Trump Makes It Official: The ‘Freedom 250’ Concerts Are Canceled — to Be Replaced With ‘the Greatest Rally EVER!,’ Starring Him and (Surprise) Lee Greenwood

Sorry, Vanilla Ice. The “Freedom 250” concerts scheduled for the National Mall in Washington, D.C. have been officially canceled by President Donald J. Trump, after almost all of the artists bailed. The shows will be replaced, as he previously suggested, with a rally featuring one of his own speeches as the principal attraction.

The event Trump is promising will not be altogether without music, however. Trump says that he will be introduced by the MAGA movement’s most reliable musical stalwart, ’80s country hitmaker Lee Greenwood.

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The president does not believe in the concept of “underpromise and overdeliver” when it comes to this rally. He is promising the moon — or the Capitol equivalent thereof — saying the event will be “the Greatest Rally, EVER!” and “a Rally to end all Rallies!”

He once again derided the acts who one by one dropped out of the concert series. In most cases they cited having learned that the shows would not be nonpartisan, as promised, although security concerns were raised as well. Those who bowed out included Morris Day, Bret Michaels, Martina McBride, Young MC, the Commodores and Milli Vanilli. In the end, at last notice, only Vanilla Ice was the only one of the nine still proclaiming he was still proudly determined to go through with his performance.

“We don’t want singers with no talent, but big fees to put you to sleep — we’ve told them all to stay home,” Trump crowed. “All we want is you, me, a few speakers, and the Greatest Music ever played, the same Music you have listened to for years! We will have the fabulous Lee Greenwood introducing me with what has turned out to be one of the Greatest Hits of All Time, ‘GOD BLESS THE U.S.A.'”

Also adding his musical talent to the bill will be Christopher Macchio, whom Trump promises will sing “Nessun Dorma,” “Hallelujah” (presumably the Leonard Cohen song of that name), “Ave Maria” and “God Bless America.” “Not since the legendary Luciano Pavarotti has there been such a voice!” the president raved. Trump added that the rally will also feature “the wonderful U.S. Army Band, ‘Pershing’s Own,’ and Armed Forces Choir, and ‘The President’s Own United States Marine Band, with the Joint Armed Forces Chorus,” playing “all of your favorite Hits.”

Those “hits” the military ensembles will be playing will presumably not include “Ice Ice Baby,” “Girl You Know It’s True,” “Every Rose Has Its Thorn,” “This One’s for the Girls” or “Brick House.”

The president left no mistake about who the headliner would be, ending his statement by saying Greenwood, Macchio and the various armed forces music acts would followed by “a fine and highly dignified gentleman known as President DONALD J. TRUMP!”

The Freedom 250 initiative was founded as a public/private partnership between the Trump administration and various sponsors, with promotional materials leaving the president’s name out and repeatedly using the word “nonpartisan.” But the organization’s Trump-appointed CEO, Keith Krach, has not been heard from since the controversy erupted after the artist lineup was revealed last week, and the president is leaving no doubt who is running the Freedom 250 show, at this point, at least.

Trump founded Freedom 250 apparently as an alternative to America 250, the bipartisan initiative set up by Congress to plan activities for the nation’s 250th birthday.

Four days ago, Trump posted a message saying “cancel it,” in apparent reference to all the Freedom 250 free concerts, although it was not certain at that time whether it was a suggestion that had to be run though the organization or a unilateral edict.