11 Absolutely Ridiculous Vintage Inventions That Will Make You Wonder If Everybody Was Drunk Back Then
by Andrea Perez · BuzzFeedFor every groundbreaking creation humanity has ever cooked up, there’s at least one fever dream-y invention that leaves you questioning if people were genuinely okay back in the day. From devices that nobody asked for to “solutions” that only created even bigger problems, history is overflowing with bizarre ideas that somehow made it past the sketch stage.
Here are 11 of the strangest things ever invented:
1. The Baby Cage (1920s)
In the 1920s, Emma Read invented the “Baby Cage,” a wire box designed for parents to hang out of their apartment windows so their infants could get some “fresh air.” The cage functioned like a tiny outdoor playpen: city babies could sit, crawl, or lie down outside the building, suspended several stories above the sidewalk. And the material keeping your child from plummeting over 40 feet below? Oh, nothing fancy — just good old-fashioned chicken wire.
2. The Pet Rock (1970s)
Gary Dahl really sat down one day in the 1970s, thought about how much effort actual animals require, and said, “What if…hear me out…we all just had pet rocks?” No feeding, no walking, no vet bills — just a smooth little stone packaged in a cardboard “pet carrier,” complete with air holes and an instruction manual as if the thing might suddenly develop needs. You're probably thinking, “Who TF would even buy this product?” but joke’s on us: people loved it so much that Dahl became a millionaire in under a year. There was even a country song about owning a pet rock. Yes, really.
3. The Chicken Glasses (1900s)
In the early 1900s, inventor Andrew Jackson Jr. glanced at a flock of fighting chickens and decided the best solution was to give them glasses. These tiny spectacles were invented to stop chickens from pecking at each other’s eyes, especially in crowded coops where things could get…violent, to say the least. The eyewear had straps or pins to keep them on, and later versions even had red-tinted lenses so any blood wouldn’t look like, well, blood — supposedly reducing the urge to attack. So yes, farmers were literally outfitting their birds with glasses in hopes of reducing barnyard violence back in 1903.
4. The Dynasphere Monowheel (1930s)
In the 1930s, Dr. J. A. Purves proudly presented his idea for the future of transportation: the "Dynasphere," a giant, petrol-powered monowheel designed for passengers to sit inside while it rolled down the road. It could reach up to 48 km/h, which sounds pretty cool until you realize it was nearly three meters tall, impossible to steer, and came with a charming little issue known as “gerbilling,” where braking or accelerating too hard would pretty much send the driver tumbling around inside the wheel like a loose sock in a dryer. Yeah...Shockingly, this death trap never managed to replace cars.
5. The Cat Meow Machine (1960s)
Introduced to the Japanese market in 1963, the "Cat-Mew Machine" was exactly what its name suggests: a device built to imitate the sound of cats. Powered by a tiny motor and speaker, the box let out a fake "meow" every six seconds, all in the hopes of scaring away nearby rodents. Shockingly, mice were not impressed, and it didn't take long for this cute little device to be deemed utterly, unbelievably pointless. But on the upside, at least this cat couldn't shred your couch to pieces or drop dead birds on your pillow. A win is a win?
6. The Moustache Guard (1870s)
Invented by British potter Harvey Adams in the 1870s, the "Moustache Guard" was a semicircular ledge built into drinking cups, designed to keep a gentleman's moustache dry and clean while sipping hot drinks like tea or soup. For decades to come, manufacturers would go on to create their own versions of the product, but the hype eventually subsided around 1920, and the device finally fell out of use altogether by the late 20th century.
7. The Safety Coffin (1700s and 1800s)
Back in the 18th and 19th centuries, people were terrified of being buried alive — and honestly, with all the so-called "medical accuracy" back then, we can't really blame them. To prevent this issue, inventors came up with “Safety Coffins,” which included everything from bells and flags to air tubes and windows, all designed so the “deceased” could signal if they weren’t…you know, actually deceased. Some models even had spring-loaded mechanisms that popped the casket open or allowed air to enter if the body moved. The problem? Decomposition and random body shifts often triggered false alarms, and the mechanisms would also tend to break, rust, or simply fail to function. Once modern embalming became standard, the risk of being buried alive basically disappeared, but hey, at least now we know where the phrase "saved by the bell" really came from.
8. The Group Shaving Machine (1960s)
Back in the 19th century, English comedian Eric Sykes built the “Group Shaving Machine,” a contraption that involved customers lining up side by side while a mechanical arm moved and worked across all their faces, supposedly delivering identical, efficient shaves. In reality, the device couldn’t adjust to different face shapes, so unless every man had the exact same jawline, the results were damn near unpredictable. Moral of the story? Perhaps some things are better left to an actual barber.
9. The Siamese Dancing Shoes (1980s)
If you really wanted to be in sync with your dancing partner, the "Siamese Shoes" were guaranteed to be the answer to your prayers. Created by Philip Garner in 1981, these bizarre two-person shoes were joined together at the toes, with two soles extending out on both sides, allowing each partner to slip a foot inside. In theory, they were meant to help couples move as a unit, but in reality, they mainly caused tripping, wobbling, and a whole lot of immediate regret.
10. The Butter Sleeve Protector (1950s)
In the 1950s, American inventor Russell E. Oakes set out to solve a very important — and very embarrassing — problem: dragging your sleeve straight through the butter while reaching across the table. His solution was to create the "Butter Sleeve Protector," a little cage-like cover that sat over the butter to keep diner clothes clean. It resembled a tiny metal spider guarding a stick of butter, and as you might expect, it never became a household essential. Today, people just use covered butter dishes…or simply ask someone to pass the butter like a normal human being.
11. The Anti-Eating Face Mask (1980s)
In 1982, inventor Lucy L. Barmby patented one of the most unintentionally terrifying diet devices ever created: an "Anti-Eating Face Mask." The metal contraption locked over the wearer’s mouth with a tiny padlock, allowing them to breathe and talk but not sneak a bite of food — a solution aimed at chefs, cooks, and anyone “tempted” to nibble while preparing meals. It looked like something straight out of a low-budget Hannibal Lecter prequel, and as it turns out, the general public opted to choose willpower over wearing a literal cage over their face.