Women Are Sharing The "Lightbulb Moment" That Led To Them Ending Their Long-Term Relationship
by Raven Ishak · BuzzFeedIf you've ever found yourself in a relationship where you tried your hardest to make it work, but your partner wasn't pulling their weight, you may understand how difficult it can be to be honest with yourself about the situation and pull the plug.
So when I saw that Reddit user u/Finishthem1234 asked the r/AskWomen community: "For women who took on the load of a relationship (i.e. planning everything, doing all the housework, etc.), what was your lightbulb moment it was time to end the relationship?" I thought it would be helpful to share their experiences. Here's what they said below:
1. "It occurred to me one day that there would be no relationship if I stopped trying. I was doing 100%, and he was doing 0%. So one day, I just stopped everything. We didn't have a final conversation or anything at all. I just stopped talking to him, and we never talked again. It was a four-year relationship."
2. "When he screamed at me for leaving a light on while he was sleeping, two days after I had brain surgery and was still on some very strong painkillers. The best decision I ever made was leaving him."
3. "My husband was gone for a few days and the kids and i didn't even notice. lol."
4. "It was when I was two weeks postpartum with our second child and bedridden, and he left to take a 10-day retreat/vacation in California. He called and said what a relief it was to feel free of me and my babies on the beach. It was the first time I thought, 'This is wrong, I am being used.' In retrospect, the financial abuse where he drained my wealth should have done it, but it was the more physically vulnerable postpartum time that got the message through."
5. "When she was so terrible with our finances that I had to get a second job, we had to get roommates, and the whole time she came up with excuse after excuse as to why she couldn't get another job and why she couldn't cut back on her spending. And then she turned around and bought her mom a Disney trip on MY credit card without even asking me first or giving me a heads up. I found out when I went to pay the bill and it was a couple thousand dollars higher than I expected. I stayed with her for so long because I'd grown up with people saying relationships are hard work. So I thought it was the right thing to do to stay with her and work through our issues together. But at that point, I realized I didn't care if it made me a bad person or an asshole. I had no desire to continue to be someone's piggy bank."
"Six months after leaving her, I scraped enough together for a down payment on a house. Six months! I kick myself imagining how much more money I'd have had I left her sooner. That's how much she was bleeding from me."
6. "When our sex life fell apart. We were having sex once every four to six months. I was practically begging for it, but every time we tried, I realized I didn’t even want him anyway because I was too busy being the manager of the household and basically his mother. I was 29 years old but every time I looked in the mirror, I felt like a washed-up old woman. That was the last straw."
7. "Oh hell, mine was the moment back in 2010 when he called his mom on the phone and ask if he could go live with her. He didn't mention if WE (myself and our 5-year-old son) could also live with her. I had to ask him very out loud (so she could hear me) 'What about us??!' Then he changed it to, 'Oh yeah and them too.' I knew then love was no longer a thing between us and I'd fallen out of love at that very moment."
8. "He complained about having to go grocery shopping. I had made the menu for the week, planned, budget it and pretty much paid for all of it. It made me so mad I told him to suck it up. He didn’t understand why I couldn’t do it. At the time, I was working pretty much two full-time jobs and going to school. He was working 30 hours and used the rest to play video games. I gave him a rundown of all I did at home and how much more I paid for everything. He half apologized. That was a big wake-up call. Then that weekend he canceled the first date we were going to have in months last minute."
"He woke up late because he was tired but his friends called and he was up and ready to go in five minutes. By the time he got back home, none of his stuff was in the bedroom.
And finally, I went out with a friend for coffee and I realized that I was laughing. And it hit me that I hadn’t heard myself laugh in a really long time. I almost started crying when I realized how sad my life was and how miserable I felt.
When I got back home, I told him I was moving out. He asked me where we were moving, too. It took him a second to realize that I meant that I was moving out by myself. He suggested therapy, open relationships, he started actually cooking and cleaning but it was too late. A month later, I was out of there.
He ended up living in his car, crashing it, and ended up homeless for a bit. He eventually moved in with someone else he got involved with while still trying to get back together with me. His friends reached out to tell me I was overreacting. I wasted over five years with him. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did. My current partner is amazing, always has time for me, and he will help me out at home even without me asking."