Mindset coach who works with CEOs shares tips to combating self doubt

According to a mindset coach who works with top executives and CEOS, even the most confident people deal with self doubt.

It can stop you from asking for that well-deserved promotion, stunt your progress at work and even get in the way of personal relationships.

Renee Houstra has spent decades helping founders of six- and seven-figure businesses overcome their limiting beliefs and thinking patterns, and has seen first hand just how paralyzing it can be.

Thankfully, she shared the important tips that she gives her clients to quiet their inner critic... so you too can squash your insecurities once and for all.

'I've known even really successful entrepreneurs battle with that nagging voice inside their head - the one that tells them they're not good enough,' she explained during a recent chat with the Daily Mail. 

'Self-doubt can be paralyzing. It can make you stop before you've even begun. And, for many high-achieving entrepreneurs, executives and creatives, this battle with their inner critic is constant - it never goes away.

'For many, that can be the single biggest obstacle on the path to thriving.'

Here's how to get rid of that negative voice inside your head so you can embrace your full potential, according to the expert.

Rather than trying to silence negative thoughts, pair each bad notion with a positive one 

Houstra explained that most people try to silence negative thoughts as soon as they come up, which is often unsuccessful.

Instead, she recommended pairing every negative thought you have with a positive one. 

For example, if you think you're stupid, come up with an example of a time you did something smart. Or combat that thought with a quality that you like about yourself. 

'I don't advise that you try to silence this voice through force, but instead try to outsmart it with compassion and strategy,' she explained.

'You have to be willing to see things differently. Take an empowered stance when it comes to changing your mind.

'Think of it like trying new foods as a child - you have to try them many times before you even start to develop the taste for them.

'But if you're constantly telling yourself, "Never eat that again," then you'll never be able to change that habit. You have to want to make the change.'

Drown out what others have told you and focus only on what you know to be true

Houstra also stressed the importance of differentiating between what you know to be true and what you believe because someone told you it's true.

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She explained that it's important to drown out what others have said and focus only on what you know is factual. 

She added that you have to beware of 'hyper-independent, scarcity-driven or negative beliefs' - and don't feel guilty or hold yourself back because of anyone else.

'[Often], we're the first ones to sacrifice for someone else in the name of "being fair,"' she explained.

'But fair means equal. It means inclusivity. It means you are part of that equation just as much as anyone else is.

'And until you can see yourself as someone who belongs and deserves just like the other people in your life, your inner critic is going to keep rearing its ugly head.' 

Don't look at your inner critic as 'an enemy,' and remember it comes from trying to protect yourself 

Houstra said it's important not to look at your inner critic as 'purely an enemy' because it's 'actually trying to keep you safe' just in a 'misguided way.' 

'That voice often comes from fear - and that can be fear of anything from failure and rejection to vulnerability,' she said. 

'What it's really trying to do is shield you from feeling these uncomfortable emotions that we associate with negative experiences - even if it ends up holding you back. 

'When you start to see your inner critic as more of a nervous guardian than a tyrant, it really does become easier to listen without being overwhelmed. And it allows you to separate yourself from your thoughts.'

One tip that she often gives her clients is to 'give their inner critic a name.'

'Think of the ugliest, meanest name you can - like Regina George from Mean Girls - and give that inner mean girl/person a name so you have a way to separate them from yourself,' she recommended.

'Then you can tell Regina to take a hike (or choose your own words!) because you're busy being confident.'

Affirmations are great, but only if they're realistic and you actually believe you can accomplish them 

While Houstra said she's a fan of 'affirmations,' she explained that 'unless you actually believe what you're saying and telling yourself, you're not going to take them seriously - which makes them useless.'

'I always advise my clients to start by acknowledging the things they actually want in life - the things that can really be yours if you allow yourself to have them,' she said. 

Look at confidence as an emotion rather than a quality, and expect it to come and go

According to the expert, you should look at confidence as an emotion rather than a quality.

And don't expect to feel confident all the time as she explained that it's normal for it to come and go just like happiness and anger does.

'You're never 100 percent happy or 100 percent angry, just like confidence is never zero or 100 percent either,' she dished.

'With this understanding, you can work on flipping from a non-confident inner critic to confidence and happiness.

'If you're able to develop emotional awareness it can be really helpful for you to notice these feelings without judgment, and they will hold less power over you.' 

When your critical voice starts to take over, she recommended you try to understand the other emotions that lead to inner critic emerging.

'Is it fear, embarrassment, disappointment? Acknowledging this can allow you to respond with intention instead of reacting while on autopilot,' she added. 

'This in turn can help to shift from being controlled by self-doubt to leading with clarity.'

Try to treat failure or a setback as a chance to learn and improve

While Houstra noted that self-doubt 'thrives on setbacks,' it's important to try to look at a failure as 'feedback' or 'data to learn from and improve.'

'Failing isn't proof you're not enough - it's feedback, data to learn from and improve,' she said.

'Cultivate self-compassion, [not] as a way of excusing yourself or ignoring areas for growth; but instead to focus on treating yourself with the kindness you'd offer a close friend who is going through a tough time.

'Creating this kind internal ally lays a strong foundation to help you navigate setbacks in life rather than feeling overwhelmed by them and allowing them to hold you back.'

She reminded readers that every successful person has faced failure or rejection, but what sets them apart is they use those moments as lessons, 'not judgements on their worth.' 

'When you catch yourself thinking, "I'm a failure," try reframing it with, "What can I learn?" or, "How can I grow?"' she suggested.

'This shifts failure from shame to opportunity, weakening your inner critic's grip. 

'By combining self-compassion with emotional awareness and practical tools, it will allow you to move from reacting to your inner critic to mastering it.'