58 Things People Posted On The Internet This Month That Are Funnier Than They Should Be
by Ajani Bazile-Dutes · BuzzFeedSeptember's come to an end, so, of course, it's time to look at the funniest tweets of the month!
And follow the accounts that made you laugh, so your Twitter timeline will be even better!
1.
"fatherless behavior" actually i have a dad, i’m just a terrible woman
— jynx (@jynxbby) September 26, 2024
2.
3 kids at 25??? I can barely get up in the morning
— bluffer jo🦂 (@__itskeeks_) September 27, 2024
3.
it’s like trying to communicate with a kindergartner pic.twitter.com/ODFm8unkyE
— ✿ (@katehasinsomnia) September 18, 2024
4.
this got me crying😭😭 pic.twitter.com/7shY5d8J0f
— kira 👾 (@kirawontmiss) September 20, 2024
PBS / Twitter: @kirawontmiss
5.
two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg we should totally start a pamphlet”
— chase (@_chase_____) September 21, 2024
6.
doordash prices so high it make u wanna dig in yo a$$ and eat what u had last night🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
— lilcash (@lilcasshh) September 22, 2024
7.
hey it was nice to meet you but i don't want a second date. you didn't bring out the glowing ball of golden light in my chest like i'd hoped. wish you the best though
— sylph (@sylphidian) September 22, 2024
8.
pic.twitter.com/JMDNoDwU6h
— . (@BrendanDaGawd) September 22, 2024
9.
i looked super pretty last night. no pictures tho ur just gonna have to take my word for it
— ɳყαɦ! (@JINKIESBTCH) September 22, 2024
10.
Dishes have to be my least favorite chore fuck this pic.twitter.com/Qb4S2Cqcio
— annabelle :3 (@oomfabelle) September 23, 2024
11.
whoever made it so toilet paper turns red when you're done needs a raise
— Alison (@TradWife2049) September 24, 2024
12.
I just lost my hallucinationship
— dj binaural insomnia (@fakednever) September 26, 2024
13.
having someone over to your apartment is so intimate. it’s like welcome! so this is all my stuff
— chase (@_chase_____) September 20, 2024
14.
Her: Talk to me while you in it 🤗
Me: I really appreciate u for letting me do this
— Kancho (@HumpedMyJeweler) September 25, 2024
15.
As an avid job quitter, I’m telling yall right now: this is NOT a quitting economy.
— 🛒 (@YouLoveAllie) September 25, 2024
16.
sitting next to you on an empty train and clicking my stopwatch every time you turn a page in your book
— Michael Kandel (@K_A_N_D_E_L) September 25, 2024
17.
Just witnessed my boss applying for jobs on linkedin. Im cooked
— PK. (@____mpagi) September 24, 2024
18.
opening twitter in public is like playing russian roulette
— ⛧ (@wydbanx) September 25, 2024
19.
my five year plan is to get back my joy
— 𖧧 (@mothintoflames) September 24, 2024
20.
My bf just had me “stay alive” in his game while he went to the bathroom and I died immediately
— 𝕲𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝕲𝖎𝖗𝖑 (@g0regirlll) September 25, 2024
21.
sitting eating at a picnic table in a park that shares a fence with the middle school yard and this lady comes out says “shouldn’t you be in class?” and i’m confused and just freeze and she goes “come on. to the office”
and i just go “…. i’m 20…” and she went RED😭😭😭
— juliette⋆₊⋆☁︎ (@jaisydaisy_) September 24, 2024
22.
remembering when my college friend made Angelina Juulie pic.twitter.com/GVkbcJwGdG
— maxie (colonizer) 🥩 (@maxies_back) September 26, 2024
23.
i’m not doing pre-marital spotify playlist sharing again please never ask
— bombay bandar (@bandarmoment) September 26, 2024
24.
“not a girls girl” omggggggg just call her a bitch and grow up
— LAUREN ASH (@laurenashastro) September 16, 2024
25.
when he’s gettin jumped but he didn’t buy me wingstop pic.twitter.com/aqM6i42Ybw
— tatyana 🐆 (@tatbaee) September 16, 2024
Nickelodeon / Twitter: @tatbaee
26.
mcdonald’s will “anything else” you to death can you wait a mcminute
— The Scientist🥼 (@babysmurkkk) September 15, 2024
27.
what kind of visa is Emily on in Paris?!
— nolan (@anxiousdeluxe) September 14, 2024
28.
oh for sure pic.twitter.com/oIxmpO0vXz
— chris (@tophlo) September 9, 2024
29.
