Best Heckle, WTF moment and Ronaldo red card of the year - The alternative 2025 awards

Gavin Cooney

OUR FINAL COLUMN of the year means it is time to hand out many of the most sought-after awards in sport. Happy Christmas, and thanks for reading. 

The Matt-Damon-locked-down-in-Dalkey award for brief but headline stay in Dublin – Lys Mousset 

Once signed by Sheffield United for £10 million, Lys The Moose Mousset signed for Bohemians at the start of the LOI season. He was instantly given a banging chant to the tune of Psycho Killer by the Talking Heads, and then scored one goal before leaving in July. That goal was a winner against Sligo Rovers, mind, without which Bohs would not have qualified for Europe. A real ‘I was there’ moment. Liberté, Égalité, Mousset. 

The Rory McIlroy award for misguided entries into the creek on Augusta National’s 13th hole – Josele Ballester

The Spanish amateur made his debut at The Masters this year, and far from worrying about satisfying the stringent etiquette of the men in green jackets, Ballester instead decided, when caught short on playing the 13th, the best course of action was to piss in the creek running along the fairway. Asked about it after his round, Ballester magnificently replied, “If I had to do it again, I would do it again.” Fair to say this is the wrong kind of relief to seek around Augusta National.

The Richie Sadlier award for best TV caption of the year – Rory McIlroy

No wonder he missed the first time. 

The Cristiano Ronaldo award for best limelight-hogging of the year – This fella on Racing TV 

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The Tony Award for best theatrical production of 2025 – Cristiano Ronaldo

Seriously, have you ever experienced a more visceral, raucous and utterly hilarious dramatic arc than the three minutes between Cristiano Ronaldo’s cry-more gesture to the Aviva Stadium and his dazed whimpering at Heimir Hallgrimsson following his red card? 

The Davy Fitzgerald award for biggest meedja writing-off of the year – Cathal Murray

The Galway camogie manager rounded on the meedja in the full flush of triumph after this year’s All-Ireland final. 

“We were written off completely”, he thundered. “The Irish Examiner yesterday, any Galway person or player reading that – our player ratings – go back and read it and it is absolutely fucking insulting. I thought it was the biggest insult ever. But that is coming out for the last week, two weeks. We were given no chance.” 

An honourable mention to Kerry’s Jack O’Connor after his side’s stunning quarter-final win over Armagh, who came out with the deathless line, “We were written off t’fuck.” 

The Greyhound Racing in Ireland Award for Baffling Level of State Funding – Greyhound Racing in Ireland

Another €19.8 million went from the State’s coffers to the dogs in 2025. Wales voted to ban greyhound racing this year, by the way. 

The Marina-Stepanova-choosing-hurdles award for best nominative determinism in sport of the year 

David Møller Wolfe signing for Wolves. 

Heckler of the Year – Canada’s U17 goalkeeper 

Jonathan Ransom was in goal for Canada in their World Cup shootout against Ireland this year, and could be heard on mic doing his best to upset each of his opponents, which had the unintended consequence of allowing the Irish players forget about the nerves of the occasion and instead be fuelled solely by spite. The stand-out moment was his roaring ‘WHY’D YOU LEAVE GRADY!? ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHY YOU LEFT GRADY!’ to Ireland’s Canada-born player Grady McDonnell. McDonnell scored, Ireland progressed, and Ransom was left to deal awkwardly with the fact he was born in America and had left the US underage set-up to play for Canada. 

Heckle of the Year – Europe’s Ryder Cup fans

The American fans saw to it that the Ryder Cup became a nadir for sports fans’ humour and creativity, though standing out among the lameness of it all were the European fans who assailed Bryson DeChambeau with the chant, “You’re French, and you know you are.”

The Steve Finnan award for best long punt forward in injury time of the year – Caoimhín Kelleher

The Niall Quinn award for best flick-on of the year – Liam Scales 

The Robbie Keane award for best finish of the year – Troy Parrott 

The Troy Parrott Award for the best moment of the year and potentially of all of our lives – Troy Parrott

Here’s RTÉ’s slow-mo version of the celebrations to watch again and again and again.

Prediction of the Year – Gavin Cooney, The42.ie 

‘This was the debacle to end them all, as Ireland fell to a hideous 2-1 defeat in Yerevan to extinguish any hopes of contending even for a World Cup play-off. We say hopes: these were always delusions.’ – 9 September, 2025 

Administrator of the Year – Don Rea, PGA of America 

The PGA of America runs the PGA Championship and the Ryder Cup, which offered a grand stage this year to their president, Don Rea. Having described the PGA’s 30,000 club pros as “the first responders of golf” in May, he was fittingly unable to quench any of the Ryder Cup’s fires. Asked by BBC NI about the abuse of Rory McIlroy, he said “you can go to a youth soccer game and get some people who say the wrong thing” – do his kids play their Saturday morning games away to Galatasaray? – and was then filmed singing Lose Yourself on karaoke while the controversy raged. He topped it off by then grudgingly claiming in his prize-giving speech that Europe had retained the Cup, rather than won it. 

Not that Don is perturbed by the criticism: he took to LinkedIn after the Ryder Cup to say he isn’t bothered by the flak, quoting a sermon he delivered at his church a few years earlier. “When I wrote this sermon three years ago I meant it and today I am living it. The truth is still the truth. New level. New devil.”

WTF moment of the Year – Fifa invent a Peace Prize to give to Donald Trump

Seriously, they asked for this. Really. 

Quote of the Year – Donald Trump during said acceptance speech

“Pele, I assume one of the greats?”