What Happens When You Can’t ‘See’ Your Sexual Fantasies?

How Does Aphantasia Impact Sexual Fantasy?

Zachary Zane has built a successful career writing about sex—often in excruciatingly, deliciously explicit detail. His writing is filled with descriptions of bodies, bedrooms, hookups, sensations, and all the tiny details that make a sexual encounter feel vividly real. The only thing is: Zane can’t actually picture any of it in his head.

Zane, the author of Boyslut: A Memoir and Manifesto, has aphantasia, a neurological variation in which a person is unable to voluntarily create mental images. “I only see black when I attempt to visualize something,” Zane tells Cosmopolitan.

Aphantasia is estimated to affect somewhere between 2 and 4 percent of the population. But even the very few who share this characteristic don’t necessarily share the exact same experiences.

Some people can imagine sounds or touch despite having no visual imagery, while others have “multisensory” aphantasia, which means that those imagined sensations may also be unavailable, Sassy Smith, founder of Aphantasia Academy explains. So when desire comes into play, they might not have mental images that the majority of the population experience, but they still feel anticipation, interest in a person, a thought about what they want to happen, or a physical feeling of arousal.

For most of us, when we think back to a particularly hot time, we can recall the way our bodies looked and an image of a partner (if your eyes weren’t closed the entire time). For those with aphantasia, a pleasurable memory doesn’t need a visual replay.

“Someone might remember what happened or what was said and experience affection, excitement or desire in the present,” Smith says. “Others may remember the encounter without much accompanying feeling. Without visuals it is still possible to think about a person and a particular moment and be aroused by it in the present.”

This is true for Zane, who remembers how he feels after sex. “I remember the joy and pleasure, but I don't ‘see’ it the way people without aphantasia do.”

Smith explains that there’s a useful distinction between knowing an encounter was pleasurable, feeling something in the moment when you remember it, and experiencing the original event as though you’re mentally back there.

“Those experiences don’t always travel together.” But that doesn’t mean the recalling of sex can’t be “vivid” for people with aphantasia.

It may be a hard concept for someone without aphantasia to grasp, but those who can’t see mental images can still have compelling, detailed, and emotional “daydreams” about sex. Someone with aphantasia can still develop an elaborate scenario, know who is involved, imagine how events unfold, and find the idea exciting without seeing any of it. This could take form as an internal narrative, words, or a wordless understanding of the scenario.

“The distinction is between the content of a fantasy and how that content is experienced,” Smith says. “An imagined situation can have complexity and personal meaning without appearing as a picture.”

But that doesn’t mean everyone with aphantasia has elaborate fantasies. Some people describe little fantasy—but don’t feel as though it’s super important to their sexual experience, anyway.

Aphantasia and Masturbation

For me personally, visual imagery plays a huge part in my masturbation routine. I might think about a favorite past sexual encounter or invent an entirely new scenario in my head. Sometimes, I’ll just replay a scene from Heated Rivalry.

Those with aphantasia might have to rely on wordless thoughts, written erotica, audio, or visual material—AKA porn.

“It can be really hard to masturbate without porn, as I can't see anything in my head,” Zane says. “Not impossible, but definitely more challenging, so I am a huge fan of porn and use it to get in the mood when having solo play.”

But Smith says that masturbation doesn’t necessarily require a mental picture. Plus, even people who can visualize often will use external stimuli as well as mental imagery.

She explains that language and meaning are a turn on for some people, while others (like Zane) prefer something they can watch. There are also people who might have zero interest in either and just prefer to lose themselves in the external sensations of touch or taste or smell.

“I wish more people understood that image-free thinking doesn’t mean a lack of imagination,” she says. Pictures are just one small part of the whole experience of sex.

“That distinction matters when we talk about sex because assumptions about someone’s inner pictures can quickly become assumptions about their attraction, imagination, or capacity for pleasure.”

Smith explains that for her and others with aphantasia, recognizing the difference in how people experience pleasure and sexual recall helps provide better language for everyone. It also bridges the gap in understanding how just because the inside of someone’s mind looks different from yours, doesn’t mean there’s a disconnect in pleasure.

“Someone can want you, think about you, and enjoy being with you without being able to conjure your image,” she says. Pleasure doesn’t require a picture in your head. Sometimes, it just looks different.