This Parent Is Furious With Their Sister Over Her "No Kids Allowed" Gatherings
by Fabiana Buontempo · BuzzFeedNowadays, many people are deciding to forgo letting people bring their children to an event. I've heard of this happening at weddings, birthday parties, or even dinner parties.
But what about when a family member decides family gatherings are for "adults only," and you suddenly can't bring your own children around? Sadly, this situation happened to this OP, who shared their story in the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit and asked for advice:
"I’m the only one in my family with kids—two young ones, ages 4 and 6. My siblings don’t have children, and my parents are retired. Recently, my sister moved into a new house and decided she’s hosting family gatherings with a new rule: no kids allowed. She claims her house isn’t 'kid-proof' and wants more 'relaxed' events. She framed it like she’s doing everyone a favor, but let’s be honest—it’s just my kids, so this rule is clearly aimed at me. It’s hurtful because these are family dinners and holiday get-togethers we’ve always celebrated together as a family. Now suddenly, my kids aren’t welcome?" the OP wrote.
"What bothers me most is how this will affect my children. My 6-year-old adores his extended family, and it would break his heart if he found out he was being excluded. I’m worried he’ll never get over it. How do I explain to him that he’s not wanted at these family events? It could create a rift between him and the rest of the family. He’s sensitive, and I don’t want him growing up thinking he’s not important.
When she told me about her 'no kids' rule, I said I wouldn’t attend if my kids weren’t invited. She accused me of overreacting, but what happens for holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas if this becomes the norm? Am I supposed to leave my kids at home every time?" the OP's story continued.
The OP wrapped up the story by writing, "The rest of my family is siding with her, telling me to just “go along with it” and leave the kids at home for a few hours. My parents, who don’t have grandkids from my siblings yet, think it’s no big deal. They’re even pressuring me to cut my sister some slack since she had a tough time buying her house. But where’s the consideration for me and my kids? To top it off, my other sibling, who’s childfree, said, 'Maybe this is good for you—you could probably use a break.' Great advice from someone who’s never had to juggle parenting while trying to stay connected to family."
Lastly, they asked, "AITA [Am I the asshole] for refusing to attend her gatherings and calling her out? I feel like I’m being forced to choose between being part of my family or being a parent."
The commenters had some deeper questions.
"Alright, we need to dig a little deeper here. The fact that your entire family is backing your sister’s no-kids rule has me wondering — are your kids a handful? Are we talking Bart Simpson-level pranks, Eric Cartman-level sass, or something else entirely?
Do you have a close friend who can be blunt with you about this? Someone who can give you the real, unfiltered truth? If your kids are the rowdy ones or, heaven forbid, the smelly ones, that could explain why your sister felt the need to implement a “no kids” policy and why everyone else is okay with it.
Look, it’s one thing for kids to be a little hyper or restless at a family gathering, but if your sister went so far as to make a house rule, there might be more to this story. She possibly didn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying it outright, so she went with a blanket ban. Before jumping to conclusions, maybe have an honest chat to see if there’s something your family hasn’t told you. That way, you’re not left in the dark, and your kids aren’t being excluded for reasons that could be addressed."
—u/ZzyzxDFW
This person actually thinks the OP is the a**hole.
"YTA because you're jumping to conclusions. Nowhere did your sister say she would try to exclude your kids from holidays.
'My 6-year-old adores his extended family, and if he finds out he’s being excluded, it would break his heart. I’m worried he’ll never get over it.'
If this indicates how you interact with your sister, I completely understand why she wants a break from the kids ALWAYS being around. I promise you your child will not be traumatized by your sister occasionally hosting adult-only events. Everyone's world does not revolve around your kids. It is perfectly understandable for your sister to occasionally want to host adult-only events, especially in her own home.
What happens on holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas? Am I supposed to leave my kids at home every time?
You're jumping so far to conclusions. There is a huge difference between your sister hosting an adults-only dinner in her home and her excluding your kids from the family Christmas. Nowhere did you say your sister indicated she would try to do that, so you're a huge AH for trying to use whataboutisms to get your way and pressuring your sister into changing her house rules."
—u/Entire_Preference_69
And this person feels that the OP doesn't have to go to every family gathering without her kids.
"YTA. You're perfectly entitled to RSVP no for any social occasion regardless of reason. Saying no doesn't make you the AH. Making a big thing of it and 'calling her out' DOES make you the AH. She didn't invite you to Christmas and say, 'Leave the kids behind.' She invited you to a house party at her new house and said, 'Leave the kids behind' — that's perfectly reasonable. Again, you CAN politely say no to the invitation.
At this point, you're making assumptions and jumping to conclusions about the future. Your sister is not the only person controlling EVERYONE'S social calendar, right? Like your parents could host, your other sibling could host, YOU could host... right? She doesn't have a monopoly of family gatherings. Plan your own kid-friendly event on a different day from hers and say, 'Hey, who'd love to join us?'"
Lastly, this person says the OP isn't necessarily in the wrong, yet they don't think there is anything wrong with her sister's actions either.
"NAH since this sounds like a non-holiday invite. You have every right to say no, but if you're not hosting, you don't get to determine who is invited. I don't think there is anything wrong with your sister wanting to throw a dinner party for adults on occasion. The vibe is different."
—u/ncslazar7