“Nothing Restores Marital Solidarity Like Having Mutual Enemies” – Married People Are Sharing Their Bizarre Marriage Hacks To Keep The Peace
by Benjamin Dzialdowski · BuzzFeedPeople say marriage isn't necessarily easy, and some married folks find all sorts of ways to smooth over the creases of their matrimony – some are fairly traditional, while others are more out of the box...
So, when Nightpatrol404 asked r/AskReddit, "Married people of Reddit, what’s your most unhinged marriage hack?" We thought we'd share some of the top results.
1. "When we were expecting a baby, I read a parenting book on gentle parenting. There was a chapter about how to communicate with a toddler (get them to express their feelings/get their point of view, set boundaries, get them to do what you want, etc.). I use those techniques on my spouse, and it works amazingly well."
2. "We both suck at deciding on low-stakes stuff, so we have a rule. If we can’t pick a movie or show to watch within a strict five minutes (we literally set a timer), we have to watch Sharknado."
3. "If your marriage is getting stale, start a feud with another couple. Nothing restores marital solidarity like having mutual enemies."
4. "When my husband is telling me an asinine or super boring story, I pretend that I died and asked God for five more minutes with my family, and these are the five minutes I get."
5. "When I’m mad at him, I ask myself, ‘If he died in a car crash, would I still be upset about this?’ And most of the time it’s no, so I let it go. But!! There are definitely some times where I’m like, ‘Mmm, no, I’d still be pissed.’ Sad, but pissed!"
6. "Hang out with some high-conflict people to give you more perspective/appreciation for each other."
7. "We have a ‘5-3-2-1’ system when trying to decide things together, like what to have for dinner, which movie to watch, which trail to hike, etc. One person makes a list of five, the other person eliminates two, the first person eliminates one, and the second person has the final decision. It helps us out a lot because we will often keep adding other possibilities when we really need to make up our damn minds. It’s a fun system that my husband and his little sister made when they were kids! We just ‘5-3-2-1’ it!"
8. "I flash my husband whenever he takes his weekly med (a med he has to take once per week) to help him remember to take it. We’ve done this since we were dating. It genuinely helps."
9. "We’ve agreed that I’m the boss of him and he’s the boss of me. But only when one of us is refusing to do something for ourselves that we need to do. For example: putting off making an appointment with the dentist? ‘I’m the boss of you, and I say you have to call them.’ Boom, gotta call the dentist, the boss said so. We only use our power for good!"
10. “‘Cheese stick!’ This is our reset button. It started as a way to head off toddler tantrums caused by hangry little people. It’s evolved to be one of the best ways to help stave off arguments and reset. Offering someone a cheese stick means I love you and want to take care of you, despite you being upset with me/the world/someone else.”
11. "My sister in law told me that sometimes she will order groceries then say she’s going to buy groceries. She takes a nap in the parking lot then picks up the groceries in 1-2 hours"
12. "I keep emergency treats in the fridge for when she's in a bad mood. It calms her down plus it's objectively funny to seemingly conjure candy out of nowhere and that usually breaks the tension."
13. "Rock paper scissors the small stuff. Saves time and energy. Move on."
14. "If I feel annoyed or unsatisfied with my husband’s answer to a question, I usually realise I was asking it wrong. I usually cook, and he usually does the dishes. It was taco night. I usually sauté peppers and onions, but only had onions and asked if he wanted me to do them, and he gave a very kind, ‘Oh, you don’t need to’, thinking I was asking for an out of the work. So I said, ‘Let me rephrase’, and asked, ‘Is just sautéed onions worth the dishes clean-up to you?’ And he was excited to say yes, lol."
15. "When we get busy, once a week we dedicate time to get to bed early and make out."
16. "Don’t fight over the covers. Make sure each of you have your own blanket."
17. "I buy my wife flowers every couple of weeks. Not an expensive arrangement... just a few carnations, a couple of roses, or a spring bouquet... whatever they might have on sale that day. I have been doing that for 45 years. We always have fresh flowers in our kitchen. And, of course, for special occasions like birthdays or Mother’s Day, a nice big arrangement."
18. "Advocate of the mystery date."
"One partner plans a date. The other knows only the time, dress code, and expectations: will there be food? Do I have to stand? Do I need earplugs?
In my marriage, I’m the designated planner, responsible for 95%+ of them. For us, that works.
Done so much stuff this way. Double dates to speakeasies and magic shows; stand-up comedy; special restaurant reservations; so many concerts and house concerts. Readings, gallery openings, friends’ screenings... etc., etc."
19. "Casually mention an issue my married friend has with her husband or my sister has with hers and follow it up with, ‘But you don’t do that’, even though he definitely has at least once in most instances. He does then stop doing the thing."
20. "We just moved out of a house back into an apartment, and it's been amazing for our marriage. Less responsibilities, less resentment, and more time together!"
21. "When she goes out to dinner or travels with friends, call the restaurant or hotel and surprise them with a bottle of champagne or round of drinks. They love when you’re thinking about them (and making them look good in front of their friends)."
22. "Create a ghost who lives in your house who you can blame things on instead of each other. It allows us to address minor annoyances without nagging. Ours is named Jermaine. ‘Goddamnit, Jermaine keeps leaving the cupboard doors open.’‘Jermaine, did you forget to turn the sprinkler off again? You KNOW we’re under water restrictions.’"
H/T to Nightpatrol404 and r/AskReddit for having the discussion!
Any of your own to add? Let us know in the comments below!
Additional thumbnail credits: HBO, A24