What is it like to be loved by you?, Jacob Iroko

by · The Eagle Online

The other day, I was in the middle of a heated conversation with my wife. You know those moments when you’re so caught up in trying to get your point across that you almost forget to actually hear the other person? That was me.

But in the middle of my own frustration, a thought cut through: “What does it feel like to be on the receiving end of me right now? What does it feel like to be loved by me at this moment?”

It stopped me cold. Because the truth is—we spend a lot of time evaluating whether we’re being loved right, respected right, treated right. But how often do we pause and turn that mirror inward?

The question: “What is it like to be loved by you?” is uncomfortable, but it’s also transformational. It forces us to step outside our own perspective and consider the impact of our words, actions, and presence on the people we claim to love.

And here’s where it gets deeper: The way we love others is often a reflection of the way we love ourselves.

This isn’t just a curiosity—it’s a mirror we turn toward ourselves. It demands honesty and deep self-reflection. The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life. If you love yourself with patience, kindness, and compassion, that’s the same energy you’ll extend outward. we’ll explore the importance of self-reflection in relationships, self-love and provide practical tips for growth.

1. Self-Love Is the Foundation of Healthy Relationships

The Bible says: “Love your neighbor as yourself”(Mark 12:31). That command assumes you love yourself in a healthy way. You can’t give what you don’t have.

When you practice self-love, you:

•      Set healthy boundaries.

•      Know your worth and value.

•      Become emotionally balanced.

•      Are less reactive and more responsive.

•      Stop demanding that others “fix” what only you can heal.

Self-love isn’t pride or selfishness—it’s treating yourself with the same care and compassion God has already shown you.

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2. Turning the Mirror Inward: Key Reflection Questions

Ask yourself:

•      Am I kind to myself when I make mistakes?

•      Do I speak life-giving words to myself or engage in negative self-talk?

•      How do I respond to my own needs; do I ignore or attend to them?

•      Would I want to be in a relationship with someone who treats me the way I treat myself?

These questions reveal more about our maturity and emotional health than we realise.

3. How Loving Yourself Improves the Way You Love Others

a)    Self-compassion makes you more compassionate. Grace toward yourself makes room for grace toward others.

b)    Self-respect sets the standard. How you value yourself sets the bar for how others value you.

c)    Emotional availability increases. When you’re not chasing validation, you’re free to truly see and serve others.

d)    You become a model of wholeness. Healthy self-love inspires and invites others to pursue the same.

4. Dangers of Not Loving Yourself

•      You become needy or clingy in relationships.

•      You may self-sabotage or push people away.

•      You accept less than you deserve.

•      You might overextend yourself in trying to “earn” love.

•      You become emotionally exhausted or resentful.

In short, unloved people can hardly love well.

5. Biblical Encouragement for Self-Love

Scripture reminds us that godly self-love is not ego—it’s wisdom.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)

“To acquire wisdom is to love oneself.” (Proverbs 19:8)

“No one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for it…” (Ephesians 5:29)

These verses highlight a kind of self-love rooted in godly wisdom, not ego. A love that sees yourself the way God sees you.

6. Practical Ways to Love Yourself Well

•      Speak kindly to yourself – Replace self-criticism with encouraging truths.

•      Rest and recharge – You are not a machine. Take care of your mental, physical, and spiritual health.

•      Set boundaries – Learn to say no without guilt.

•      Forgive yourself – Learn from your mistakes without chaining yourself to them.

•      Celebrate your progress – You are not who you used to be, and that’s worth honouring.

7. The Benefits of Self-Love

By cultivating self-love and practicing self-care, we can experience numerous benefits, including:

•      Increased self-esteem: We develop a more positive and confident self-image.

•      Improved mental health: We reduce stress, anxiety, and depression by treating ourselves with kindness and compassion.

•      Healthier relationships: We learn to set healthy boundaries and communicate our needs more effectively in our relationships with others.

•      You Attract Healthier Relationships: Like attracts like. When you love yourself: 

-You no longer settle for toxic dynamics. 

-You attract people who respect and value you. 

-Your relationships become partnerships rather than rescue missions.

Next  time you catch yourself in a heated moment—whether with your spouse, a friend, or even yourself—pause and ask: “What does it feel like to be loved by me right now?”

If the answer makes you uncomfortable, don’t shame yourself. Instead, let it guide you toward growth. The greatest gift you can give the people around you is a well-loved, whole version of yourself.

Your Favourite Relationship Coach JI.

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