New-look Dems need fluffy friends to avoid ruff road to White House in 2028

Dems enter new terrier-tory

A dog is a man’s best friend? Forget it. Now man is a dog’s best friend.

Our newest Democrat czars need something. Forget rules and rights — they now need Rufus.

I know occasional problems exist. Like me, once exhausted. No sleep. Groggy from a whole night caring for my cranky Yorkie. I’m leaving a restaurant when the maitre d’ whispered: “Look who you walked past.” It was when Brit model and actress Twiggy was superhot. So I walked back, sat down uninvited and gushed to her: “Oh, Twig. you should only know how much I love you.”

Two polite seconds until I rose with: “Excuse my dashing off, but I must get home and grab some sleep. We’ll talk another time.”

The restaurateur called later to ask if I was OK. Why? “Because,” he said, “You were talking to Goldie Hawn.”

Staying power

Of our 45 presidents, 31 had dogs. George Washington — foxhounds. Obama — Portuguese Water Dog. Warren Harding — Airedale named Laddie Boy. Biden — German shepherd who answered to “Commander.” George H.W. Bush’s little fur-legged friend was Millie.

Why dogs? Not necessarily because VIPs were animal lovers. Partly because it made the humans seem more caring, lovable.

What nobody but lucky me had was — a Yorkie. A Yorkshire terrier. However, back aways mine at one time developed a not great social habit. Center of a room filled with VIPs my tiny Jellybean would roll over, lie flat and start to advertise. Once at the feet of Liza Minnelli, my suddenly trashy animal was out there flashing like he was Jack Nicholson. One blond had lovely legs. He took a position on the floor and kept licking her toes. She gave him two “nice doggy” pats. She then absentmindedly reached down to rub my Jellybean’s head. What she reached was not his head. He went looking for a Justice of the Peace.

I wonder what would’ve happened if this had been the White House and Putin the invitee.

So why have a dog? Because you need something in a lonely house. The Yorkies can be loving. Always there. Companions. Playful. Also expensive. But so’s your grocer and husband. They’re actually like being in a marriage. Eager to get out of the house and scratch around a little. EXACTLY like some human husband who’s been left alone.

And hungry — always hungry. Like a husband. Needing attention. Needing care. Needing affection. Needing hair or nails done. Cranky if left alone.

Sitting presidents

So why do presidents, veeps or VIPs have dogs? To soften themselves. Look caring. Cuddly. Tender. Gentle. Humane. Loving. Pet them. Hug them. Can’t with a cougar. And don’t necessarily want to with your longtime wife. Anyway, all laps aren’t that big — so you need a Peke, a Scotty, small bulldog.

Listen, not every Chief of State is so warm and tender. House Speaker Newt Gingrich His Very Own Self burped these immortal words: “I have enormous personal ambition. I want to shift the entire planet. And I’m doing it. I am now a famous person.” Right. And may he grab off a famous dog to sit at his feet when the camera’s on.

Only in American politics, kids, only in American politics.