Help!!! I Can't Stop Laughing At The 25 Funniest Tweets By Women This Week
by Shelby Heinrich · BuzzFeedWe're at the tail-end of October and I — like many others — am begging Amelia Dimoldenberg and Andrew Garfield to date.
I can https://t.co/jmUSafIN7d
— Amelia Dimoldenberg (@ameliadimz) October 20, 2024
Until that happens, enjoy the funniest tweets by women this week:
And make sure to follow these funny ladies on Twitter!
1.
my ex was not attractive enough for me to have all this trauma
— divya (@certifiedbkl) October 21, 2024
2.
"i'm a top" "i'm a bottom" okay well i'm just a bill yes i'm only a bill and i'm sitting here on capitol hill
— text TALIA to 30201 (@taliaswlcek) October 22, 2024
3.
class solidarity is never letting teslas merge in traffic
— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) October 22, 2024
4.
if i leave a pimple alone it will probably go away in a few days but if i pick at it i can rip off layers of my skin and leave a scar that will last for weeks and weeks!!! which one do you think i will choose
— mar (@itsmariannnna) October 22, 2024
5.
Good morning, did you have a nice weekend, I ask my 47 open work tabs
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 21, 2024
6.
pic.twitter.com/Oz1ocWmQuN
— Alison (@TradWife2049) October 21, 2024
7.
I wasn’t a teenage dirtbag, I was a pleasure to have in class
— Brunette Bohemian (@Jane_Doe82) October 21, 2024
8.
I wanted a package of English muffins. They were buy one get one free. However, both of them were sell by 10-24 so now I’m on the clock. I’ve had two English muffins today. I’m not sure I can keep up the pace.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) October 22, 2024
9.
i love to lean. i see a wall? u better believe my shoulder’s going on it
— chase (@_chase_____) October 21, 2024
10.
When no one at the group dinner wants appetizers and then they say some shit like “But if you want the artichoke dip you should totally get it.” Bitch u know full well I’m not gonna get an artichoke dip platter for one. The dream is dead and u were the one who killed it.
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) October 22, 2024
11.
Caesar was in his bag when he made that salad, chile.
— jaya. (@jayacancook) October 21, 2024
12.
I miss childhood because my back didn’t hurt and I didn’t have to make dinner every night
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 20, 2024
13.
I don't give a fuck about making it to Mars. I want healthcare. Which apparently is more out of reach then Mars.
— meowmers (@headi420) October 20, 2024
14.
“women have it easy because they can just sleep their way to the top” well spread those cheeks baby boy! nobody is stopping you
— death angel (@angel_0f_deathx) October 20, 2024
15.
today at work this lady said “it’s too bad you don’t have a tip jar. i wanted to leave you guys a tip” i said we do have a tip jar and pointed to it and she said “oh…” and walked away 😭
— earth angel (@kalelvr) October 20, 2024
16.
when they ask me what my writing process is pic.twitter.com/g3p0dcMDSZ
— ✨🖤🗡️Nicole Catherine Lindsay ✨is querying✨🗡️🖤✨ (@NicoleCLindsay) October 16, 2024
Twitter: @NicoleCLindsay / Fox
17.
wow I can’t believe you would do this to me, on this the day of my laziness
— Kate is home (@Kateness8) October 17, 2024
18.
having a silly little crush is actually the healthiest thing you can do trust me i'm a doctor
— erika (@yeeeerika) October 21, 2024
19.
[women are lonely]: well, women just need to lower their standards, change themselves, and put other people's needs first
[men are lonely]: well, women just need to lower their standards, change themselves, and put other people's needs first
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 20, 2024
20.
hate on winter all you want, I for one look my best and most dazzling in a sweater so thick and large and shapeless that it toes the line between clothing and blanket
— katie (@katefeetie) October 20, 2024
21.
i realized the other day millennials use lol the same way operators would use stop in morse code and now i can't unsee it
— hegelian vs predator (@reachrachelkahn) October 20, 2024
22.
i hate when someone with adhd tell me “i’ll do it in a sec” like ho you’re lying. you’re not even gonna remember it in a sec.
— Samaria (@samariajdavis_) October 20, 2024
23.
saw a squirrel eating an acorn and it really made my day . just a timelessly classic situation
— Cass (@_casscore) October 21, 2024
24.
girl whatever you’re going through right now as long as you’re not pregnant you’ll be fine
— ً (@sonoreid) October 21, 2024
25.
Every time I’m sore after Pilates I remember it’s what killed Jesus
— Circe (@vocalcry) October 20, 2024
Don't miss the funniest tweets by women last week:
22 Tweets By Women This Week That I'm Still Thinking And Chuckling About