"It’s An Immediate Turnoff": People Are Sharing The 21 Things That Make Someone "Bad In Bed," And It's Actually Really Interesting
by Abby Zinman · BuzzFeedRecently, one user on Reddit asked a super interesting (but pretty spicy) question: "Asking to those with experience, what makes a person bad in bed?" And people did not disappoint with their answers.
So here are some of the highest-voted responses:
1. "Lack of enthusiasm."
"1000% this. It really doesn’t matter what does or doesn’t happen if you’re into the whole act of intimacy. I’d take a guy with ED and enthusiasm for intimacy/exploring all options for pleasure over some hung dumbass who thinks it is a race to the finish line."
2. "It feels like they're doing sex to you instead of having sex with you."
"This is exactly it. It's like the other person doesn't matter."
3. "No aftercare (cuddling, massages, enjoying each other's time, etc)."
"100% on the aftercare. That is the main difference between feeling loved and feeling like a masturbation aid."
4. "Lack of communication."
"If what I’m doing would feel so much better just a little to the left or slightly slower, I want to know for both of our sake!"
5. "When you say something like 'just like that' and they fucking speed up!"
"Male optimizing. Like, if that's good, then 2x that must be twice as good per second! (I'm explaining the mindset, not justifying.)"
6. "Being silent, like not a single sound coming out so you don't know if they are liking what you are doing or not."
7. "No foreplay, and not caring if your partner is enjoying it."
8. "Using porn as education material."
"Probably has led to a lot of dudes thinking every woman they have sex with wants to be choked until they almost pass out. Fucking yuck."
"Even if dudes aren't copying the acts, it still seems to mess up the brain to view sex as something done to a woman for their gratification. I've noticed that guys who watch a lot of porn sort of have this disconnect."
9. "Hygiene."
"Dirty nails and smelly bits will not leave a good impression."
"And bad breath. It's like you can feel them leaving the stank on your neck when they kiss it."
10. "Assuming every partner loves the same thing."
"The disappointment is real when you realize they are laying down their signature moves in a particular order. No sir, I’m not a numerical Lock Screen. And even if I was, it would be a different combination than your last partners."
11. "Too much emphasis on PIV-only sex."
12. "Poor sense of rhythm."
"I’m so serious. I once looked back and asked, 'WHY DO YOU KEEP CHANGING TEMPO???' It was maddening. Please, for the love of God, do not switch the tempo every 8 seconds!
I promise you, slow and steady is better than a DJ who can’t pick a song. Don’t drop Darude's 'Sandstorm,' then suddenly it’s Ginuwine's 'Pony,' and now we’re doing 'Happy Birthday To You.'"
13. "Lack of respect."
"Not caring about your partner — focusing on your own pleasure and being done once you’re satisfied, no matter if your partner is or not.
The occasional time not reaching mutual pleasure is fine. Rarely reaching mutual pleasure is really bad."
14. "Men who think it's funny and sexy to 'honk' my boobs or in any way use them as a comedy prop during intimacy."
"Instant turnoff. They are not fun bags that exist as a separate part of me. They are sensitive bits of me that hurt when squeezed like that!"
15. "Needing to be tipsy or drunk to get in the mood."
"I had an ex that would always push for both of us to get at least two drinks in because it 'made our sex better.' At that point, I don’t want to have sex at all."
16. "Promising sexual acts and then never doing them. So many guys sext about oral and then never actually do it in the moment."
"If you don't like it, fine, but don't say you love it and never go down there."
17. "A dead fish."
"Don't just lay there. Match the motion. Use hands. Talk if that’s your thing. Kiss. Act like you’re enjoying it."
"If they just lay there like a starfish, that’s a no-go for me."
18. "Having the mindset of 'I am a great lover — therefore, if my partner isn't enjoying this, it's them, not me.'"
"I've dated a guy who would just lay down a stare at me. That felt extremely uncomfortable."
19. "Less than 2 minutes, and then go to bed when he's done."
"No second round, no consideration of what you want."
20. "Hot take, but too much eye contact."
"I slept with someone recently, it was a one-off and frankly pretty good, but bro was literally boring into my eyes the entire time. I had to focus on the space between his eyes because it was so unsettling and taking me out of the moment."
21. And finally: "Women ALWAYS read things and educate themselves on sex, but I feel like the boys don't do this. Please men, please go to the bookstore and read some romance novels."
"Ali Hazelwood has the steamy spicy writing style that does it for me. All her STEM romance books are 🌶🌶🌶🌶🌶 ."