28 Posts About Corporate America That Were So Hysterical They Actually Made Me Momentarily Forget About The Meeting I've Been Dreading All Weekend

Posted 1 hour ago

Everyone talks about the important milestones in your corporate career: decades completed, corner offices, etc. No one ever talks about the biggest milestone, however: the moment when you finally realize that work only takes up half your day, and the other half is just looking busy until you can go home. Don't worry; here are 28 posts to keep you looking busy for the next few minutes:

1. She's got her mother's eyes and her father's work ethic.

2. "Per my last email" is only cool when I say it.

3. Can I report someone to HR for being a nosy little fucker?

4. Okay, now lean in a bit closer to your screen and furrow your brow so people walking by think you're really focused on something.

5. Every time I have to deal with two-factor authentication, I lose a year off my life.

6. The lesser of two evils, I guess?

7. They're disciplining you, but you're mentally plotting your revenge on the coworker who reported you for joking about stealing five La Croixs every day (not a joke, and now you need to empty your bag without anyone noticing).

8. You don't get paid more to yap, but Brenda in tech sure does love to stand at your desk and talk as if she gets paid by the syllable.

9. "I'm actually trying to watch my weight (of stupid tasks on my shoulders)."

10. I wanted to be a pop star when I grew up, but all they offered me in college was macro-economics...

11. Don't worry, that's only 9,896 work days!

12. I close my rings by sprinting from a conference room on the first floor to a different conference room on the second.

13. I don't know what shareholder value actually is, and at this point, I'm too afraid to ask.

14. Your ancestors did NOT escape the Salem Witch Trials so you could send passive-aggressive emails to your lazy coworkers.

15. If you hear me mumbling at my desk, I'm reminding myself that I literally got on my knees and prayed for this job.

16. For the love of god, STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT I'M AVAILABLE!!!

17. Catch me microdosing menopausal hot flashes by standing next to the office window at noon.

18. This is second only to a Friday meeting getting canceled.

19. Isn't it so great that your only options are hating your job or facing the job market?

20. Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can't wear a cape, I dare you.

21. "I will find you. And I will kill you." —Me to that random unread Teams notification

22. I'm literally begging for a single sentence explainer in the calendar invite, PLEASE.

23. All that only for it to be a group chat that you don't even need to be in.

24. You may as well walk around with a dunce cap on.

25. Being the personality hire ain't much, but it's honest work.

26. Not to mention, those 16 hours in between fly by.

27. And they're the only options available.

28. And lastly, "I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had." —Ron Swanson

In need of some additional laughs? Check out the most recent workplace roundup here!

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