This Man Is Openly Complaining About How His Wife's Perimenopause Is Affecting Him, And I NEED To Know Your Thoughts

Posted on Oct 25, 2026 UTC

Anyone who has female hormones knows they're no joke. Menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum, breastfeeding, perimenopause, menopause — our whole lives are one hormonal change after another, and it can be incredibly overwhelming at times.

Although some people don't experience severe symptoms during hormonal changes, others can have life-altering ones — bloating, mood changes, pain, brain fog, acne, cramping, exhaustion...just to name a few. So naturally, it can affect not only the woman experiencing it, but their partners as well.

Being a husband to a woman going through perimenopause is *exactly* what Reddit user Dunno606 wanted to talk about. And it may not be what you expect. Here's his story:

"My wife recently hit perimenopause, and I've been 100% supportive and done my best to show her that I'm there for her in every way. The problem is that I'm not coping very well."

"Society seems to say that I don't matter in this situation and that I'm being selfish because it's not about me. Well, now it is about me. I've fallen into the most crippling depression. I've seen psychologists and psychiatrists, tried every antidepressant imaginable, and gone through therapy."

"I'm too young to feel this way. I'm still in my prime, still youthful, and haven't shown any signs of aging yet. My body is almost as good as it was at 25, except for a slightly softer six-pack. I'm struggling with the feeling that I'm getting old...because I'm not old. I don't even have a single grey hair." He continued, "I'm in great shape. Hell, I still ride a skateboard, play in bands, and party hard like in my twenties."

"Society today says I'm out of line for feeling this way and speaking out about it. I know perimenopause is all about her, but seriously, what about me? That attitude is making it even harder for me to cope, and I'm worried about my own well-being. There seems to be no help available for me, and I'm constantly shut down whenever I try to talk about these feelings. I don't think I can deal with this much longer."

He went on, "We used to go at it like animals. Spontaneous, anywhere and everywhere, full of fun and laughter. The libido went out the window a few years ago. I haven't had sex in 5 years. It's not going to come back. The sense of humor is gone. Everything that used to bring us joy is gone. The woman I fell in love with isn't there anymore."

"I'm sympathetic, helpful, understanding, supportive, and caring. I've never treated her in any way less than my princess, but it's clear her personality isn't coming back. She is a different person, and this is breaking me. I'm in tears as I write this...literally bawling my eyes out, alone in my bed, while she sleeps in our child's room."

Read the entire discourse here.

Then, fellow Redditors started giving their *incredibly* honest hot takes. Some went in a direction I never expected, while others had me clapping and saying, "YES! EXACTLY!" There is SO much to unpack. So take a look:

_Amalthea_ had some thoughts: "It sounds like you're really struggling with this transitional stage in your life and relationship, and that struggle is absolutely valid and shared by many people. However, if you expect your relationship to never experience changes, transitions, ups, and downs — well, you're setting yourself up for disappointment."

xPreystx has experienced the same thing, saying, "I feel your frustration. A lot of what you've written resonates with me. I don’t have any advice. It just sucks. It's been 10+ years for me, and I've been through all of it: the extreme postpartum depression, my illnesses, her illnesses, our kids, and now perimenopause. I'm wondering when some stability will finally return. I was hopeful when I found out about perimenopause because it seemed like other women were having success with treatments, but who knows? I miss her. I miss us. I miss the fun and lightness. It has become such a tense environment, and she gets rather snappy."

And LAPL620 brought up some good points, saying, "I've had a lot of health struggles since having kids, and my husband had to have a very open, vulnerable conversation with me about how it was impacting him, too. I didn't realize how stressed and burned out he was until he pointed it out to me in tears. He had been downplaying it for so long because he was prioritizing me and my needs, and I had become blind to it. I'm much more aware of the balance in our relationship now, and I'm making more of an effort to contribute to it. Also, your wife should definitely be talking to her gyno about the libido issue. Something else may be going on that could be addressed. If she's not willing to work on issues that are affecting your relationship, that's not fair to you. She may also benefit from individual therapy if she isn't already doing it."

And Ordinary-Ad-8034 chimed in: "I think your feelings are totally valid. We've moved into an era where men are being shamed for being both 'too masculine' AND for having feelings. My wife is definitely different from when we first met 30 years ago, and in some ways, I wonder if she'll ever get back to the personality I fell in love with. There are glimmers of hope, but she's so much more anxious than she ever was back then. But she hates this about herself. But that doesn't diminish the fact that I still want to have fun. I still want to have fun with her and only her, and we're just not doing that right now. So yes, I see you, and I see where you're coming from."

And OrcaZen42 had some thoughts: "My wife has been in perimenopause for many years now — maybe 6 or 7 years now. Sex and regular physical affection started to decrease around that time. We still love each other deeply and have an awesome partnership and kids together, but I yearn for even the occasional intimacy we used to have or that she once genuinely enjoyed. Right now, we schedule sex, and sometimes it works out, but oftentimes, her periods are very heavy and last twice as long, or she has migraines, backaches, and general malaise that keep her from actively engaging in sex, let alone enthusiastically. I fret about it more than I should, but I always remind myself that she's my girl and that it's all completely out of my control."

Then pipspawn piped up, saying, "It genuinely sounds like there's more to this than your partner's menopause. You say that you're still a very active 40-year-old who skates, plays in bands, and goes out. To be honest, this sounds like a midlife crisis. You're getting older, and the things you used to love doing are getting harder to do and find enjoyment in. On top of that, your other half doesn't seem as supportive of your choices as she used to. Is she menopausal, or is she just being realistic?"

They continued, "One motto I'll always live by is this: 'If you're not happy with yourself, how can you be happy with someone else?' It's time to stop and think about what you actually enjoy in life now compared to before. Instead of dwelling on what's changed, embrace it. Accept it. Work on yourself before working on your wife, because if you don't, who will she have to turn to when she needs help?"

Then _Amalthea_ had something to say: "I'm a woman, and I like to think of perimenopause/menopause as being similar to a chronic illness. Yes, it's about the person going through it, but their partner and support system are also allowed to have feelings about the situation, and they often go through their own parallel struggles, such as depression, burnout, etc. So both people are allowed to be going through what they're going through, if that makes sense. And, just like with a chronic illness, there's hope that the person experiencing it will come out the other side feeling better than they do now, but you'll likely both be different after."

And finally, Nanasweed said, "I'm kinda flabbergasted that in a world where men literally have ALL the rights, that you 'need' even more!"

Now, I need to know YOUR brutally honest thoughts on the matter! Share all your opinions in the comments, and leave nothing out!

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