People Are Sharing Their “I Was Only Gone For 5 Minutes” Stories, And As A Dog Owner, I Can Relate
by Benjamin Dzialdowski · BuzzFeedRecently, LawfulnessHaunting41 asked r/AskReddit, "What was your "I was gone for five minutes!" Story?" So we thought we'd share some of the top responses.
1. "Went to the bathroom and left my two-year-old in the living room, with the baby gate closed. Heard thumping and giggling, and came downstairs to find that he had opened the baby gate (a new skill!) and gone into the kitchen, poured a litre of cooking oil all over the floor, and was sliding around in it."
2. "I was whisking raw eggs to make fried chicken when I suddenly had to pee really badly. I told my husband to make sure none of the pets ate the raw eggs while I was gone. He rolled his eyes, thinking that would never happen, but agreed. When I got back to the kitchen 45 seconds later, our female cat was eating the eggs. My husband has never heard the end of it."
3. "Wrote an article about a colleague who was with my client company for 12.5 years. We posted it on our intranet, and I went to the bathroom. By the time I got back, the dude had walked out. Left saying he never realised how long he had stayed with that company, and that he hadn't had the balls to get up and leave for years. Those 12.5 years in the hero image probably woke him up."
4. "My friend had a small pond on their farm that we’d fish in from time to time. Well, they had a paddle boat, and a couple of our friends were out on it. We walked to go and get something from one of the shops, came back, and the paddle boat was in the middle of the pond, quickly sinking, with the two friends holding on for dear life to the back."
5. "A coworker I was training to accept returns paid around a thousand USD in cash for an empty box."
6. "My wife ran to the store to grab some extra avocados for chips and guacamole. By the time she got back a few minutes later, Germany had already put four goals past Brazil."
7. "I was in the military in 2005, and one day me and another soldier drove into town off base to eat lunch. No kidding, as soon as I began to order, I realised I had left my wallet in the car. I went out to get it and found my car window smashed, as a bullet had gone right through the passenger-side window and then out of the driver's side. Cops said it was a stray bullet. I am typing this because I got out of my car just in the nick of time."
8. "Met a group of people my age, three guys and two gals, hanging out at the pool at my apartment complex. Turned out, they didn't live at the complex; they had just snuck in to use the pool.
"They invited me to the guys' house for a party that night. One of the young ladies seemed to be into me, and I confirmed she was single, so I decided to go. The party was just starting when I showed up, really tame, almost lame, just a few people drinking beer and chilling while music played at a reasonable level. The gal was nice. More people showed up until it was definitely an official party, but it was still really chill. I offered to go and pick up another case of beer.
The petrol station was less than a mile away. When I got back, the street was closed off by three police cars and two more up on the lawn where the party was. At least two people were face down in cuffs, and two shirtless guys were fistfighting a group of police officers while everyone else was either cheering them on or trying to flee. I turned around in a neighbour's driveway and never saw any of those people again."
9. "Went to make a cup of tea, came back, and the cat had strolled across my keyboard, sent three blank emails, opened 144 tabs, and changed my computer language to Chinese."
10. "One day at the ripe age of nine-ish, me, my sister, and my mother all went to wash our hands (as we were going to soon eat our pizza we had just made). We left my brother there and came back and could not find the pizza. My two-foot-tall brother had managed to get the pizza into my aquarium. All my fish died and we had no pizza."
11. "I went to pee and take my morning meds while my three-year-old twins were eating breakfast. By the time I got back, they had used an umbrella to knock down a canvas painting from the wall, flipped it upside down at the base of the stairs, filled it up with water from the watering can, and were splashing in it like it was a mini-pool. I told them to leave the paintings alone, but that this was one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. Then we left and I bought them a kiddie-pool."
12. "We had a basset hound who once managed to get a roasted chicken off the middle of the dining room table and take off with it when my mother turned around to stir a pot. The chairs were all pushed in, and this dog could not stand on her hind legs without support. Even then, she was just long enough to see the table, not reach anything on it. Decades later, we are still certain the dog or the chicken levitated. Or both."
H/T to LawfulnessHaunting41 and r/AskReddit for having the discussion!
Any of your own to add? Let us know in the comments below!
Additional thumbnail credits: Warner Bros. Pictures, 20th Century Fox