17 Soul-Crushing Remarks That Made People See Someone In A Whole New Light
by Claudia Santos · BuzzFeedRecently, we published stories from people who shared the words someone said to them that changed their relationship forever. It prompted even more folks from the BuzzFeed Community to share even more heartbreaking sentences from a loved ones. Here's what they had to say.
Note: This post contains mentions of suicide and abuse.
1. "My mom cheated on my dad, and after one of my therapy appointments on the way home, she told me I was the reason for their marital problems. To this day, I feel that everything that goes wrong is my fault."
2. "My stepmom gave me a panic attack a few years ago by literally rapid-fire interrogating me about my future post-college. I was on my way back to the kitchen for dinner after I'd taken my anxiety meds and calmed down a bit, and I overheard her arguing with my dad. The exact words that came out of her mouth were, 'Why does it matter if I don't like [my name]?' I know neither of them was aware that I heard it because I was around a corner where I was 100% sure they couldn't see me."
"I disliked my stepmom before I overheard that comment, but I now despise her, and I avoid visiting my dad when I know she'll be there. I'm not sure if my dad is aware that I'm actively avoiding her, but thankfully, he hasn't pushed the issue of me being there for various family gatherings since I live a two-plus hour drive from him with traffic."
3. "I was in an abusive relationship. I thought if I loved him enough, he would love me back. One day, his younger brother was staying with us. My ex wasn't home, so I cleaned with the little time I had. His brother was in the living room, and something came over me, and I asked, 'Do you think [ex] respects me?' Without missing a beat, he goes, 'No.' That was the beginning of the end. I started to grey-rock my ex, and his behavior confirmed how much he hated me. I don't know why he hated me so much."
4. "My mom told my brother and me how she didn't want us and chose her pervert of a boyfriend over us. I was 16 at the time, and her boyfriend kept making sexual comments about my body when my mom wasn't near. I told my brother about it, and he had my back. We told my mom, who didn't care and said she'd still choose him over us. We cut contact with her for a few years after that. Then, my brother fell into a bad depression, and we decided to make amends with her. My brother ended up taking his life shortly after this."
"I fell into a deep depression, so I moved in with her and that shitty boyfriend. The comments started again when I confronted her. She told me that same statement on my brother's birthday, which was four months after he died by suicide.
'I'm never going to choose you; I'm going to choose him.' I haven't been the same since then, and all of my family has decided to take her side. It's been a fucked up healing journey."
5. "My parents divorced when I was around eight, and my father failed to contribute financially or emotionally as my mom struggled to bring up myself and my two brothers. About 20 years of strained relationship later, he thought it was a wonderful idea to take us out to lunch and announce to each of us in turn that it was too hard on him to be our father, and he didn't want to do it any longer. That was around 15 years ago, and neither of my brothers has any time for him now. I only keep the lines of communication open for my own karma. He has always been very self-centered, but this is the worst of the pearls of wisdom he has gifted me over my life."
6. "There were three instances where my brother broke my heart before things finally ended between us. The first was when I decided to go back to school to become a high school English teacher because I wanted to help kids at an age when I needed it most. It was the derisive way he said, 'What, you think you're gonna be like Dead Poets Society to them?' That killed me. The second time he broke my heart was when I was in the depths of my depression and panic disorder, as well as suffering from some undiagnosed fatigue issue, so I was barely surviving. During a text argument about who knows what, he told me he didn't think I even wanted to get better."
"The final event was when we agreed to stop speaking. He said two things during that fight. He'd lied about forgiving me/not blaming me for something that had happened years prior (in which I was only a passive party).
The second happened when he said more awful things about my struggle with depression. I asked if he, as a nurse, spoke to his patients like that, and he responded, 'No. Only to you.'
The only contact we've had since then is some minor communications about our mother's health. I know he's been hurt by a lot in life, but he's always refused therapy or any sort of help or doing any work to get through it. He just got angry and cut everyone off."
7. "About 10 years ago, my husband and I were late for a close family member’s memorial service because our smoke detectors kept going off, and we couldn’t find the reason. My stepson and his fiancée were supposed to dog-sit for us that night while we were out of town. We didn’t feel comfortable with any of them staying in the house, so we made alternative arrangements. By the time we arrived at the service, we were overwhelmed with grief and stress."
"Right after we walked in, my oldest sister said in complete seriousness (she was not joking), 'You should have let it all burn. You could have replaced that shack with a really nice place with the insurance money.'
When people ask why I'm in no contact with my sister, I tell that story, and no one asks any more questions. The fact that she could be that horribly evil about our child, his fiancée, and our dogs was more than I could tolerate."
