19 Unbearably Stupid Things People Have Said 100% Seriously
by Benjamin Dzialdowski · BuzzFeedWe all say some stupid things now and then, but occasionally, someone says something ridiculous with such assuredness, that it stays with us.
So when SuspiciousSpell5386 asked r/AskReddit, "What is the dumbest thing you've heard someone said that they were 100% serious about?" We thought we'd share some of the top responses.
1. "I knew someone who, amongst a group of science nerds, wondered aloud where the Moon goes every month. He thought, honestly, that a 'new Moon' was literally a brand-new Moon forming every month, and the old one disintegrated or something."
2. "My ex-MIL once declared that she thought the Pope was Jewish. When I asked why, the answer was 'Well, he wears one of those funny little hats.'"
3. "My brother-in-law, who is the stereotypical embodiment of the guy who will never move out of his mother’s basement (never worked a day in his life, lives off fast food he buys on his parents’ dime, etc.), looked me straight in the face a year ago and said he carries a Swiss Army knife on him at all times because someday he’s going to get in a knife fight and ‘show everyone how it’s done’… I don’t know what ‘it’ is, but buddy, I doubt it."
4. "Girl I was on a date with: 'Owning a horse is cheaper than owning a dog.'"
5. "A guy where I worked insisted that no one ever needs to change the oil in their car. He was a real jerk, so no one corrected him. Everyone quietly hoped he would just continue abusing his own car like that."
6. "My 15-month-old daughter had a febrile seizure and, while they were trying to get her car seat into the ambulance, one of the paramedics pulled me to the side and said, ‘Next time she gets a fever, mix kiwi with a little lemon juice and let her taste it. The sweet and sour will confuse her into not seizing.’ He was completely serious. I was momentarily speechless. All I could say was, ‘Okay, good to know.’ I don’t know how that man has the job he does."
7. "That there were now too many people on one half of the Earth and caused it to tilt that way. That is the reason for the crazy weather we are experiencing."
8. "I told them not to give me a raise; I'd be making less money because of taxes."
9. "I was getting my hair done at a salon. My stylist, the lady next to her, her client, and I were all talking about current movies. I said we had seen The Martian, and it was really good. The client next to me, with a straight face, said, ‘Ohhh, isn’t that based on a true story?’ The stylist stopped cutting, looked at her and said, ‘I don’t think so; we haven’t sent people to Mars.’ Without missing a beat, the lady said, ‘That’s right, I must have been confused about the astronaut they left on the Moon.’"
10. "When you put hard-boiled eggs in the fridge, they turn back into normal eggs."
11. "Can you email me back the PDF I emailed you? It’s my only copy."
12. "I have a brother who didn’t agree with me about what direction north was. I pulled out three compasses. They all pointed in the same direction. He and his girlfriend agreed that I must be playing some sort of trick."
13. "A guy I worked with asked me, ‘How does the Sun know to stay up later during daylight saving time?’"
14. "This guy at work was complaining about being short. He said it was making dating difficult. This other guy, who was rather tall, said it was his fault for not eating better when he was a kid. We all stopped and turned to this guy. ‘Uh, what?’ He insisted it was the short guy’s fault for not eating enough vegetables when he was a kid. His height was a direct result of bad nutrition."
"The short guy was like, ‘You’re joking, right?’ Tall guy was like, ‘My parents forced my brother and me to eat vegetables all the damn time. We hated it. But it made us tall. So I’m grateful to my parents for making us eat like that.’
Short guy says, ‘Dude. That’s not how that works.’ Tall guy insisted that it was. Idiot genuinely believes anyone who is short did it to themselves due to their lifestyle and diet. Never once mentioned genetics. This was a grown-ass man, by the way. Like, 29 years old."
Editor's note: While genetics are obviously the key determinant of height, nutrition and lifestyle can also impact growth.
15. "Because the Nazis had ‘socialist’ in the name, they were socialists."
16. "I had a really frustrating conversation with someone who couldn’t grasp that, unlike north and south, you can travel east or west indefinitely without ever changing that direction. They couldn’t say what or where the ‘east pole’ and ‘west pole’ are, but they were convinced they exist. Their refrain was, ‘It’s a sphere, so all directions are equal.’"
17. "Iowa was over 2,000 miles from top to bottom. It was at a bar. The dude was sober. Just stupid. The entire country is 2,800 miles at its widest spot."
18. "Butter is natural, so it can’t be bad for you. So they’d fry their steaks in butter, put them on their plates, and heavily butter both sides."
19. "This lady I knew said her neighbours were keeping a cat and a rabbit in a cage together so they could mate and make cabbits. I thought she was joking. She was not."
H/T to SuspiciousSpell5386 and r/AskReddit for having the discussion!
Any of your own to add? Let us know in the comments below!
Additional thumbnail credits: Netflix, 20th Century Fox