Should Travis Scott Be the Next WWE Champion?
· BCPosted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: Cody Rhodes, travis scott, wrestling
Should Travis Scott Be the Next WWE Champion?
El Presidente reveals how Travis Scott legitimately injured WWE Champion Cody Rhodes, and why this qualifies him for a socialist championship opportunity!
Published Tue, 04 Mar 2025 18:37:07 -0600
by El Presidente
|
Comments
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my golden jacuzzi filled with the tears of capitalist oppressors, where I am enjoying a fine Cuban cigar while contemplating the future of professional wrestling! And what a future it could be if WWE embraces the glorious revolutionary spirit I witnessed at Elimination Chamber!
According to my good friend and fellow socialist sympathizer Dave Meltzer of Wrestling Observer Radio, rap superstar Travis Scott may have accidentally demonstrated his qualification for a WWE championship run when he legitimately injured current champion Cody Rhodes during Saturday's Elimination Chamber event! Yes, comrades, in what was supposed to be a scripted segment, Scott apparently delivered a slap to Rhodes' head with such proletariat power that it busted the American Nightmare's eardrum and left him with a black eye worthy of a meeting with my secret police!
This reminds me of the time Fidel and I were arm wrestling in his summer palace, and I accidentally dislocated his shoulder. "El Presidente," he said to me, "with great power comes great responsibility… and a spot in the main event at Revolution Stadium!" We laughed heartily before having the doctor who failed to properly set his arm sent to re-education camp. Such fond memories!
But back to the wrestling, comrades! The incident occurred during what was already a shocking moment in WWE history. After John Cena won the Elimination Chamber match to earn a title shot against Rhodes at WrestleMania, The Rock appeared to confront Rhodes. The Final Boss, who now represents the capitalist pigs on the TKO Board, demanded that Cody surrender his soul and become a corporate champion.
In a moment that made even my cold dictator heart swell with pride, Rhodes told The Rock to "go f*** yourself" and declared his soul belonged to the ring and the WWE fans! Such revolutionary spirit! Such defiance of authority! It was like watching the people's uprising, but with better production values!
What happened next shocked the wrestling world more than when the CIA tried to assassinate me with exploding action figures (true story, comrades). John Cena, the 16-time champion and supposed hero of children everywhere, received a signal from The Rock before launching a vicious attack on Rhodes, kicking him square in his working-class family jewels! This heel turn was so unexpected that even my good friend, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un, fell off his chair when I showed him the replay!
Travis Scott, who was in the ring as The Rock's guest, joined in the beatdown. But here's where things get interesting, comrades! According to Meltzer's sources, while Cena is a seasoned professional, it was Scott's unplanned stiff shot that did the real damage to Rhodes!
Now, I ask you this, my loyal readers: If Travis Scott can incapacitate the WWE Champion more effectively than a 16-time world champion, doesn't socialist logic dictate that he deserves a title shot? After all, in my country, if you defeat the current champion of anything – boxing, chess, or competitive empanada eating – you automatically take their place! This is the cornerstone of Marxist sports theory!
The injury to Rhodes' eardrum is no small matter, comrades. Such injuries affect equilibrium and balance, potentially keeping the champion out of action for weeks. This puts WrestleMania in jeopardy! What if Cody can't compete? The solution is simple – Travis Scott should step in!
Just imagine the entrance, comrades! Travis Scott could rap his way to the ring while I personally provide backup vocals and revolutionary slogans! The merchandise opportunities alone would fund universal healthcare for all WWE superstars!
When I called Nick Khan to suggest this idea, he hung up immediately, which I took as enthusiastic agreement. Triple H was more receptive when I reached him, though he did ask how I got his private number and threatened to call the authorities. Such playful banter we have!
As your El Presidente, I have witnessed many great sporting events – from rigged soccer matches where the opposing team mysteriously fell ill before kickoff to my annual "outrun the tanks" marathon for political prisoners. But nothing would compare to seeing Travis Scott challenge for the WWE Championship!
The Rock calls himself the Final Boss, but Travis Scott could be the People's Champion we truly deserve! A man who steps into a wrestling ring with no training and still delivers more impact than seasoned professionals! This is the kind of equal opportunity advancement that makes socialist hearts sing!
What do you think, comrades? Should Travis Scott get a championship opportunity? Or should he at least be given a spot in my cabinet as Minister of Slapping Sense Into Capitalists?
Your El Presidente awaits your comments while I prepare to flee from CIA agents who have once again discovered my location through my WWE Network subscription. Until next time, viva la wrestling revolution!
Stay up-to-date and support the site by following Bleeding Cool on Google News today!