Politely texted my neighbor saying I was having a party this weekend and it may get a little loud and she responded with “I love parties! Thank you for the invite!!” pic.twitter.com/wr9ta14hqm
— Sal (@salanth0ny) September 18, 2024
Disney / Twitter: @salanth0ny
30.
coworker: what did you get for lunch?
me: soup
coworker: I hate soup
me: I don’t?? pic.twitter.com/70on3ecADT
— The Jolly Olly Ma’am (@HolaCarmitooo) September 18, 2024
ABC / Twitter: @HolaCarmitooo
31.
pic.twitter.com/lEaPmQWNaN
— by perfect 🔻 (@lmp3rfect) September 14, 2024
32.
Police got mad at me Cause I farted while he searchin me mf I’m Scared. 😭
— jojo (@paidassjodyy) September 10, 2024
33.
pic.twitter.com/oKidlAOefq
— 𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓵 ❤️ (@yrs______) September 10, 2024
34.
"reading smut ruins your brain" i can assure you, whatever is wrong with me was there long before i started reading
— ً (@alori1975) September 7, 2024
35.
not to be a hater but why would you waste your youth on pickleball when you’re perfectly capable of enjoying the noble sport of tennis
— paige (@midwesterneur) September 9, 2024
36.
My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday.
I asked her, "How small?"
She replied,
"Just you, me, and the principal.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) September 10, 2024
37.
pic.twitter.com/HsrCov9OIc
— Satan (@s8n) September 9, 2024
38.
nothing like ur unemployed friend having their notifications silenced...like what could i possibly be disturbing
— Ben Kesslen (@benkesslen) September 10, 2024
39.
I forgot to remove my durag before a Teams call and my colleague asked if I’m grieving.
— sadiq (@SadiqoJN) September 9, 2024
40.
"I bet it's big" it's not. so, what now? pic.twitter.com/RcRxSVN03N
— Khalid Shawarma 🪬 (@l0tswife) September 6, 2024
The Breakfast Club / Twitter: @l0tswife / Via youtube.com
41.
Cute guy on Grindr gave me his snap and talked to me for hours last night before blocking me on everything this morning pic.twitter.com/St80thOSj8
— Swolecialist (@BlackLanterrn) September 7, 2024
Fox / Twitter: @BlackLanterrn
42.
YALL pic.twitter.com/kiTtIGMIzG
— dictator (@notpadre) September 5, 2024
43.
going to bed at 8pm on a Friday is really chic if you think about it… pic.twitter.com/os2onWeVzs
— hannah (@dumbandfunn) September 7, 2024
HBO / Twitter: @dumbandfunn
44.
/ Via Twitter: @BrendanDaGawd
45.
Your body is begging you for fruits & vegetables, not don julio 😔
— ✨ (@Angelicali0) September 4, 2024
46.
I heard you turn on the faucet after going to the bathroom.. it was only on for 4.32 seconds. There is no way that you adequately sanitized your hands. I have made note of everything you touched since then
— these socks aint new (@Fredward3948576) September 15, 2024
47.
u can block me but u can’t ungasp from how tight it is
— rufus (@sngrholic) September 14, 2024
48.
are kamala harris and calvin harris related
— ian (@itsianraymond) September 14, 2024
49.
Microsoft is a crazy thing to name your company
— trevy (@chillextremist) September 9, 2024
50.
My smart bathtub got hacked and now I'm being boiled into a stew
— Puck (@Puckmeat) September 2, 2024
51.
Am I high or is this air conditioner unit stargazing with her legs out the window right now pic.twitter.com/ygWYeadoFy
— xtian (@AOWTOUDOUZAT) September 7, 2024
52.
am i crazy or was this the best summer ever?? i watched so many funny instagram reels and on top of that tiktoks
— christain🍕 (@boyruminating) September 6, 2024
53.
i have healed my inner child. i am now on to healing my inner teenager, and she is a gremlin. we're getting revenge
— ً (@alori1975) September 5, 2024
54.
yeah i’m a first responder. to his texts
— Maizie ⭐️ (@postboob) September 13, 2024
55.
apple photos will make an entire montage of the worst person you’ve ever met and add some jazz music on top of it, and then title it “The Good Days”
— Mal🕷️ (@nevermindbruhh) September 4, 2024
56.
my mom didn't raise a quitter, she raised someone so afraid of failure that they don't even start something
— ً (@ifeelgoodto) September 12, 2024
57.
They stop carding you once the light has left your eyes.
— SOZE BLANCO NOT DEAD (@TheHumanDurag) September 12, 2024
58.
I hope this email kills us both
— carmeb (@therealcbrad) September 27, 2024