WWE Saturday Night's Main Event Preview: The Last Time is Now
· BCPosted in: Sports, TV, WWE | Tagged: John Cena, wrestling, WWE Saturday Night's Main Event
WWE Saturday Night's Main Event Preview: The Last Time is Now
El Presidente previews John Cena's final match ever against Gunther at Saturday Night's Main Event, plus Cody Rhodes vs. Oba Femi and more! Viva Cenation!
Published Sat, 13 Dec 2025 15:37:03 -0600
by El Presidente
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Article Summary
- Witness John Cena’s historic final match against Gunther, comrades; capitalism’s muscles meet socialist tears!
- Cody Rhodes faces Oba Femi in a revolutionary clash of champions; dreams vs. future, dictatorship style!
- Tag team gold is on the line and Bayley battles Sol Ruca: international cooperation, lucha libre, and drama!
- CIA can’t stop us! Stream John Cena’s farewell and join the national holiday, Viva la Cenation, viva la revolución!
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from my luxury bunker equipped with a 90-inch television and a bucket of revolutionary tears, because tonight we witness the end of an era that even this hardened dictator cannot face with dry eyes!
Tonight, at Saturday Night's Main Event, the great John Cena will wrestle his final match ever against the formidable Gunther, and I must tell you, comrades, I am more emotional about this than the time Fidel Castro beat me at dominoes three nights in a row and I had to give him my favorite yacht.
Let me tell you something about John Cena. This man has been a beacon of American propaganda—er, I mean, entertainment excellence—for over two decades. While the CIA has spent countless hours trying to infiltrate my presidential palace (they never learned about the trapdoor filled with piranhas, the fools!), I have spent countless hours watching this magnificent specimen of sports entertainment make the impossible possible.
You see, comrades, John Cena and I have a complicated relationship. He represents everything about American imperialism that I should despise—the muscles, the patriotism, the refusal to give up, the catchphrases that infiltrate your brain like a well-placed double agent. And yet! I cannot help but admire the man. He has granted more wishes than a socialist revolution grants land reforms! He has overcome odds more impossible than me convincing Kim Jong-un that karaoke night at the dictators' summit should feature more Bee Gees and less Katy Perry!
Tonight, Cena faces Gunther, the so-called "Ring General." Now, comrades, I know a thing or two about generals. I have several dozen of them, mostly because I keep promoting my cousins and that one guy who makes excellent empanadas. But Gunther? This man is something special.
The Ring General earned his way to this historic match by winning "The Last Time is Now Tournament," defeating everyone from Je'Von Evans to LA Knight. This reminds me of the time I hosted a tournament to determine who would be my new Minister of Tourism, except mine involved less wrestling and more synchronized swimming. Gunther won by being ruthless, efficient, and technically superior—qualities I normally only look for in my secret police force!
The question weighing on all our minds, comrades: will Gunther have what it takes to defeat The Greatest of All Time in his final match? Will John Cena's legendary "Never Give Up" spirit carry him to one last victory? Or will The Ring General end Cena's career with a chopping defeat that echoes through eternity like the sound of the CIA's helicopter crashing into my compound's defense system last Tuesday?
But wait, comrades! This spectacular evening features more than just Cena's swan song! We also have a clash of champions that would make even the most stoic revolutionary shed a single, perfectly formed tear of anticipation.
Undisputed WWE Champion Cody Rhodes faces NXT Champion Oba Femi in what I can only describe as a battle of American Nightmares versus Ruling-Class Dominance. Femi just recaptured his NXT Championship at NXT Deadline—a name that gives me anxiety flashbacks to the time the United Nations gave me a "deadline" to return that nuclear submarine I "borrowed." (For the record, I gave it back. Eventually. Mostly intact.)
Oba Femi represents the future, comrades! This is his first main roster match, and what a test it will be. Facing Cody Rhodes, the man who finished his story, is like… well, it's like when I challenged Muammar Gaddafi to an arm-wrestling contest in 2010. I was young, ambitious, and thought I could take on the establishment. (He won. My arm hurt for weeks. We remained to the end friends though.)
