. That’s a fact.”

Cringiest Emhoff joke. Mr. Trump, referring to an extramarital affair that Ms. Harris’s husband had during his first marriage, saying, “The only piece of advice I would have for her in the event that she wins is not to let her husband Doug anywhere near the nannies.” After many in the room groaned, he added, “That’s a nasty one. I told these idiots that gave me this stuff, that’s too tough.”

Most biblical joke. Mr. Gaffigan, drawing from Scripture to address Melania Trump, who made a rare appearance on the campaign trail: “Jesus taught us to forgive seven times, not seven times, but 70 times seven. And Melania, you may be the first person to actually reach that.”

Stoniest face. Michael R. Bloomberg, the former mayor of New York, who looked nothing short of miserable throughout Mr. Trump’s remarks.