This Guy's In-Laws Have A Secret Group Chat With His Wife's Ex. I Need To Know If You Think They're In The Wrong
by Jennifer McPhee · BuzzFeedPosted on Oct 21, 2026 UTC
Most people have an ex or two. And if you live in a small town, you might even run into them semi-regularly. But what about people whose exes are still so involved in their families' lives that they even attend family holiday gatherings? Well, Reddit user OldManBJJ1 went viral after sharing his experience with *exactly* that.
Here's the story: "My wife and I have been together for 16 years, and married for 7. She has an ex who is a family friend and her brother's best friend. He's always at family functions like Thanksgiving and Christmas, which I completely understand and have come to accept."
"Well, my wife and I have an understanding that we don't communicate with our exes. This particular ex has caused us many issues in the past, even leading us to break up for a year — 15 years ago."
"Well, I found out that her family members have been having separate group texts with her and him, communicating without including me. When I found out, I told her that I found it very disrespectful of her and her family. But even after that conversation...she didn't do anything about it."
"If the roles were reversed, she would be livid about it. I also wouldn't allow my family to do something like that without setting them straight. Am I off base here? What do other guys think about this situation?"
Then, fellow Redditors started giving their two cents on the matter. Some went in a direction I never expected, like suggesting he sleep with her best friend, while others suggested that his wife should just leave the chat. There is SO much to unpack. So take a look:
Old_Corduroy asked, "I'm curious WHY they feel the need to have a separate group chat that's hidden from you. Surely, it's not specifically because they want to include the ex. Maybe it's to avoid drama with you? I could understand a 'just-a-close-family-inner-circle-only' chat, but that doesn't explain this situation, where the ex is included. So, it begs the question: Why is the ex in, and why are you out? And why has the whole thing been kept a secret?"
fitz_newru piped in, saying, "What's concerning is that the wife never mentioned those group chats all this time, even though she knew how serious the issue was."
"Aren't you answering your own question? The secrecy, the double standard, the lack of respect — for me, it would be too much. This ex has already caused a breakup before. If I were a parent in that family, I wouldn't handle things this way, if only out of respect for my daughter's husband." Electronic_Leek9147 said.
Another said, "While the texts may, in fact, be innocent, the fact that you had to find out about them yourself, rather than your wife respecting you enough to be upfront about them, pretty much sucks." oh_gawrsh went on, "You set your own boundaries for what kind of behaviour you'll accept from your wife. If she refuses to disclose the contents of those group texts, you're left with a tough choice to make. Me, personally...she'd be back with her family, or she'd be buying me out of the house. We couldn't stay married after foolishness like that."
Then some other opinions came rolling in: "The family can do what they want, especially since the ex is a family friend and the brother's best friend. Even if I didn't like it, that's not a battle I'd fight unless there was some real sh*t-talking going on. Honestly, I have better things to worry about," Manners2210 said.
"And it sounds like the ex is a true family friend who has a relationship with the husband’s in-laws beyond just the brother, given that he's included in family group chats. He may essentially be family, whether the husband likes it or not." stormy2587 went on: "The husband needs to tread lightly here because, while he may not see this guy as family, asking his wife to have less contact with family members in group settings that include him may mean she sees less of her family or her brother. And if it's all because the husband is jealous, that could put a strain on their relationship."
And lastly, CCinCO said, "So, you both agreed not to communicate with your exes, but she's still in constant communication with hers? You know what you need to do. She and her family have no respect for you."
You can read even more of the discourse here.