How To Navigate Difficult Conversations With Kids About The Election

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As news of President-elect Donald Trump’s decisive victory spread early Wednesday, questions and fears about what his second term might hold arose among people of all ages.

“I’ve been spending the morning assuring our grandson he is safe and secure,” one HuffPost reader told us via Facebook. “Privately, I am agonizing on how to actually do this.” 

In Kamala Harris’ concession speech on Wednesday afternoon, she addressed the young people watching, reassuring them, “It is OK to feel sad and disappointed. But please know it’s going to be OK.”

“On the campaign, I would often say, ‘When we fight, we win.’ But here’s the thing, here’s the thing, sometimes the fight takes a while,” Harris told the crowd at Howard University, her alma mater in Washington, D.C. “That doesn’t mean we won’t win. That doesn’t mean we won’t win. The important thing is don’t ever give up. Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever stop trying to make the world a better place. You have power.” 

Meanwhile, at home, kids of all ages are asking some weighty questions of the adults in their lives. It can be difficult to know how to respond to these concerns at all, let alone in a way that’s appropriate for their age.

We asked our readers what children have been asking them about the election outcome. Then we called on some therapists and other experts to offer guidance on how adults can answer these tough questions and support their families in the process. 

1. "Why did people vote for the mean man who doesn’t want to help people?" — 3-year-old girl 

Young children tend to pick up on far more than many adults may realize — try as we might to protect them from potentially stressful information. 

They “have a knack for getting to the heart of the issues we all struggle with in life. The election is no exception,” developmental psychologist and licensed clinical social worker Jessica Dym Bartlett told HuffPost. 

You may be struggling with the same questions as your child, but you can still find ways to respond to their worries that will provide comfort and help them cope with their emotions, she said. 

“When adults stop what they’re doing to talk with children, show affection and express a genuine interest in what they’re saying and feeling, they reassure children that they are loved and that they and the people they love are safe,” said Bartlett, president and co-founder of Thriving Together in Newton, Massachusetts.

You can also ask your kids what’s worrying them the most right now and respond with age-appropriate information that’s communicated “in a way that emphasizes hope, positivity and agency” rather than “fear and panic,” she added. 

“For example, instead of responding to this child’s question by saying, ‘Yes, isn’t it terrible that there are such mean people in this world?’ or ‘I don’t understand why anyone would vote for a mean person either,’ a parent might say, ‘The people who voted for him believe that he is going to help them, even though he can be mean,’ and ‘Grown-ups will be working hard to stop him from being mean while he’s president and to vote for someone nicer next time.’”

2. "Why do they hate me? And what are we going to do?" — nonbinary 16-year-old  

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Jake Young is the communications and culture director of Brave Trails, an organization dedicated to LGBTQ+ youth leadership. Many families are experiencing a “deep collective grief” in the wake of the election, they said. Those emotions should be validated, not pushed aside. 

“It’s heartbreaking to see our LGBTQ+ youth having to shoulder fears about their future in the face of so much negativity,” Young said. “They shouldn’t have to bear the weight of wondering if they’ll be granted basic human dignity, nor should they need to be constantly strong or brave just to navigate the world.” 

Lee Hatcher is a therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City. They were a 16-year-old trans kid in the South when Trump was elected to his first term. Hatcher recalls thinking at the time: “How am I going to make it through this?” So they understand these fears firsthand. 

Hatcher advises parents to talk to their children about how the new administration could impact their future and “actively listen and engage with how that makes them feel,” they said. 

“Trans youth need tangible emotional support, and by letting them know their voice is heard and valid, you are showing them what you’re going to do: stand by them every step of the way,” Hatcher said. “It doesn’t mean it will be easy; it means that love and community persists.” 

Young also underscored the important role parents and guardians of LGBTQ+ kids play, especially during these uncertain times. 

“The mental health of LGBTQ+ youth functions best when they feel part of a supportive community, have role models who offer hope for a brighter future and know they are fully supported at home,” Young said.

“In this moment, the power of connection and community cannot be overstated. Providing these pillars of support can make a world of difference in helping them feel seen, valued and hopeful.”

3. "How did she not win?" — 11-year-old boy

Leah Orchinik, a pediatric psychologist at Nemours Children’s Hospital in Delaware, said that you can remind kids in age-appropriate, simple terms that “our democratic process is a strength, regardless of the outcome.”

“You can say, ’An important part of our country is that it is a democracy — every citizen gets a vote, and sometimes your candidates win, and sometimes they don’t. Not everyone shares the same opinions about what matters most, and the values that are important to our family might not be the same as what’s most important to other families. But we will respect people who have different beliefs.”

It may also help to explain to your child that the current leaders won’t be in charge of the country forever, Orchinik said. 

“Consider saying, ’Another good thing about our country is that we get to vote for president every four years. We will always have a chance to vote again, and people may make different choices next time,” Orchinik said. “In the meantime, we can find ways to help causes we believe in in our community.”

4. "Will they take me away from my family like they did children at the border?" — 6-year-old boy 

This question is yet another reminder that even young kids aren’t shielded from the traumatic events in the news, “which is why it’s important to allow kids the space to share their thoughts and concerns,” Orchinik said. 

Her first piece of advice? Validate the child’s emotions with something like: “It’s understandable to feel scared about that. Sometimes when kids see or hear things on the news or from other kids, it can be hard not to worry,” Orchinik suggested.

It’s also adults’ job to reassure children — while still being honest — even if they do not have all the answers, Orchinik said. You can do this by focusing on the safe and positive parts of their lives. 

“The specific conversations will differ for every family depending on their situations, but consider saying things like, ‘Let’s think of all the people in your life that you can trust, like parents, grandparents, teachers or coaches. If you are feeling scared, it can help to talk to them about those worries, like we’re doing now, and they can remind you that you are safe and that they will keep you safe,’” Orchinik said.

This article originally appeared on HuffPost.

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