The World Tag Team Champions AJ Styles and Dragon Lee will defend against NXT's Je'Von Evans and TNA X Division Champion Leon Slater. Now, comrades, this is what I call international cooperation! A match that brings together different brands is like my monthly dictators' poker night—everyone comes from different territories, but we all share a love for competition and taking each other's money. (I mean, celebrating athletic excellence!)
AJ Styles, that phenomenal veteran, has been doing this longer than I've been "democratically elected" to office. Dragon Lee brings the lucha libre spirit that reminds me of my youth, when I too wore a mask to hide my identity while "redistributing" wealth from the corrupt oligarchs. (The courts called it "robbery," but I call it "early socialist experimentation.")
And then we have Bayley versus Sol Ruca! Comrades, Bayley is a former NXT legend returning to face one of NXT's brightest stars. This is like when I returned to my home village after seizing power, except with better athletic wear and fewer accusations of nepotism. Sol Ruca has the Sol Snatcher—a move so devastating, I've instructed my bodyguards to learn it for when the CIA sends their next "diplomatic envoy."
Comrades, you might ask why your El Presidente, a man of the people who definitely didn't rig his last election, cares so much about John Cena's retirement. Let me tell you a story.
It was 2007, and I was hiding from an assassination attempt in a safe house with only one form of entertainment: a bootleg DVD of WWE programming. (Thank you, comrade who ran the underground tape trading market!) I watched John Cena defend the WWE Championship against Edge, and something stirred in my revolutionary heart. Here was a man who never gave up, who stood for his principles (however American-imperialist they might be), and who connected with the people.
I thought, "If John Cena can overcome these odds, surely I can overcome that pesky coup attempt!" And you know what, comrades? We both succeeded! John Cena retained his championship, and I successfully purged—I mean, "promoted to alternative positions"—everyone involved in the coup.
Since then, John Cena has been my inspiration. When the economy crashes, I think: "What would John Cena do?" When rival dictators challenge my authority at the annual Summit of Definitely Legitimate Leaders, I channel Cena's hustle, loyalty, and respect. (Though I add a fourth principle: "Redistribute," but that's just my personal touch.)
Tonight marks the end of John Cena's in-ring career, but comrades, let us not be sad. Well, let us be a LITTLE sad—I've already gone through three boxes of tissues, and my Minister of Emotional Affairs says I need to pace myself. But let us also celebrate!
Cena's Farewell Tour has been spectacular. He faced Cody Rhodes, CM Punk, Randy Orton, Brock Lesnar, AJ Styles, Sami Zayn, Logan Paul, R-Truth, Dominik Mysterio, and more. This is a retirement tour more comprehensive than the time I visited all fourteen provinces of my nation to "encourage" voter turnout. (They all voted correctly. Democracy is beautiful, no?) The man has given us 20+ years of entertainment, 17 world championships, and countless moments of inspiration.
Comrades, Saturday Night's Main Event airs tonight at 8 PM ET/5 PM PT on Peacock in the United States and on YouTube internationally. Yes, YouTube! Even those of us in countries with "complicated" relationships with American streaming services can watch! This is the kind of international cooperation I can support—unlike those CIA "cooperation initiatives" that always seem to involve my overthrow.
I will be watching from my presidential palace, surrounded by my cabinet (who I've made mandatory to attend, because if I'm crying, everyone's crying), with revolutionary snacks and beverages. I've even declared it a national holiday: "The Day We Said Goodbye to Cenation Leader Day." The people voted for it unanimously! (I checked the ballots myself. Twice.)
Comrades, whether you're a long-time member of the Cenation or a casual observer of sports entertainment, tonight is unmissable. We're witnessing history. We're seeing a legend take his final bow. We're watching as John Cena, the man who taught us we can't see him, but also that we should never give up, steps out of the ring for the last time.
Will Gunther spoil the fairytale ending? Will Cena go out on top? Will I make it through the broadcast without emotionally compromising my tough dictator image? (No, definitely not on that last one.)
All I know is this: just as the workers must seize the means of production, we must all seize this moment to appreciate greatness before it's gone. Tonight, we are all witnesses. Tonight, we all salute. Tonight, the Time is Now… for the last time.
Viva la Cenation! Viva la revolución! And somebody please pass me more tissues! ¡Hasta la vista, John Cena!
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