“Erased It From My Memory” – 17 Of The Most Embarrassing Things Peope Have Said On First Dates
by Benjamin Dzialdowski · BuzzFeedRecently, Normal-Internal164 asked r/AskUK, "What embarrassing things have you said on a first date?" So we thought we'd share some of the best responses.
1. "On hearing she was from Fife, I sang part of ‘Soldier, Soldier, Won’t You Marry Me?’ tunelessly. This was a long time ago and I feel ill recalling it..."
2. "I needed to find something in my handbag on a pub date and took a few items out and put them on the table, one of which was a little muesli bar."
"He asked if I was feeling peckish, which was a sweet joke and I probably should have just laughed. But for reasons I will never understand, I did two terrible things. Firstly, I said in a sort of ‘CBeebies’ voice, ‘I’m a little squirrel storing up all my nuts for the winter.’
He looked horrified, so in an act I can only describe as self-hatred, I brought my hands up like two little paws, bared my front teeth, and made some jerky squirrel movements. I don’t remember how the date ended. Trauma has erased it from my memory."
3. "We were talking about jobs we’d had. I mentioned I used to work in a nightclub and said that I left because I was ‘too old for that shit anymore, it gets a bit sad once you reach a certain age.’ He worked in a nightclub. He was also older than me and very much took offence."
4. "I was fairly fit in my early 20s, did a lot of sport, etc. Trying to impress my date by talking about my healthy diet. She said she loved a fry-up with fried bread. I said me too, but grilled bread as it’s healthier. She said, ‘do you mean toast?’"
5. "Technically right before the first date. They were running pretty late and I texted a friend to moan and say it’s getting off to a bad start. Reader, you already know the rest of the story. I accidentally texted it to my date instead, in the days before you could delete messages."
6. "Not so much a first date, but the first time my now husband was at my house to meet my parents he stood up and said 'where's the pee-pee parlour?' He hasn't lived that down over 20 years later. No idea what possessed him to come out with that other than nerves, lol."
7. "Not something I said, thank God – but I know someone who went on a date with a guy she met online, and halfway through the date he asked her to marry him. She told him not to be silly... at which point he burst into tears and sat at the table crying. There was no second date."
8. "Not quite the first date, but pretty early on. I was meeting her older sister for the first time. My girlfriend said to me, ‘tell Marie what I did last night.’ I said, ‘Are you sure?’, ‘Yeah, go on, it was funny.’‘ OK then.’ I leaned in close to her sister, as we were in a pub, and said, ‘She fanny farted in my face.’ My girlfriend goes, ‘NOOOOOO! I meant when I fell off my stool in the pub!’"
9. "Was said to me rather than by me. Successful first date, saying goodbye, and he says, ‘I have to tell you I’ve got a really small penis. It’s not a micropenis, but it’s much smaller than average.’ Ohhhhhh....kaaaay. Forewarned is forearmed, I guess?"
10. "'Oh I can't be bothered with blow jobs, they're a waste of time.' I meant blow drying my hair!"
11. "I once was having dinner with someone on a first date, and they were scouring the menu for ages, so I said, ‘what is it you’re looking for?’. It became this extremely awkward, drawn-out few minutes where they described their ideal man while looking extremely put on the spot, and then I said, ‘no, like burgers or the salads or something’ while pointing to the menu."
12. "We were getting on really well; halfway through the evening I spotted a girl’s name tattooed on his arm. Trying to be funny, I asked, ‘Ooh, is that your other girlfriend?’ No. She had been his fiancée. She’d been killed in a car crash. Oddly enough, he never called me."
13. "Showing her pictures of the cat, accidentally showed her a picture of my feet that I sent to the boys earlier today... (Feet pics to the boys can only mean one thing: I’m on the shitter.)"
14. "I dated a guy from Hyde and I made a comment about Harold Shipman, and he said, ‘Oh, he killed my Nan.’ Watching a documentary about it a couple of years later, and his mum was on it. Whoops."
15. "More what I did than what I said."
"Met some girls in town, they said, ‘Come to a party on Saturday night.’
I was young, inexperienced, and had read somewhere that when you're getting on well with a girl and you want to take it to the next level, wink at her and she'll understand.
Went to the party, got nowhere with the girls – despite me thinking they were into me.
Thought nothing more of it until I heard from a friend of a friend that the girl who'd invited me was really into me, until she thought I'd got something in my eye, as I was manically, repeatedly winking at her...
I don't wink on dates anymore..."
16. "Not a first date, but a few dates in with my now wife, who’s a very loving, caring nurse and person whom my mates were already friends with. Just before sealing the deal, to break the ice I said, ‘The boys tell me you’ve not got a bad bone in your body... yet!’ Awkward laughter ensued."
17. "Mine wasn't something I said, it was something I did."
"I blew half a glass of Pernod and blackcurrant down my nose all over his white shirt! I was super nervous because it was a lad I'd had a crush on for absolutely ages. He ordered a Pernod and black and I didn't really drink so didn't know what to order so just said 'I'll have the same'.
I took a big 'nerves settling' gulp of my drink just as he said something quite funny, and I laughed and the Pernod hit the back of my throat at the same time, and I turned into a human fountain and sprayed it out of my nose all over him. Funnily enough I never got a second date with him!"
H/T to Normal-Internal164 and r/AskUK for sharing!
Any of your own to add? Let us know in the comments below!
Additional thumbnail credits: ABC