We Asked A Real-Life Personal Trainer: What's The Best Workout Regimen To Survive A Slasher Movie?
by Kieran Fisher · /FilmHow many times have you watched a slasher movie and wondered what you'd do to survive? It's easier said than done, mind you, as the horror villains at the heart of these flicks tend to be strong, quick (even when all they do is walk), sneaky, and practically indestructible. Fortunately, there are some simple and effective training methods we can add to our workout regimens to prepare for our own potential slasher movie scenarios.
/Film tapped Andrew McKeown for some advice on how to handle Michael Myers and the ghoulish gang. As the current Physical Performance Lead for the San Diego Wave soccer team, McKeown knows all about strength and conditioning — both of which are essential for surviving a slasher flick. Andrew also broke down which superhero's powers provide the best workout for us before, proving that he understands the intersection between pop culture and fitness.
Now, let's get one thing straight: No specific exercise makes it easier to stave off knife attacks or survive being thrown out of a window. Adrenaline can also only keep pain at bay for so long, so try not to get injured. But these exercises will equip you with the essential skills you need for making it past the end credits — and you might become fitter and more ripped in the process.
Cardio is key to surviving a slasher encounter
Horror movies have conditioned us to believe that murder-obsessed slasher villains like Michael Myers will always catch up with their prey. While that might be true, the fact is that you'll have to run if you're going to survive. The good news, though, is that there are effective ways to increase your speed and explosiveness to give yourself a better chance at survival. Here's what Andrew had to say on the matter:
"I do repeat speed training. Sprint for a distance, take a certain rest period, sprint again, then shorten the rest period. So you focus on that repeat speed as opposed to just raw max sprint output. Keep doing that and then potentially have curved linear versions of that as well — running around the streets and in between buildings, etc."
It's recommended that you do sprint training at least three to four times per week to ensure you're in peak physical condition when Freddy Krueger comes for you. Still, if you want to add more speed and explosiveness to your arsenal, incorporate some barbell hip thrusts, box jumps, and other combinations that blend strength training with ballistic or plyometric movements. Here's a good example:
"I'll implement a really heavy barbell hip thrust and then go into a band-resisted broad jump, and then strip the band away and go into just a fully unrestricted broad jump [...] Just think about moving heavy weight as quickly as you can, and then moving your own body weight as quickly or as high as you can."
That's great and all, but what happens if Freddy gets close enough to come at you with his claws? You're going to have to block his attacks, and that will require some strength.
How to overpower a slasher villain
Throwing some boxing, MMA, or other combat sport training into your regimen is a sure-fire way to stand a better chance against a baddie who wants to hurt you. However, fighting takes years to perfect, and Michael Myers doesn't play by the rules. Still, standing a chance against a slasher villain — whether you're an athlete like Tyson Fury or a regular person — requires full-body strength and explosiveness that you can build up with squatting, bench presses, and deadlifts.
Of course, slasher movie environments are more unpredictable than gyms. You might find yourself being chased by Leatherface on a farm, or hiding on the roof of a house to avoid Michael Myers. It's best to be prepared for all potential scenarios, and certain situations require putting specific body parts to work. As Andrew explained:
"I would do a lot of single leg and single arm stuff just because you might be on an unstable surface. You've got a creepy serial killer trying to kill you, so you're going to obviously need to push off of one leg and off of two legs, and use one arm and two arms. Things like your barbell bench press, single arm dumbbell bench press, overhead pressing with a barbell, overhead pressing with a dumbbell — double arm or single. Landmine pressing is a good exercise as well."
Sledgehammer training is another effective way of building strength, core, and rotational explosiveness. It involves swinging a heavy, weighted instrument around, which has multiple benefits for working multiple body parts. Plus, sledgehammers — and other likeminded instruments — would hurt slasher villains if you hit them across the head with one.
Squatting might save your life from a slasher
It's always tempting to skip leg day, but what if it's the difference between life and death? Surviving a slasher movie will require you to squeeze into some pretty tight spaces while hiding from Michael Myers and his stab-happy peers. The more flexible you are, the better chance you'll have of surviving — and that's where squatting and stretching comes in.
"I would stretch hips, stretch your calves, try and improve your ankle mobility to get in a real deep squat position. Hamstring stretching is worthwhile — you could do hamstring sweeps, standing hamstring stretches, lying hamstring stretches."
Perfecting these exercises will ultimately help you improve your squatting ability, but it doesn't stop there. If you're in a slasher flick, you might have to hide in an enclosed space for a while, so your muscles need to be flexible and endurable. After squatting as low and deep as you can, stay in that position for as long as possible before returning to a neutral position.
The same principle applies to the aforementioned stretching movements, which you can also do from the comfort of your own home without using any equipment. Preparing to survive a slasher movie doesn't have to require a gym membership, but you could gain a lot more strength if you have access to barbells, kettlebells, and assisted machines for squatting.
Getting a workout buddy can save your life
Being a physical machine can only get you so far. If great horror movies have taught us anything, it's that spooky types are masters of lingering in the shadows, quietly waiting for their chance to pounce. For the most part, that results in their prey meeting their grisly fates. Still, finding a gym buddy to help you out with reflex-based exercises is the perfect way to boost your cognitive functioning and be more alert for a surprise attack.
The most obvious exercise is combat sport training, which requires participants to avoid being punched and kicked. However, basic agility agility workouts can be just as effective — and that can be as common as a game of tag. Andrew incorporates tag variations into his own programming for the San Diego Wave, as they are a versatile way of improving fitness and sharpness:
"You can incorporate that with short sprints or changing directions [...] Sometimes it can be linear, sometimes it can be curved, sometimes it can be diagonal. But, basically, you just strip it down into tag games where you're having to react and evade."
If you can throw some ducking and diving into a training environment, your sharpness will most likely improve. So find a friend who also wants to survive a slasher movie, run around trying to tag each other, and you'll have a better chance of making it out alive!