8. "I never had a good relationship with my mom. She was verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusive. She said a lot of things that made me not love her, but the straw that broke the camel's back was my aunt telling her daughter once on a shopping trip, 'No, you don't have to give me your money; I'm the parent. We don't take money from our kids.' My mom took almost every cent I earned because she made me feel like I owed it to her at 16 years old. It just put things into perspective how I was an object to her and was never a child. It was very eye-opening and very depressing."
9. "About 10 years after high school graduation, I was talking to the girl who had been my best friend all during high school. After graduation, I went to college, got a great job, and traveled all over the world. She and her boyfriend eloped at 16, married, and still live in our hometown. We didn’t have a lot of contact after high school, but I would call her whenever I was in town. On this particular day, she suddenly said, 'You know you were really lucky that I was nice to you because everyone hated you.'"
"I was so shocked, I just said, 'What?!' She then went on to tell me again that everyone hated me and how difficult it was to be my friend because of it. I was floored, so I just made some weak excuse to hang up.
I know I wasn't one of the popular kids, but I don't think anyone hated me, or if they did, I wasn't aware of it. I can't imagine why she would say that, but I never spoke to her again."
10. "My ex and I were broken up but still living together during COVID. One night, he texted me while I was in the bathroom that he didn't like my attitude and was going to sleep in his car, and then he blocked me. I was confused, so I walked down in my jammies in December to ask him what was up. He jumped out of his car when he saw me coming and started to scream at me at the top of his lungs that he hated my guts, to get away from him, and that I was more disgusting to him than anyone he'd ever met. I was six months postpartum and had extreme postpartum depression. Our relationship as co-parents did not survive that outburst."
11. "'No one better die on my vacation next year.' My brother said this to me after my 15-year-old daughter was tragically struck and killed by a distracted driver. He had been golfing in Ireland and had to cut the trip short to return home for the funeral. Not to mention, this conversation happened in my parents' kitchen; we both had stopped by their home because my father was dying of melanoma. My brother was busy planning out his training schedule for a marathon that he would be running, and he never even looked up from his paper when he made the heartless comment about my daughter, his niece. I haven't spoken to him in 15 years!"
—Anonymous, 56, Massachusetts
12. "I'd never gotten super along with my sister, but the moment she told me that our mother only got a foot of her colon taken out to distract everyone from her pregnancy (she didn't seem to understand how very little sense that would make to anyone sane), it made me realize she's the type of person I never want to be around again, family or not. I cannot deal with having someone that narcissistic in my life, and I have not talked to her for over a year and a half now. I've always thought of her as a narcissist, but that was somehow above and beyond what I ever would have expected."
13. "My husband of 32 years told someone that he married me because he 'felt sorry for me' because my family was so messed up. I loved him with my whole heart and spent half my life supporting him and his pursuit of his dreams, as well as being a stepmom and grandmother. Apparently, the feeling wasn't mutual. My heart was, and remains, shattered. We have lived separate lives ever since."
—Kari, 64, Michigan
14. "My sister and I never got along. She hated me since I was born, I assume, for competitive reasons. She knew I was hurting myself and told me to just kill myself already. I didn't harbor many good feelings for her, but I knew she was dead to me ever since. She doubled down on it two other times, saying she meant it."
15. "My dad once told me he loved me, but I make it hard to do all because I was honest with him about how his abuse made me feel."
16. "'I gave up on you when you were 13.' My mother said that to me many years later after I had grown up and had a child of my own. Suddenly, so many things clicked into place: class performances she didn't want to attend, a total lack of interest or input when it came time for college applications and visits, a graduation party I had to share with my younger sister, who was 'graduating' sixth grade, and college events she couldn't care less about."
"So, 13 was when I saw that, despite many academic achievements, including starting school a year early and enrollment in gifted programs, nothing mattered more than the embarrassment I caused her when I couldn't deal on my own with some very traumatic events.
She quietly opted out of my life and focused everything on my younger sister. When I think of all the years I wasted trying to earn her approval, all the worry and frustration, I just want to scream."
—Anonymous, 53, Georgia
17. "I was diagnosed with an early stage of breast cancer. It wasn't invasive yet, but I was still going to need a unilateral mastectomy for sure, and ultimately, my healthy breast was removed to reduce the chance of reoccurrence. I had my entire family on Zoom 45 minutes after I had just gotten my diagnosis. Right after I told everyone and before anyone else could even utter a word, my mother spent 10 minutes talking about the one time she had found a lump and had a biopsy and how it all came back normal, but how stressful it was for her."
"For those who don't use Zoom outside of business, you get 40 minutes for free. By the time my mom had stopped talking, we had about 5 minutes left for me to answer questions.
My mom was very upset when I didn't allow her to come and stay with me for the surgery. Well, that is because she can make everything about her, even my cancer.
I already had little contact with her before this, but we're almost no contact now."
Has someone ever said something to you that altered your relationship? Tell us about it in the comments or fill out this form if you prefer to remain anonymous.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.